Need advice on my Relaltionship

fragnantjasmine,

Iam very sorry to hear about ur condition...you r in hands of psycho ...it is clearly showing how he abuses you in front of everyone and how he changes and cries to get u back....

Please understand, no relative will come and help you and ur family if u r married and legally u r in helpless situation...now if u think ur relatives will talk about breaking the marriage , please let them talk, it will be there only till something interesting comes to their site and they will talk about that, but if u get married thinking about ur relatives, ur parents health, you and ur family will suffer till the end of ur life's....Ur parents will be maybe upset at first but they will be happy in the long run, bec they don't have to deal with a mentally unstable person like ur Boy friend....so please u have to decide whether u want to give ur parents life long suffering or some days of upset...

His parents also know that he his good for nothing, think if they have daughter, will they marry her to this kind of person, they r just trying to give away their burden to you....


You r just 24, and u can still wait 2 more yrs for marriage...try n find a job in other city(if possible)...ur brother will eventually get settled, so by thinking u r the whole n sole caretaker of the family , don't ruin ur life...u r not mahatma , u r just a simple girl and want to lead a simple life...so don't think ur brother will not take care of ur parents..

i advice u to read all the problems(family n relations section) girls were facing after getting love marriage tooo...please ur life is very precious, if he want to die , tell him go do it, but I BET HE WILL NOT DARE, and he will be with other girl within no time....

I hope u will take right decision bec GOD is showing u one door to get out immediately, so chose the correct path...

All The Best...

Skavi

Dearest,
I have seen my best friend and neighbor go through something like this and trust me - this relationship will NOT work. It was a big deal to get her out of this. Don't ever punish yourself by marrying him. You need a
a. level - head
b. logical mind
c. clarity of thought.Get the following things clear:

1. He needs psychological help and you are not here to help him save his life. He has to help himself.

2. When you begin a commitment, its better you analyze, think, and see if its going to work and then INFORM and SPREAD the news to parent or friends. Else when it doesn't work you are answerable to all of them.

Now, things that you can do to get yourself out of it:

1. call him up, tell him its over and cut the call. No explanations needed.

2. tell ur parents not to ask anything about the issue and take ur brother's help in confronting other relatives - he seems to be a sane person. Spread word among relatives that he has family problems or some terminal illness - and marriage cannot happen - never mind - u get on..... dont feel guilty...

3. get a job somewhere out of your city. Like move on to some other place. You can find a job in Bangalore or somewhere close to home.. find new friends,, find new hobbies,, visit new places,, go trekking....

4. it will be very very hard to forget all the past but its 100% possible - time will take care of it.

You are only 24..... I have never replied to someone's problems before this in indusladies, i always felt i am too young for it - i am only 23.. but when i read abt u, i really felt like talking to u, and, holding ur hand and saying, its ok.......

Life is too big... after an year or two, when u look back at these things u ll realise how trivial these things are!

Trust me, you will be fine.....

Regards,
dhivya.

hi fragrentjasmine,
i m really sorry for ur situation.

he is using u 100%. he is not a psyco or loving person at all. he is a devil. he want some girl for him to satisfy his emotion. thats all. nothing else he need. if +ble check this out. he never ever die for u at all. it is just a dialogue to keep u with him whenever he wants. get some help from detective company & handle it secretly. they may help u what he is thinking of u. what is his thought abt u everything. then u'll come to know. if anyone who is not make u happy is not a good guy. instead he is making u cry. so he is not at all trust worthy.

1st look the problem from outside & make the solution for that then plan for the solution & then execute it.

1st u read ur post 1st, then u'll come to know what happened? if it is hard to look the prob from outside just write it in a paper & read it relaxedly. then u'll come to know what is going on what need to do everthing.

just ignore him. cut the relationship with him smoothly, & as soon as possible. then change the location. thats it..

all the best.

fragrant jasmine,

believe it or not i was in the same position around 7 years back, my world around me crumbled, i was feeling like an idiot to put my parents in such a mess, all my relations knew about my affair, what not.... it was a living hell, then once i went to dubai with my parents on a visit and was lucky enough to find a job there, after a year i had the courage to tell that guy enough is enough and i did split with him. i made the right decision at the right point in my life
now i'm married to one of my old friend who knew about everything and i'm leading the most perfect life today with a sweet husband and a cute son.
the only suggestion i would make it is, its ur life, don't think about anyone else, so u have all the right in the world to make a choice, if u don't do it now, u will definitely suffer in future.
i wish you all the very best and i will pray to GOD that you get one of the best guys u deserve.....
radha

Dear,
It is very hard to break relationship. But when a man abuses please leave him immediately. There should be no second thoughts abt it. All the more you are not married. Stop this relationship, your father will understand. Even if he threatens let him do so, do not let him hold you by ransom.
Meanwhile find ways to get along and forget the whole episode. May God bless you and give you the guidance
Jaya

After goin through all the responses ,I got fromt his forum I spoke to my father yesterday.I told him I am not interested to marry him.My parents and his parents were supposed to have a meeting next week to discuss about wedding date and other things.

My papa started by asking,wht exactly is wrong with him.The following is the conversation we had.

