Why is he behaving like this ??????

Hello Senorita,
The problem that you are facing is very unusual... but when i thought about it i could think of only one reason.... your husband may not be as romantic as you are!
I mean he might be interested in other factors of the life and his interest in romance might lesser than yours! I can very well understand how you might be feeling.... but the only solution i can think of is having a constructive conversation with him.... you have mentioned that he is introvert but still you have shared some intimate moments with each other (as you have mentioned)..... so plz go ahead... make him sit and put this point across him in a matured way... may be you will get the answer....

 

Hi Senorita..

there are so many guys round so reserved. its a common problem.

you can do two things.

1. talk with him and understand what are his romantic ideas. i'm sure every one has their own ideas and every one like to be romantic in their own way.

2. he also should understand your feelings. please do not show over emotions or love towards him. for a period of time you can behave the way he behaves with you. you can also start showing all the romance only when lights are off. or you can also be romantic when he is ready for it. some guys need a lot of space. so provide that space. when he gets that, he will come automatically towards you.

wish you good luck.

 

Hey Senorita....U have already said it.UR HUSBAND IS RESERVED.Don't u think this is what is expected out of a reserved guy?

If u feel therz something abnormal why don't u get it clarified by urself?

Jott down answers for these and asses things urself.

• Is he with u when u r shopping?
• Does he take u out to places and be with u during the outing?
• Does he get u stuffs when u ask for?
• Does he introduce u to his friends and take u out for family get together when u r invited?
• R u happy when u r intimate?

Some people do not know to express their emotions.But they will have lot of love from within.

Cool.Don't worry.

 

Then itz cool Senorita.....He seems to be a person who doesn't know to express himself.Or may be his parents do not share the kind of intimacy u r expecting in him and he grew up seeing this(Just a wild guess!).U mustbe knowing about ur in-laws.

Take him out more often.Go out with friends or plan for a family get together with friends who have a healthy relnship among themselves.This will definitely chnage him slowly and help him come out of the shell.

 

I am not able to connect strings here.
I gather that its been 5+ yrs since you got married from your other posts right? And you have been living with this issue all these years and did not get chance to talk to him to see what his inhibitions are?
I don't know where you are from but I have seen most south Indian men and women who behave just like your husband. Husband wants to put his hand around wife shoulder and wife just throws it away like some peck of dirt. or a wife trying to get close to a husband and he moves away as if she just committed a sin and says harsh words to hurt her.
Its perfectly normal based on their upbringing and backgrounds, and if you want to be shown some affection in day light too... then you need to talk to him and get to know his feelings on the matter. If he really does not like being intimate then you need to respect that instead of making it a big issue. It help you maintain some sanity in the relationship.
Take it easy and try to talk to him.
Good luck
-Swathi

 

Senorita,

May be hes a person who is not the one who shows these feelings openly. Why do you want him to change? Please don't. Then he will not be himself, but trying to make you happy, which not healthy for a relationship.

You know in your heart that he loves you no matter what? So why expecting these romantic displays? I understand that woman wants to be pampered now and then, but its not a necessity.

Life is more than that, sweetie. Don't sweat thinking about all this.

 

Senorita ,

All your posts are far too confusing !! I do not understand .. As Swathi said.. You quoted in one post that you are married for 5 years..
3 days before that you said some " behaviour " problem from him when you were married ! You mean to say you are asking for solutions for what happened 5 years ago ? Or you mean it continues till date ? Or you wanted to discuss how you tackled it ? If it was the last one.. then wonderful , because many ladies would benefit from others' experiences..

On the same day you also posted another " behavioural " problem that he is reserved.

Yesterday you posted another one that he does not say I love you.. and also called yourself " unlucky " for that !!

From all you posted.. it looks like you are a girl very romantic, with fixed expectations and live in a fantasy world.
Senorita, life is not about fighting when you hardly knew him and asking him to change a habit he has been having since he was a boy. Yes, all of us are pocessive over our husbands. But we need to also think wether the pocessivness is healthy and doesnt make things bitter for us. I dont say.. it was absolutely fine for his adult female cousins to sit on his lap.. I would have been shocked too if I was in your shoes.. But fighting for that.. wasnt right ! " Actually I spoke to my husband (or fought with him) and he has changed his ways now, " !!
Shouting is not the way to handle a problem.. It will not make a person change his nature.. it will just settle down in the mind and would blow out someday !
You had an arranged marriage which means you had no much time to know the man. WOman has to be only an observer when she gets married. She needs to observe, each one in her husband's house includng her hubby. This holds good even if it was a love before marriage. Boyfriend and husband are two different faces of a man.

Secondly, he has been an introvert and shy all his life.. How can you expect him to just open up the moment you came by ? It takes time.. You will have to move him to being more free and comfortable with you. Remember.. you were strangers till you met.. I do not say you should not hold his hand in public.. but just think if he was uncomfortable with something and you did that will he oblige ?? Well.. you were uncomfortable with his cousins sitting on his lap, and you wanted him to " stop " doing it isnt ?? You didnt oblige when you were uncomfortable about it.. I think !
Instead work your relationship slowly.. We dont just live for 10 years together.. we should work towards living 50 years together.. So do not drain it out by little expectations instead make him so much comfortable with you that you never get disappointed ever !

Thirdly, oh yes.. I love you gives such a kick to all of us ! Especially when whispered to our ears, isnt ? Life is about many thoughtful things.. But doing somethin because you want to do and doing somethin because you want others also to do.. are two things ! You want to give him cards, give it.. but then do not wait to see if he does. you want to say i love you, give him a hand squeeze and say it.. smile and walk away !
Do not wait to see wether he tells you too.. The more we expect the more we are disappointed, Senorita ! Believe me, I say it from my own life.. I was full of expectations when i was dating. All I had was disappointmnts. He never did it purposely but then.. that is my man ! But forcing him to change his nature was stupidity. So I gave up on my expectations.. he is sincere, one cutie, and didnt want anything except me.. So nothing else mattered.. Now I am full of surprises.. He does all thoughtful things and we date everyday !!
It is all about working towards buiding a relationship. Tell him.. you wished he bought you flowers, but do not look dejected. He is a human too after all isnt ? He will do it eventually ! Else.. atleast we women change ! bonk

 

I think you are exaggerating a bit. Your idea of romance is different from your husband's. Most Indian men do not show affection to their wife in public and in some extreme cases even in their homes. There is nothing wrong with that. It also depends on upbringing. Men brought up in strict and segregated environment may not feel comfortable in expressing their love. It doesn't mean they don't love their wives. I have only seen women not being comfortable in their husband's show of "affection' during the day. In your case it is the other way.