pregnant and lots of relationship issues

mirrorimage · Feb 14, 2016

Husband is parents boy(not just mama's but papas as well).my MIL is at home and I sort of have established a peacefull relationship now by agreeing to everything she says since I dont want to argue with her in this state of pregnancy and putting myself in stress.
To try to avoid some unpleasant situation or comments from her I lock the door and do something of my interest or studies.And my husband as soon as he comes from office he sits in the hall and I cant have any conversation with him freely (because everything I speak to him,MIL will note and argue on same with me when he is not there or I am just not comfortable)
To avoid..I rarely talk to him and he also comes to sleep next to me in the night around 3 or 4 AM while till then MIL and husband will be conversing with each other.I just ignored since I am pregnant and dont want to argue much.
Yesterday My husband started shouting at me for keeping the mobile in car and searching in front of his mother.
Me:I dont like you shouting in front of others
Husband: She is not other..she is family and she has all rights to know and I cant act in front of her.I just can be myself.
Me: Be yourself,but when it comes to me I don't want anyone to shout at me like that in front of everyone.
Husband: Screams at me in the car to an extent my ear goes numb with resonance,could not hear anything and 8 months pregnant I just wanted to run away from this situation
Me: crying
Husband: you just dont care for me,you dont appreciate all that I do,you just complain ,you are not bothered about my stress levels,financial levels.You are happily sitting at home while i go out there and work with so much stress.you are only bothered about your happiness.you want everything to be done your way.you always lock the door and not even speak to my mom.
Me: fully frustrated that he thinks so cheap about me could not sleep entire night.Just tears started flowing down like crazy.I am spoiling my health and my babys health and feeling guilty..
He: comments saying I am using baby as weapon for making him feel guilty by crying
feeling so bad...

bhagya85 · Feb 14, 2016

Hi OP,
If you want your husband's love and affection then you must love their parents as well ,its an unwritten rule.He is unhappy because you isolate yourself from them.He will be happy if you are good to their parents by chatting with them, be with them in living room when they are all together, be with MIL in kitchen, work together or plan activity together.Try to remain silent on all the topics that would trigger an argument.If you want to read something,do it in living room.

He is rigid and he somehow wants you to patch up with their parents whatsoever might be.If you really long for your husband's affection I think you should try this, unconditionally everything will fall into place.

mirrorimage · Feb 14, 2016

I do communicate with them..Just that I stay at home and how much can I talk from morning till night? I do go out for a walk with her..talk to her listen to all her proudest moment and watch tv with her..ask her everytime if she had her tablet..if she had her dinner/food every time...do breakfast early in the morning for everyone while she sleeps so that I dont disturb her..Its just that these days my hormones even if she says something I lose my temper which aggravates situation.Hence I try to remain silient and avoid standing up for myself when I get criticized...

yellowmango · Feb 14, 2016

Hugs to you OP.Just try to ignore them now.This is the last month ,then you will have your bundle of joy in your hands.

Listen to calm music.Read good books.Look at cute baby pictures and videos.

Wishing for a ton of patience and love for you .hugsmiley

kcb · Feb 14, 2016

Don't worry OP, this is a phase.....all these arguments are common between family members....don't take anything serious....take care of your health, don't think about anything else for the moment.....

YoGirl · Feb 14, 2016

Men think that they are doing favor by struggling at office...as if we are not struggling at home. If he has frustrations to show, you too have the right to show. You did a good job on confronting at the very moment. A husband who spends soo much of time with his mom that too when wife is eight months pregnant is an immature idiot. We all know that its the hormones overworking in you, but please dont spend this last month in frustration. Post delivery, things are even more frustrating. Is there a way to go to ur mom's place for few days to relax?

thegirlygirl · Feb 14, 2016

YoGirl said: ↑

Men think that they are doing favor by struggling at office...as if we are not struggling at home. If he has frustrations to show, you too have the right to show. You did a good job on confronting at the very moment. A husband who spends soo much of time with his mom that too when wife is eight months pregnant is an immature idiot. We all know that its the hormones overworking in you, but please dont spend this last month in frustration. Post delivery, things are even more frustrating. Is there a way to go to ur mom's place for few days to relax?
Click to expand...

Perfect Answer! :thumbsup

Telling a heavily pregnant 8 months wife she is doing 'nothing' and sitting idle at home is very very insensitive!

Your body is doing work 24 hours rearing his and your child inside your body!

Either confront him on this and point this out to him politely and tactfully if he is someone who understand and if in the past you both have been able to agree on things after discussions, if not then I suggest you ignore his jibe and focus on the baby. I know it is very difficult but better then getting hurt even more by his more hurtful words.

MalStrom · Feb 14, 2016

Your husband might be having some frustrations and tension about being the sole earner especially now that your family is growing. However it is completely unacceptable for him to take it out on you. Also your MIL might be complaining about you to him, and this is his cheap way of trying to show her he's boss.
Continue what you are doing with respect to your MIL. If your husband shouts again though, politely but firmly tell him you will not be treated like this, then get up and leave.

StrongLady · Feb 15, 2016

Dear Op,

Hugs to u dear. Yes don't cry, ur sadness will impact u and baby.
Your husband sounds like a careless husband who doesn't have any feelings for wife. Just ignore not only mil also husband.
Yes keep sitting inside and avoid those stupid faces .
This time ur hubby shouts don't even reply. He should have some shame to treat u like this at this point of time.
Let them think u using baby as weapon. Let them blame what evet, dobt react and try to do more they don't deserve.

You want this most beautiful time to be a happy one, so literally give fake smile and be calm. Let the dogs shout.

I hope u goto ur mom place for delivery and enjoy with ur baby.

YoGirl · Feb 15, 2016

And OP if your H says that you are using the "baby" as a reason, tell that educated illiterate to take 10 mins off his busy time(talking to mom and wasting time off internet and mobile) to google and learn about what a pregnant woman goes through and the mood swings that we have.