ME:I said he always lies to me about even the silliest of issues,giving the reason that he is afraid I will scold him if he tells me the truth.

PAPA:He lying is not a reason for breaking up the relationship.I knew he lies,we have told you also about it,but then you defended him.Lying is the only problem he has.you know he is a good guy,does not smoke or drink,does not have any other affairs or sexual realtionship with any one,he loves you and is taking care of you.

ME:But he lied to me about so many things,that even if i want to I cannot trust this person anymore.Also when I confront him with his lies ,he hits me

PAPA:Did he really hit you??

ME:Ofcourse he did and he scratched my hand and I still have the scars.

PAPA:You must have told soemthing provocative about him and also because he is a BP patient he must have reacted like his.A known devil is better than an unknownn saint ,the saying also goes like tht,Also if you marry another person after a year or so,how can we or you be sure that he will be no different or worse than this,so its better you call him and talk,do not fight.Everybody has known about you hanging out with him,we were also very liberal with you,thts were we went wrong.Friends and realtives are goin to comment about your character"tht she is kind of girl who had an affair earlier".So wait till I speak to their parents and sought it out.

ME:I started to weep

PAPA:I am not forcing you .Lets see wht I can do,when I speak to his parents.


I was returning form my office around 8.30 pm using the offcie cab,tht very moment I wished so much that I would meet with an accident and die right there.I just wondered when so many inncoent people die in bomb blast and all,y I am not fortunate or unfortunate to die in soemthing like that.

I dont know what is to be done.
My confusion,he is a good guy,takes care of me,but lies to me about many things.

He loves me ,but when angry does not care even if I am hurt.Leave the physical scars,they will vanish..what about the mental scars,Its easy to hate a person you love more than anybody else.I have started to hate him.But how do I convince my parents about this.How do I overcome the fear what my close friends or society will speak about me???.How can I not protect the name and honour my parents have carried for so long.My marriage ,my papa's dream...if it gets delayed(wht if my papa is not alive to organise it ).My papa is the person I love the most on this earth,so should I marry the guy I have started to hate for my papa.

Later int he night ,papa called me and siad he spoke to mahesh and that he told my papa that he will not marry anyone apart from me and that he loves me to that extent..........I just pray god..god no body ever should be in a situation I am facing now.

Wht do I do now???

Dear Fragrant jasmine

Please, stop beating yourself up over this guy! He is definitely not worthy of you or your wonderful family. Listen to your brother. People may talk or mock, but who cares? It's going to hurt your parents even more if you marry this idiot and he starts abusing you.

He does not seem to be mentally stable. What grown man cries in the middle of the road for no reason? Please, get away from him as soon as possible. once you are married to him, it will even get worse! He might tell you that you cant go work, etc and might even tell you to stay away from your parents. What then? Remember all those movies about the phsycotic husbands? I suggest you go rent a few then you will see what I am saying. Men with these problems are all the same. They will never change. Here is a few... Daraar, Enough, Sleeping with the Enemy.

I dont mean to scare you, but you are young and you cannot ruin your live like this. Your Dad loves you and he wil eventually understand. I know its hard, but it is for the best. You will find happiness.

Please take the advise of all the ladies. Good luck to you!

He is waiting outside my office,and saying that he wants to meet me.He sent many messages asking me to forgive him and all.I know what is goin to happen if I go to meet him.I am really afraid,will he enter the offce and insult me.How will I get out of my office.Will he come to the place I am staying and make a fuss.he has threatned me several times tht he will do tht.

Hi Jasmine....

Iam sorry that ur father is behaving like a typical "what will society say" person...he wants u to be happy but more than that he is thinking about what people will say....

i want you to take all theses thread questions from you and all the replies to your and shown him...may be if he read what u r trying to tell in a calm room , he might understand...

you need to talk n talk about this to ur parents and put ur foot down that u won't marry this person...take ur brothers help in talking to ur parents...do u have any of ur mothers sister or dad's brother whom u can talk and arrange them to tell ur parents what u r going through...

iam really worried about you....we all can understand your situation..and i want to be with you and fight with your dad....but iam really very very far away...hope Devi Maa will show you the way n give you the strength to deal with this....


Skavi

Thanks a lot to you kavi,I need all your prayers

my papa is behaving like a socirty person becoz of is health and wht mahesh had called him and said ,tht he loves me a lot and will not marry any other girl and cannot leve without me.I sure my papa understands me looking at my face itslef,he is in the native so he is probably not understanding the seriousness.But i am sure I will succeed in making him understand.

Basically mahesh is very charming and good looking,so people easily belive him to be a good guy,even if me and him were before all the indus ladies no body would even widely guess that mahesh may even act something like that.

I am a person who slightly holds self respect in high.I am also short tempered ,only with people I know very closely and confident tht they will pardon me (eg my mama and my bro...papa I hold him in respect).Many of my realtives think I am proud ,all becoz I am educated and working and they think that I am hgh headed and attitude prone,becoz I speak for wht convinces me.I am the only lady who has done engineering and employed in my mama and papas close family(I am not proud abt it)but my parents take pride in me.

Evry body has rough and smooth times in life.please pray I can also get through this.

Thanks once agian to all u ladies.U all have given me moral support.

Please continue to advise me .Pray for me plz.