How you feel if ur husband had close GF

sanju · Aug 26, 2008

hi ladies!

i just what to ask you all & your experinces regarding a girl friend to your husband.i would like to say mine

firstly i m not yet married,but my marrige fixed & its in december.We talk all topic,he say me everything about him i feel so until now.He said he had girl friends(girl1& girl 2 i dont wht to reveal names so i kept like this),they are from 10th class.In that one girl1 has proposed him ,but he said i just whated your friendship if so you can continue.In the same they continued there friendship.But one day again she proposed ,then he said i dont like you.Then she asked whats wrong in me.He said im in love with another girl2 so that she wont ask him again,just to escape he lied.then she asked name he said which is another girl from these 2 friends who is also friend to this girl.At last she got angry & stopped talking to him.But the girl2 was very close to him.He speaks everything to her(he himself said me).He also said me i said her name(girl2) as i dont have any more girl friends.So this girl1 know everything about me so i said another girl2 name but i didnt love anyone just to escape from her i said .Girl2 has talked to me after my marg settled.But now he said,even though i talk closly i dont say anything from now to her.I will say everthing to you only he said.As i talked to girl2 ,i just find some what uncomfortable.She irritates me with different questions like if ur hubby loves some1 what ill you do r if he says he loved someone aftr mrgg r she asks me wht did he talked to me in that way etc all nonsence questions which irritates me.one day i said whole to her what my hubby said me about love evrything so that she finds that im so close to my hubby & she understand that he says me everything.Then she asked my hubby why did u say everything to her about love like that.Then he said she is my wife thats why i said.Then she said girl1 thought to talk to you but how can she talk now if u say like this.Then he said me dont say anything to girl2 .Then i asked why,then he said everything that she asked like this way,If you say to her then girl1 would feel so cant talk to me in future he said.But i dont like that type of friendship.As though i talk very calmly to her,but i get irritation to her questions.He also said i would reduce talking but not completly .At that time i said its ok.what is there in friendship if it is limit i can agree i said.But sometimes when she calls me i get irritated & get more angry,why i dont know.I belive him completly even though sometimes i get different thoughts.I even say everything to my hubby what conversation has went b/w me & girl2.i even said him there is no problem until u have ur limits.So how you feel about this.& also share your experices too .

sandu · Aug 26, 2008

Dear sanju,
Your post is confusing. I can understand that ur fiance had some close girlfriends, n is in contact with them even now. I think, there's really no problem in remaining friends, but where does he draw the line? If he shares the secrets bet. u n himself with these girls, then, it's terribly wrong. You must have privacy. Did u ask him what these girls mean to him? Is he goin to share with them everything u both speak? Thats ridiculous! BTW, y r you sharing your thoughts with these girls? It's healthy to be friends with ur husband's friends, but, going by what u said, if u get into so many confusions b4 marriage, what will happen afterwards? How will u handle their inteference? May be they are well-meaning, that u only shd decide. But be firm and make him draw the line now itself. Plan for ur life, just the two of you, without interference from other girls. Dont make them destroy ur privacy n dont give room for jealousy. Good luck!
Sandhya

sanju · Aug 26, 2008

NO,he doesnt share any secrects of mine to her.He is gud.i just thought of sharing my feelings thats it.Thq for your response.

Drpreethis · Aug 27, 2008

Sanju ,

Let us handle one GF at a time bonk!!! First, the one which intrests me..

Is GF2 married ?? If yes, start talking to her husband .. she will then know the pinch :bang! If she isnt married.. you must tell her " just the way you would feel when your husband is in love with some other girl " to her stupid and annoying questions ! If she irritates you by asking stuff about your husband then you must snub her saying.. can you stay away from our personal life ?? Do not beat around the bush get to your point straight ! Tell you fiance that you neednt be friendly to all his friends and you are not very impressed with this friend of his as she is disturbing and annoying you with silly questions :spin! He needs to stay away from talking all personal things to her as being his girl you would obviously be possesive of him ! He can be friendly but then he needs to tell her to stop irritating you with lousy questions just for the kick of it !! This girl should have been really good friends with your fiance and also pocessive about him.. So when you have walked in suddenly she must be feeling a little jealous.. So when she asks you stupid stuff laugh at her saying that these questions only make you feel she is lonely and needs attention !! You must also make it clear to your fiance that you have nothing against their friendship but it mus'nt affect your relationship at any cost. Do not make him feel you doubt him.. because he may not be very comfortable with you then.. Be as friendly as possible and build a good relationship !:cheers

Coming to GF 1.. Now even if she wants to talk so what ? When you do not have any problem with his fan following what is GF 2's problem ? It is between GF1 , your fiance and you !! Who is she in between ? Ask her to just mind her work :evil:and you are all fine to handle your fiance's fan followers ! Handling him and his fancies is upto you now and not hers !!

