PLEASE HELP ... I really need advise..... cam to know my wifes affair before marriage

Re: PLEASE HELP ... I really need advise..... cam to know my wifes affair before marr

she was giving 100% for him after marriage. what ever happened is before marriage. she is devoting herself for him after marriage. so surely she is trust worthy. I dont see any reason not to trust her fully.

if she made a mistake before marriage, surely she need a second chance. and she is doing well in her second chance by loving and caring her husband.

 

Re: PLEASE HELP ... I really need advise..... cam to know my wifes affair before marr

Hi Sandy,

It is extremely difficult for a woman to say or confess to her husband, that she had an affair before marriage. Out of shame, guilt or hopeless feeling, she may not be able to tell you that she slept with her boyfriend before marriage. Now that you're married, you have to think whether she is important or her past. The choice is within you and not somewhere outside. No one guidance or advise from others is going to help you as you're living your life with your wife and not anybody else. Either you can forgive her or forget her. What matters the most now is whether your wife is truthful, loving & caring to you at this moment. What she did in her past may be hurtful but she is not able to help it. Judge for yourself.

 

Re: PLEASE HELP ... I really need advise..... cam to know my wifes affair before marr

The Present By Deepak Chopra

"If you stop fighting and resisting – you will fully experience the present, which is a gift." Someone once told me, "The past is history, the future is a mystery, and this moment is a gift. That is why this moment is called 'the present'.

If you embrace the present and become one with it, and merge with it, you will experience a fire, a glow, a sparkle of ecstasy throbbing in every living sentient being. As you begin to experience this exultation of spirit in everything that is alive, as you become intimate with it, joy will be born within you, and you will drop the terrible burdens and encumbrances of defensiveness, resentment, and hurtfulness. Only then will you become light-hearted, carefree, joyous, and free."
[Deepak Chopra]

 

Re: PLEASE HELP ... I really need advise..... cam to know my wifes affair before marr

Its the human tendency....they don't appreciate what they have.They always want some tension in their life.If they don't have any they create it.
If God snatch even a 1% of what they have...they behave they lost everything.
Dear you are example of this.
I am not at all sympathetic to you and your condition.Because you are acting immature.
You know your wife is yours now..she has no contact with that boy...then y r destroying your married life.Why are you making her life worse and making her feel guilty by blaming her.Do you know how embarassing it must be for her that u know that. You know how will she feel about herself if you don't support her and keep blaming her.
try to understand her condition what she must be feeling that her husband is behaving to her this way. ...because of her past affair.
That's why she did not tell you before marriage.Probably she knew you.
If she is gone out of your life or she take some wrong step because of your harsh words..then may be you will understand...how foolish you are acting.
When girls make bfs they are immature and very innocent.They don't have enough sense to take right decisions.Often bad guys convince them to have sex or they emotionally blackmail them .I think his happened to your wife too.If she would be a bad or immoral women...why is she devoted to you.I don't think it was not completely her fault for what you are punishing her from 2 months.It was her fault but you have already given her enough punishment for that.
Grow up man!!This is all i ave to say.

 

Re: PLEASE HELP ... I really need advise..... cam to know my wifes affair before marr

NidhiJain.. you are very correct.

 

Re: PLEASE HELP ... I really need advise..... cam to know my wifes affair before marr

Hi Sandy,

I can understand that it hurts. But then see it happened long ago, then she didn't even know your presence. Forgive her and start looking at her as your wife and not as some one else's girlfriend.

I don't justify her for not telling about this before hand. But then see if you were in her place what would you have done. When you want to forget something and start a new life, you obviously don't want your past to ruin it right.

You said you love her a lot. If you can love her positive qualities, you can love her negative qualities too. She is carrying your child. Be considerate to her. Forgive her whole heartedly and invite your wife back in to your life. Time heals and you will slowly forget about it.

What will you get by talking to her or your parents. You will be insulting her more thats all and matters will become worse. To err is human and she is repenting for what she has done. If she would have done something after marriage then it is unforgivable. But then it happened long ago and she is all yours now in true sense.

I am not defending her in any way. But then my dear life is very short. A day gone is gone. You will never get it back. Marriage is something that will keep two people bonded till death. Nothing and no one should ever come in between husband and wife.

Stop getting confused and start enjoying the fact that you are going to become a father. Very few people get this happiness in their lives. You both cannot let this golden period get away from your hands. Start planning for the toddler and you will automatically feel better.

You have a beautiful life ahead. Don't waste it. There is only onething which a husband and wife should ever share and that is love. Nothing else. No hard feelings, no hatred. They are forbidden words in marriage.

