What does marriage mean to you??

Dear Shanthi,
Well, I rarely peep into this forum because i see so many suffer and in pain...I say a silent prayer for them and that’s it.
Your thread made me come here.

Marriage for me in the early days meant a simply superb, comfortable living as every one would dream for. I dreamt the same...but reality pinched. Not so hard though, but marriage has its own pros and cons as for any case.
To adjust into totally new surroundings took me a little time. But my DH was such a darling (touchwood).On the very day i stepped in, he made me quite comfortable. Festival rituals changed,Food habits changed over time, food timings changed too! Of all the worst things to happen "Me not knowing cooking" invoked the worst devils in my in-laws come out! On that very day I realised that Marriage is not about only marrying a man, but marrying into a family.That’s how I fished out IL(Recipes) is an altogether a different story!

To cut the long story short, Marriage to me has been a wild joy ride. DH fully supportive was my only strength. He stood by me as a rock. We did have difference of opinions, but it was constructive. He had rubbed off many good qualities in me and WE have matured enough to handle the "relationship Tsunami's" attacking now and then and mark a clear line in these 2.6 years of married life!

 

Hey Shanti ,

Nice topic !!
I grew up seeing how my aunts took marriage ! No matter what.. husband talks and wife listens !! My mommy rocked.. She spoke when she had to and pop had no option but listen !! But.. But.. But.. Being in love was a sin then ! It was done by only bad kids who dont love their parents !!
Imagine my plight when I got attracted to this boy in my class at age 13! Was it a sin ? It must be.. But I love my parents then still why did I like this guy, I thought !! Definitely did not think of marriage then !! Uff.. I had too many things in mind.. I wanted to become a Dentist , wanted to earn and send my parents on a Europeon tour and what not !! But this boy's attention , I just enjoyed every minute of it in class !! Luckily I still continued being one of the best students in school and class. We had this silent distance love for 5 years and I started understanding his quiteness so well even ( It has helped me so much when I need to understand something in his mind amidst crowd now !! ) ... Parted ways after college and got into proffessional courses ! All that he did finally was said he loves me.. nothing more ! ( well I knew that, didnt I ?? bonk )
Never believed in destiny till he actually used to make an effort to take the bus routed near my place respite having direct buses to his home and I came to the balcony one day !
We made an effort to meet up as I knew the bus he was travelling !
Started dating and we gave a thought to marriage on the first date ! But wasnt too sure wether we could make it happen ! But here we are as husband and wife after seeing each other for 18 years before marriage !!
Always wondered wether things will change, as I have heard all my friends say that men become a husband and the lover part vanishes after marriage !! Oh, mine has only got better !! Infact.. we are lovers now than we were before marriage ! I must admit it !
What marriage has taught me .. Just accept the person how he is the way you did ( as mine is a love that was arranged )
There could be few changes ( good or bad ) now that shouldnt matter.. it happens over age !!
Do not compare how he/she was before marriage instead see what best you can draw of the present !
Give the same space between like before.. Do not interfere too much in their family unless asked for and unless it involves you !
He is another human like you are.. and that is it ! Anytime you want to make a point, make it ! You may not be right, but not always is he too ! But never talk at the same time as he does.. you wont be heard ! Listen and then talk !
Do not give up your respect for anything in this world which includes husband ! You respect self and everyone would follow !!

What marriage means to me ....

Dating my hubbypie EVERYDAY !!!

 

I feel marriage is a beautiful journey :cheers and a sweet responsibility where two people Walk beside (Stand by) eachother in every situation of life, love eachother inspite of knowing eachothers' weakness, faults...knowing all.... Appreciating the differences and trying to bring the best in eachother withour looking for the perfection!!!

It is just like a wine, raw when new, ripened with age. Big Laugh
Marriage means a lot me coz it gives me an extra bonus strength like even i am ready to jumpoff a terrace!!! Coz I know My hubby down there waiting to catch me.

[Marriage is a very tasty recipe of life where Husband and wife are being the main ingredients needs extra Love, Trust and Loyalty for its richness :thumbsup]

 

Dear Shanthi,

An interesting post from you and a question many people ask us when they see us oldtimers, my DH and I, ageing gracefully together!
There were stars in my eyes when I got engaged many many summers ago. An arranged marriage as love marriages were rare then. The joy of discovering each other because we never had the chance to spend time together before the wedding. The excitement of living in a new city (Bombay, then) as I grew up in Delhi and completed my Graduate and PG studies in Madras.
Adjustments with the in-laws (FIL, MIL, BIL, SIL) and a lot of patience, some compromises. At times, rebellion when one is snubbed or prevented (by inlaws) from doing things for one's pleasure, tempered with acceptance, never being resigned to one's Fate - my late father's words still ring in my ears - 'Never lose your individuality, remember that you are a person in your own right' - What valuable advice!
Over the years, we seem to have learnt a lot of tolerance, we accept each other as we are, we never try to change the each other's views but look at everything from a practical point of view. A lot of loving and caring, sharing our love for music, laughing together, spontaneous appreciation of the simple things of life like a squirrel in our terrace garden foraging for food, encouragement to scale new heights (I learnt French from scratch when my son was 10 years and went on to do the Master's at the same time he was doing his MS in the US! - all due to DH's encouragement).