Coming to your fiance ... He doesnt have to say everything you both talk to her !! It is unnecessary !! :exactly:.. He has to learn to draw a line when it comes to getting married and mainting female friends ! Now .. if a male friend of yours ask him such questions would he be fine with it ?? By the way.. do you have a male friend who could do a repeat telecast for you ? :biggrin2:

sanju · Aug 27, 2008

no ,i dont have male friends....i dont like to maintain also.she is not yet married.when she ask me that question(wht would u do if hubby loves someone).i just replied her that if at that situation araises i would think about it that time.so i dont what to even reply now for this ans i said.she got angry.then i asked how would you feel if your hubby do like that.then she said she would leave him ,so that he would be happy.when i talk to her i talk very calmy as if i dont have any jealous.but sometimes it irritates me.i said everything that she asked in this way to my hubby.he just took like silly thing & said me she ask all like this only.she involves more.but he really dont love her.i can undersatand him.she also asked me how many times did he said i love u to u.then i said i didnt count.then she asked you say approxmatly it enough she asked.then i said .what to do if im not saying she gets angry.now my hubby said not to say her any thing as she is eating him by calling him.yA this is what it irritates.she asks me very personal question thats whats hurts me.and regarding girl1 my hubby didnt say to girl2.i said her myself.when she all stupid quest what did he say.then i said.so she would understand that we both are very close(me & my hubby)but she agained called him and said why did you say her in such way.i even said to my hubby that their friendship is ok.but upto a limit i said.he understands me.but only this girls disturbs me .im now unable to say that i dont like her character behaving in this way.

rajkrish73 · Sep 4, 2008

Hi sanju,

GF2 is not his good friend . If she is a good friend defenitely she would not have behaved like this to you. She would have treated you with more respect and would not have asked questions which irritates you. It is better for him to keep away from her friendship slowly as it may disturb your life after marraige.

muzna · Sep 9, 2008

one suggestion i could give which could be useful
try and avoid no.2.........
can try-i'll attend ur call later as i;m busy/ on the other phone/ or talking to someone else/ going for a bath/ going for shoping/ washing/ blah blah

u've Drowning a lot already, let her not irritate u again
and let me tell u she can not if u disallow it. irritation is like a gift u take from others, but what if u do not..it stays with them itslf..so irritate her by not giving her time. i do not wish to discuuss what i feel about her.
but for ur fiancee i'll say he is very indesicive or taking u for granted , how can he take u for a ride.and u two r still not even married..:spin what would he do later. tell him directly to tackle his friends himself. please do not show ur weakness now or it'll be difficult for u later in life.

KrutikaRao · Sep 11, 2008

I didnt get much of your post.
For you question "How you feel if ur husband had close GF?"
My answer "Divorced WITH alimony" for all the mental agony and destroying my beautiful stage in life called marriage.

chocolate · Sep 12, 2008

Sanju after going thru your posts ,I can only tell you a few things you need to consider. First of all you should be little distant with GF 2. She seems to be a trouble maker. She is also very jealous of your relationship with your hubby. And I still dont understand why you felt the need to tell her all your private conversation with your hubby. These are the things which cant be shared even with siblings or close friends. She is only an aquaintance thru your hubby. i dont know what compelled you to tell her everything.
Either you or your husband shud tell her point blank not to involve in your personal matters. How could you or him take it when she said why did you tell such things in one instance. He or you dont require permission from her on what you talk . I dont know why you or your husband didnt tell her not to get involved.Each relationship has its own place and value. It cant be mixed. She should know her boundaries or one of you should tell her.

sanju · Sep 12, 2008

ya i didnt say any personal matters of mine to her.but when she asked many times like how many times did my hubby said i luv u then i said so that she would understand tht me & my hubby are close.my hubby also said not to talk to her anymore as she is irritating me.he also reduced to talk to her.im happy now.ofcourse he talks but very less.he says everything to me.

thanku for ur replies