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Discussion in 'Married Life' started by AnuPravallika, Nov 10, 2008.

  1. AnuPravallika

    AnuPravallika Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Everyone,

    Thanks to all the Ilites who gave me suggestions when I posted on this site. Here's the link to what I had posted :

    http://www.indusladies.com/forums/married-life/32160-is-wrong-want-someone-else.html

    I am back now to let you all know what happened after I initiated suggestions by my friends here. To sum up the problems that were bothering me :

    1. My parents (esp my mother) - I've told her how hateful she is and how she always makes it a point to put me down. I told her that I am not going to question her why she does things the way she does. Because, now I really dont care. I made it clear to her that if she wants to be cordial, she can call me or come to my home but all she wants is to have her way and hurt me, then she can stay put in her house.

    2. My MIL - I had a long talk with her about how things have shaped up - as I see it. I spoke to her about how she treated us when we were in bad shape and how we're being treated now. I told her she can go around and bitch about me as much as she wants. But she will have to remember that she will be coming back home to us. I told her that since she is my DH's mother, she will be taken care of. But, if she wants any respect, then she must earn it.

    3. DH - This nut got the shock of his life, when I stopped craving for his attention. I told him that I understand that he is the way he is. I told him that I am not going to go on and on about why he never speaks to me but does so with his mother and brother. I told him that if he has a problem with me, he should tell me first and i would do the same thing. I started filling in the space in my life with activities and people that are interesting. My best friend (who has marriage problems, herself) lives in Bangalore. Once in a month, I visit her. I have started learning embroidery and every Saturday, I go for classes and every day I practise what I learnt. I cook simple dishes that do not take much of my time. I used to watch a little of TV but DH would always change channels. So, instead of arguing with him, I would just sit and do my embroidery. I got more involved in my apartments' neighbours activities - like poojas, so every other weekend is some kind of pooja happening in our apartments and I just go off. I did not do all this with a plan in mind. I just wanted to be happy and do things that I want to. I did not want to circle my life around one person. I really dont know what came over him. He started suggesting that we should go out to movies or restaurants. At that point of time, I was really not interested because I was very caught up with my weekend activities. But, sometimes i would just say yes. I made a few new friends at work complex. They are all from diff companies and diff backgrounds. We go out once in a month, but meet every day, as we work in the same building. I've been making and receiving many calls from friends. Now DH is after my life to come out with him for shopping and all that. Earlier, he would just drop me at a place and ask me when he should pick me up. Now he is tagging along for shopping! Such a funny guy, he wants to come along now when I want to go shopping with the ladies.

    4. Myself - I was never a vocal person before, but now I just discovered my voice. All I did was open my mouth and speak out my feelings. I wanted to run away and start a new life. I have a new life here, because it has more time and more people. My life does not revolve around these people that I spoke about. Its about me and what I like. I realised that i was concentrating on the problem areas in my life but not on happy areas. I may be missing that special something in life, I am not sure. But, what I have now is any day better than what I had so I feel happy. Just little changes and in a little over 2 months, I have bounced back. My best friend always tells me that I am alpa santoshi - one who becomes happy for little things. Thank God, for that!!!

    I wanted to come back and post what has happened to me. Have I solved my problems? NO not at all. I just changed my approach. I am not letting these problems bother me. It was not easy at first. To forget the hateful things said and done, but i told myself that if my heart is blocked with all the painful memories, how can I let in happiness?

    Thanks to Shiva Choubey, Saahithya, DrJP, Geeth Priya, Roopa Dadia and Kavya007 for their advice and inputs. If today, I am happy, its because you guys helped me when I called out for help. Thank you so much.

    I am now ready to contribute to IL. All these days, I was so unhappy, I was always afraid of just pulling the other person down with my pessimistic advice. But, now I feel that even I can put in a few words of encouragement.

    oh...and btw, I want to learn swimming as well!!!

    Luv,

    Anu
     
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  2. Sabitha_K

    Sabitha_K Gold IL'ite

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    Hello Anu,

    Your post was jet paced with all the quick updates on your life and by the time I finished reading it I was bursting with joy for the turn of things in your life and how you tackled the problems.Your outlook on life now is definitely something that a lot of people can follow and solve their problems by being positive and brimming with energy rather than sulking at why is this happening to me.As far as alpa santhoshi is concerned..well who doesn't want to be one who enjoys life to the fullest.Sorry I haven't seen the original post you have linked but all is well that ends well and now that you are happy nothing really matters.Enjoy !!

    -Sabitha
     
  3. Riya007

    Riya007 Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Anu,

    Felt really good reading how you have tackled everything. Way to go gal! :bowdown

    Love,

    Riya
     
  4. Traveller

    Traveller Gold IL'ite

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    Anu,

    As i read your update my heart is filled with joy. I haven't read your original thread but in this one i can feel your happiness (so what if it is alpa santhosham) and i am very proud of you. I don't know how many new members have come back to say IL has brought a change in their lives (i shouldn't be offensive here... many of us are still trying!) but you have come back and that's the best thing to happen to all of us here.

    Wishing you more and more happiness and shall I wish you a happy birthday because you're sort of re-born now:thumbsup

    Latha
     
  5. senorita2007

    senorita2007 New IL'ite

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    Wow,
    I am so proud of you, if only I had this determination, courage and maturity to take control of my life instead of clinging to my DH for love and affection, I would have really saved myself from a lot of depression and agony...

    way to go ... girl

    PS- swimming is fun. If u are in chennai SIET college is great for learning swimming
     
  6. Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

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    Way to go girl !!!

    That's the power of positive intentions. It will make your life happy in a jiffy !!

    Very happy to hear that you had learnt the art of living ;-)

    Change is within you
    Happiness is within you

    Best wishes in life !!
     
  7. jaykay

    jaykay Bronze IL'ite

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    Well Done Anu!! I am glad that you have changed your approach to life. Be positive always. I am sure that your life will only get better and better each day!!
     
  8. happywoman

    happywoman Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Anu,

    Though i havent read your original post, im very glad to see the positive turnaround in your life. You have proved that where theres a will, theres a way out!!:thumbsup:thumbsup

    IL is definitely a place to share, but its great when someone comes back and shares the success stories.

    Friends,shopping,embroidery,swimming.......oh! the list of goodies seem to be very fascinating!!

    Enjoy life and have fun!!:cheers
    vani
     
  9. Malyatha

    Malyatha Gold IL'ite

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    WOW, Anu!!!! You go, girl!!! Congratulations on finally finding happiness! I wish I could give you a giant hug... but for now, I am sending cyber hugs your way. ((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))))))

     
  10. kolli143

    kolli143 Senior IL'ite

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    Wow excellent. Way to go Anu. I am so happy for you.
    "if my heart is blocked with all the painful memories, how can I let in happiness?"
    Well said.
    Good luck.
     

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