Today, marriage means sharing the joys of watching our 2 year-old grandson as he learns new words, seeing the world through his eyes and trying to regain the innocence of a child's heart!

In short, living life to the fullest!

Padma

 

Dear Shanthi,

Very happy to read the feedbacks ... it is worth, in the learning curve !!

Loved your words.... It speaks a lot !!
Trust, sharing, adjustments, a little compromise, a little sacrifice mixed with unconditional love makes a great recipe for a good marriage.....Good marriage allows the individuals to change and grow and still express their love for each other.

To me : Let's enjoy today... and think how to enjoy a lot tomorrow ?

 

Hi dear

So,atlast you have come to this forum also, good..........and welcome

I cant wait to read full, like i burst out with laugh and control myself after reading this lines

(When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.):rotfl:rotfl:rotfl

in our friends group we always used to tell this dialogue .or whenever we see DH holding is Dw's hand or some scene.....pavam.pudhusu pola erukku....hahahahah

And excellent shanthi, you have sumed up in very lighter way, but the essence is perfect.:thumbsup, ofcourse nothing to deny inthis, i too agree with you , no regrets at all, ( actually i was in decison that ANOTHER SERIOUS POST in this forum, but you broke my imagination)

Marriage in my view, its something DIVINE , though it have its own PROS AND CONS , all is part and parcel of life and i stronly beleive that , all is fair in love and war and after seeing male pesons of my family , my main prayer to GOD was begging for GOOD DH and he blessed me with the same ( beleive me, while typing this, in our AYYAPPA TEMPLE, PANCHAVADYAM ADIKARADHU, DEEPARATHANI .........THANK GOD :bowdown:bowdown:bowdown.TOUCH WOOD)

May be , i want to alter your recipie a little bit , yes, MUTUAL TRUST , MORE COMPROMISE, MORE SACRIFICE.........and it needs EGOLESS relationship too....and ofcourse GIVE AND TAKE

 

And, forget to tell abou this, ofcourse marriage isnot only about marrying a man , 1000002% correct, and our parents have taught us in such a way only, i want to share with u my parents advice here, when i got married, my appa told

" Your DH is your Inlaws son first, then only your hubby .have this in mind for ever and neverever dare to come here sayin complaint about inlaws, we wont encourage that and

My amma used to say, KUDUMBAMNA nalu peru nalu vidama dhan eruppa, inlawsna appadi dhan eruppa, you shld not lose your pateince, you have to adjust , thatoo in initial period, it may be like that, time will change everything and they will also understand you....even today my mom will blame me only for any incident, though it may be visible that nothing wrong inmy side , she used to say, you are first DIL , you have your responsibility, you have to adjust, they are seniors, they cant bend for you ......

And my own words, like how our parents brought us up with great pains and sacrifices same is the case in our DH place also , so eventhough we comeacross arguments, diff of opinion etc........dont take it TOO SERIOUS and for long time, ARGUE FOR YOUR RIGHTS, but dont think that they are your ENEMIES, wont you have diff of opinion with your parents, wont you fight with them and wont you go back onceagain forgetting everything to your parents , please try to do the same wiht your inlaws , i agree PARENTS AND INLAWS are not equal,eventhough we call them MOM AND DAD , but please see in your DH's view....marriage is nothing but DEEP LOVE between two souls, why cant be adjust ittle bit for our loving partner , for his happiness, peace.....

all these are my personal opinion , OPINION DIFFERS .....i talked by the way i brought up , you need not agree with my thoughts , you may have your own opinion, so NO REGRETS please

and here we are just to share our feelings and experince and hope not any DEBATE is going on, so please friends, take things lightly and dont take it toooo personal, take the good things whatever u like and leave the rest

Here, we are like extended family, so i take you all for granted and said the above lines , still if you feel that i have hurt you and i dont have right to advice like this, IAM SORRY

 

Dear Dr.Preethi

Well said, well said, excellent, no words to say.WOW! i love your words and i second you........clap:clap
And, wishing you from the heart, may GOD bless you with happiness and peace for ever, wishing you very happy and long married life ....

And, even i feel the same, my love for my DH is increasing day y day, inspite of fighting,argumet even kaikalappu.hehehe but i feel all that is deeeeeeeeeeepning my love for him, and i feel everyday that i got married jus today, yes, i always feel like iam PUDHU PONNU, not feeling shy or embrassed to say this and i havenever changed / give up certain routines in mylife......and even ask my friends " wl the DH become anna after 60"??? whats wrong in dating with DH even at later stage, i feel our physical attraction will never end with this guy, i feel it will grow more stronger