All the best and please be happy. :thumbsup

 

Re: PLEASE HELP ... I really need advise..... cam to know my wifes affair before marr

I pity on your wife.
Please think on her point of view too.
She was cheated by a guy before marriage.
(I used the word "cheated" because that guy used her body and didn't take effort to marry her. If he was a good person, he would have stopped your marriage and married her. Atlease, after her marriage he shouldn't have disturbed her by mailing you.)
My point of thinking, your wife would have already experienced many bitter things because of him. So, she didn't want to lookback. So she poured all her true love over on you after marriage.
I cannot even blame her parents. What did they did? What do you expect from them? How can they say you that their daughter was loving another person? what is the point in saying that? Any parent want to make their daughter life happiness.
If your wife is a wrong person, she would have contacted that guy after yr marriage, she didn't do that. She showed her true love on you.
Atleast think in another way as if you gave life to a widow.
That guy cheated her and not letting her to live her peaceful life.
Please don't make it public.(don't say to anyone, just you and your wife)
Will you be happy if she commits suicide?
Don't you think she is a very unlucky person? cheated by a guy and even after her marriage couldn't live her life fulleset? What a bad luck couldn't enjoy her motherhood?
Please be a nice person, try to heal her wounds with your sweet caring words. What else she is expecting from you? Your love, caring words.... anything else?
Sorry if I hurt you anyways.
I don't have much time to write, but couldn't stop me writing. I pray for your family. God should change your mind and should let you lead a happy life, should bless with a beautiful baby.
write more when I get time.

 

Re: PLEASE HELP ... I really need advise..... cam to know my wifes affair before marr

hi
u know what to do.....
U both love each other. She has made a mistake, whats love if u cant forgive the person u love so much .... just wait for sometime till all your anger and hurt feelings subside and then start life afresh ....

all the best

 

Re: PLEASE HELP ... I really need advise..... cam to know my wifes affair before marr

Hi sandy,

i am new to this forum. I have been reading your thread from last 10 days. Even i m also in your situation but i know how to deal with it. I can understand you because i had undergone with a same pain.

I never had any affair even being a good looking girl because i never ever thought about it but now i am about to get marry and my would be had more than 1 affair and was sexually involved.

My suggestion would be don't dwell on one's past because i have committed the same mistake .......... what i got nothing........ he cried a lot even i but at last what happened he had nothing just to say give me last chance........... and do you know i have given him a chance because i love him............... if i wanted i can break off my engagement but i didn't because i love him a lot. love never contains any conditions.

We are two different individual it's not always possible what you thought and never did before your marriage your wife would have done the same thing. Good news is that she is very much committed towards you.

In india most of the youngster are committed or had an affair before marriage i don't think so it's a big deal. If is it a mistake according to you so pls let me know have u never committed any mistake in your life....................

i think u should not punish your wife anymore because she is pregnant..........if u continue to do the same so u r committing a blender.

this is not your story see.........this is my story too and there are n numbers of people who are in a same place or even worst.

do u know i was thinking to break off my engagement but i calm down and think ............... what is the guarantee i' l get a boy with clean background , it may be possible i would get marry somebody who is one step ahead of him.

I can understand your concern she didn't tell you about his past before marriage but do you know i have so many friends who were into relationship before marriage but they never said anything to her hubby because of the fear that he might have left him. I think that's a same case with your wife.

Pls forgive her...............start a new life u already punished her.

i also forgave my would be.............. now we are happy

See god has given me one life i don't want to spoil it.

Hindi me kahawat hai " jo ho gaya so ho gaya aage ki socho"

u can not live without your wife and i can not live without my would be so..................... do you have a better option tell me ...................then what ? "go to your wife and said i love you and i don't care what you did as long as you love me"

u already taught her a lesson what more.........................

Bye & take care
Nikki

 

Re: PLEASE HELP ... I really need advise..... cam to know my wifes affair before marr

Dear Sandy,
So many of the Ilites have given u many advices but at the end the decision has to be yours... I believe u are feeling so so very cheated and unable to forget because u took extra care that u would love only your wife and no one before that and u expected that since u were so extra careful U would get a wife who did the same.... Basically it is ur expectation and initial belief that is broken here....right?....U have the right to be upset.... But this is something u have to work out for urself.... U cannot keep blaming everyone around u for the situation ( ur wife, her parents , ur parents etc...)

I agree that ur wife should have been truthful earlier but how does anyone- especially a girl -tell her future husband that she was intimately involved with another man???? Do u think any man will be able to love his wife completely after knowing this??? People can keep saying that it is the past so I am able to forget... but somewhere deep down it will keep coming back to the mind... ( particularly in our Indian society- especially if the girl is at fault.....) Don't hold that against her.....She regrets it and is crying for ur forgiveness....U know she loves u and in the last few years she is not in contact with the guy.... Now u are torturing her... especially since u try to bring back good times and then all of a sudden u turn angry....

She is carrying ur baby.... if she is emotionally upset it will hurt ur baby....From the way things are going it looks like u will keep the baby.... in that case u have decided to become a father.... well..... that is a big responsibilty..... A parent needs to learn to forgive..... There will be so many things in life that may not go as u expect..... Please take sometime to understand that u are blessed with a wonderful life ( loving wife and a baby on the way....)Don't make things bad..... U already lost ur job in this stress.... Get a hold on urself and move on in life positively....

Please do not discuss this with anyone in the family, not urs and not hers as...when u do get over this phase- u and ur wife may be able to move on but ur families will always discuss this (with/ without ur knowing) and it would be very uncomfortable for ur future....No matter how happy u would grow to be they will always remember this phase....

I trully believe that between a husband and wife no 3rd person should interfere.... here u are allowing her past to interfere and thinking about involving more people??? She is ur wife... not so called wife.... come on...only humans make mistakes and she is sorry.... so be her angel and forgive her and love her....

Really hoping u will not loose a happy life. All the best:thumbsup