Hello Ladies...I came across this website long back, but joined just now....This is my first post....Would be posting my side of story onmarried life very soon...:)Cheers!Sona
I am a tamil iyer and got married 1 month back.....my DH is a north indian (UPite).
Culture , tradition everything is different....
I was born and brought up in mumbai.My parents are very out going...I had lots of freedom at home, we used talk laugh together...very happy go lucky family.....
my inlaws are very traditional though not that orthodox
here in UP tradition ,
1. DIL has to touch the feet of all elders as well as feet of unmarried girls.DIL has to give money after she touches the elder's feet and she gets some aashirwad in the form of money or gold or silver items etc.
2. all the time u have to have the pallu on ur head , etc etc.
being a tamilian this was not what we followed, everything seemed to be opposite of the tamilian tradition.
My in laws were very much against this marriage, but they had to bow their head against their son's wishes.
They some how have accepted me as their DIL.but all the time they had a doubt that whether I would adjust in their tradition.
Finally the time came when I had to go to my in laws house for the first time after marriage...My BP was very high....(not in the real sense)...fully tensed...my DH had given me an idea about how his parents outlook is , but still I had the feeling that worst is yet to come...
I arrived at my inlaws house, which in a bit interior area in kanpur,
I was welcomed with aarti and other ususal stuffs..and was ghereoed by DH's relatives.I had a pallu covering my head, which ofcourse was very irritating....but I had to do as otherwise all would point fingers at my DH.
DH and me had to sleep separately since elders were there in the house.So in front of them we cannot have our privacy.
I had to get up early morning before everyone gets up , bath, wear a saree and touch feet of elders.
All this was very new to me but this getting up early in the morning and sitting amidst ladies and being stared was one thing which made me go crazy...but I used to connvince myself saying dont get angry..be cool...you love your Dh very much....do it for his happiness......:)
My MIL though strict is good to me.but she has her own set of rules and regulations.I should not sit on the bed/chair always on the floor in front of elders etc etc.I got really pissed off when she used to unnecessarily remind me the same thing 100 times.but I controlled my anger just becoz I love my DH very much.
My SIL, came from delhi, and she used to instruct me all the time and check if I was behaving properly,that was another headache for me....
My MIL though good has a habit of scolding me or repriminding me for small things when other relatives are there..I used to feel so bad that I used to cry when alone.Those taunting words used to haunt me and when I see my DH alone, I used to tell everything to him and say that enough I cant bear anymore.
My DH is very sweet.He will listen to everything I say and tell me "darling what should I do.Should I scold mother in front of u?That wil be not rite on my part.Just forgive her thinking she is old.and if u can tolerate come and scold me.dont say in front of her anything.this is the first time you are in your inlaws place.So people will be watching you closely.Just bear this time." I felt better when I heard those words.
Finally all relatives left one by one and our family was the only there in the house.Now my mother in laws atttitude changed completely.she used to pamper me a lot.I was surprised with the sudden change in her attitude.I was very happy.I realised that when relatives are around she acts strict other wise she is very nice person.
Now its been nearly 1 month that I am back from my inlaws house, my MIL keeps calling and telling me that she misses me very much.I am her ideal bahu etc. she says she misses my laughter in the house etc.
I am happy now. Thanks to my DH for understanding me and making me understand.
My silence paid off very well..
It is truely said "First Impression is the best impression"!!!!!
If you have your man with you, you can rule the world. Welcome to IL and have a warm stay here. You will surely enjoy browsing the site. Check on the forums we have variety of posts from hobbies to gossips! See you always in IL!!
Welcome to the IL.....I should say you are the luckiest...." You have your man on your side..." am sure when you know this you would also make the required adjustments and both live happily together.....
Malspie has said it right!! If you have your man with you...you can rule the world...
dear sona,
welcome aboard your journey in IL.
really happy that your patience has paid off and that your blessed with a nice husband and family.cherish them.wishing you more and more happiness to come your way!!!!
best wishes
pavi
Sona, you are very lucky to have such a nice husband. Its doesn't matter if everybody else is not nice to you if your husband is your side. Your husband atleast consoles you when you are pissed off. Thats really nice attitude towards wife. I wish my husband too understands me that way instead of thinking that I am complaining. I think all husbands out there atleast console wives when they cant talk to parents directly. My husband is always like there is nothing wrong in what they said just shut your mouth and stay calm. Our family is like this. Whole world is like this etc etc... Which really surprises me. Even I used to stay calm for whatever they said to me. But it didn't pay off in my case. The situation got worse because I was saying nothing and doing like whatever they say. They took advantage instead of understanding my patience. Theories doesn't always work the same. It depends on the people and situations i guess.
Last edited by cauphy; 16th July 2008 at 11:38 PM.
nice to read about you...and u won't believe my story is just like urs
just i am from U P and my hubby from Maharastra and we married 2 months back
i know all values of U P culture what u have written in your thread
and my Hubby also say same when i complaint him abt my MIL
but i stay with mi In Laws so it made a diffrence.
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