does husband mean everything?

Hi

I recently came through this site and really impressed by all the messages and post. I hope joining this message board would be a big support for me.

I am recently married, (6 months) and i always wonder is it true that, does husbands mean everything for us soon after our marriage....i still keep thinking about my parents and after reading this posts, i would like to ask how you people tried to cope up with inital days of your marriage and what made you felt that husband is everything for you. Mine is an arranged marriage and my husband has been caring and loving so far,except that he is more of a career oriented person.
please share you thoughts

Hi Ashwini,

A BIG Welcome to IL and Hearty Congratulations on you rnewly married status.

It is natural for one to miss parents and family after marriage - that is what we know as life before marriage! Coming to your question, is husband everything - to a large extent yes (applies to both the spouses) not because he is husband and you should feel so but because I think our lives get intricatly tied and the repsonsibility of leading a life as adults suddenly hits home and add to that there is the fact that sooner or later, the family increases in size and a whole new dynamics come in to picture. It is something like The Cirlce of LIfe. We have to grow up in a short period of time and it helps to have an attitude of "I will do my best for my little world" Ofocurse it doesnot mean you should ignore one's own family - it will not be 'my little world' then. This is what helped me through in the beginning. And as we begin to stay away from our parents, our lttle world develops its own dynamics and our parents worlds' dynamics change too. And then there is this fact that our parents want us to be happy with our spouses - so we begin to accept each other unconditionally. And the whole thrill of discovering another person and building a life together makes the initial days of marriage work. Is this what you were expecting or did I go off at a tangent?

Hi Ashwini,

Welcome to IL. The first few months after marriage are lovely when you are trying to understand and accommodate each other. It is also the time when one is trying to cope with a new life with a new person without the comforts of parents and siblings and the 'home' where you lived. I think it is a natural feeling to miss them. But there is no need to feel that the only person who matters now is your husband. It is just that you have now found a person who will unconditionally be with you always as you would, for him. This 'unconditional love' will give you the strength to face the isolation you feel.

I would say that dont let your life revolve around your husband - it can get too much for both of you. Find time to do things you always wanted to but never could - like learning a new craft/language/ cookery, etc. At times when you want to spend together, Find activities that you and your husband can do together and which both of you would enjoy.

Iam posting here a poem by Kahlil Gibran - no more words are required on marriage, isn't it?

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.


Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.


Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.


hope to catch you more often in IL,

Cheers,

Sumathy

Hi ashwini

I would say "Husband is everything in life" for 2 years of marriage....after that when you still be the same husbands consider you as a "Nagging wife " who pokes her nose into each and every activity of mine....We are still the same and our affection will be the same but after 2 years of marriage Men feel they were happier as bachelors...and have lost all their freedom

for example: Immediately after marriage you would be exploring varioue things of life about your life partner like favourite food, favourite Shirt, favourite tourist place and all....and he feels you are taking care of him...after 2 years you suggest that we go this Favourite tourist place and havve this Favourite Food...He will be like
"Hell...now i need to abide by her rule and Go this "place " n have this "food""

So after2-3 years...husbands are not everything, Men ask for their space and they give you their respect for that....and you keep yourself happy by making your social circle larger and not cribbing about the "Golden days of married Life"

Hope this was useful to u

Cheers!!
Anu

Sumathy,
Beautiful Poem. Thanks for posting it.

Hi,

Does"Husband mean everything"? Fom my experience.. the first few years.. u try to make that statement true.. though it might not end up.. and eventually after sometime we start feeling of having lost our identity. But in the long run.. say after 10-12 yrs of marriage.. yes..i completely agree with the statement.. they both mean everything to each other. It is a beautiful phase of life.. with watching the kids growing up, sharing your thoughts, emotions with no inhibitions and all.. i can go on. The beauty of marriage is realised as the years pass by and spouses accept each other with the good n bad of the other person.

anu