What caution should I take?

I was in a similar (much worse) situation. We moved abroad. My mil is a very clever calculative scheming woman. i can never win with her - i can never think like her or manipulate like her. So, i didnt have much choice.

i cut contacts with mil once we moved abroad. I also refused to give inlaws access to my kids. Its been nearly 5 yrs. Inlaws visited us for the first time recently. MIL behaved! She still tried on 2-3 small things. I didnt give her much attention. She behaved! She knows she will not come back ever if she didnt behave!! We moved thousands of miles away !! if she behaved as much when we were in India, we'd never have run away. Her loss , entirely!

Reg your parents, do you have siblings in India? Make it very clear to your husband that he HAS TO behave properly with your parents when they visit (provided they are good to him). The same applies to you too - PROVIDED MIL BEHAVES.

 

I think moving far away from negativity is best for all. For initial 2-3 months it will be hectic but in a long run you will be happy and peaceful.

Isnt that u want for ur family ???

 

Cons:
1. Need to start from [COLOR=#009900 !important]scratch[/COLOR] in a new country.

not that bad to start from scratch in USA, it is more easy if ur H goes before 2-3 months, he can search apt to rent, nearby good schools. Buy a car.
cable, internet, etc connections list available from apt office, in 2-3 days it all be set.

2. Will be away from my parents
you said they are in mid 50s, so i think it is OK as they are not that aged right now

3. Need to find a new job.

visa Eligibility to work is big concern, if u are eligible then searching is not a problem i think. are u eligible to work, are u on L2 or H4 or greencard?

4. Not sure, if it is worth to leave my job and go( I need to go atleast for my kid. dad and daughty can't be away from each other for a long time)

So ur H anyway going. Ur kid will definitely get more exposure and will help her definitely in life. Take leave or work from home options and see how it works before leaving ur job.

5. If my parents need any assistance, then I can't be there for them). They are in mid 50's now.
At this age, in Bangalore, they can definitely manage I believe, if needed u can travel to India and assist them.

6. I don't know whats going on in my H's mind. He is not ready to tell.

Ask him how many years visa is there, how long he wants to stay? is he wants to settle in USA? your kid also should know these things before taking her to new school.

Ladies, please suggest me if I need to take care of anything.

1. I will keep some money aside in FD in India
it is good to save some money, which can be used when u go for visits to India or ur parents can use if needed, or FD is also good ,
2. [COLOR=#009900 !important]Look[/COLOR] for job immediately.
if u have work authorization, and once ur kids settle to their new school in new place, you can start searching for jobs.

Husband wants to move abroad now.

I can say that 50% of this decision is influenced by Mil-dil fights and 50% for his career.

both reasons are good, and hope you too can improve ur career once u join in USA and good for kids to see new environment in all ways.

Precaution to take is: 1. find out whether u have work visa or not. 2. As u miss parents, tell him u want to visit parents once a year or once in two years in the beginning once u financially settled abroad it depends, may be once in six months. 3. Google all needed info for the city u are going, apts, schools, indian stores, indian restaurants, etc, so that u will be informed.

 

Do you think there's a chance your ILs plan to move in with you once you guys settle in the US?

 

You say you dont have any savings..why dont you try taking steps on that? Start opening FDs, PPF etc on your name..Being financially dependent on him will be one big risk you will be taking added to your other marital woes..
I would suggest getting a job there and then moving in with him..

Also your MIL is single right? Now that the dynamics have completely changed from what it was earlier, she will guilt trap your H every now and then..She might brain wash him as distance makes heart grow fonder..This might result in unwanted tussles between you both..you should be prepared for it..

You may invite your parents only when you are sure that they will be treated right..Else you can plan visiting them with your kid..

Had I been in your place I would have frankly asked him what he wants..Also I would explain my displeasure and insecurity about being completely dependant on him as he utters the D word during fights..

 

Dear YoGirl,

You have experience in living in the US also you have a valid visa to work there, so 50% of the problem is solved.

If your are confident that you can get a job there, then its good to move to US as its going to be a good break for you both. You will get more personal time & space to resolve the issues between you as there will be no interference & influence of others.

No interference of others = No influence on your DH

Sometime distance brings the closeness, your in laws may feel the gap and eventually issues may get solved. The option to return to India is always with you whenever you want.

 

If u have work visa and in India till u leave the country, continue working. With this experience, u can get it very easily.


are u in good terms with ur employer who holds ur work visa? You contact the employer now itself , tell that u are coming to usa soon, and what type and technology jobs u are looking for and the cities u are interested in. They will do best in marketing ur resume. Even they can arrange interviews when u r in india, u can take telephone or Skype video call interviews based on client preference. All the best. Ur employer will do marketing , so no need to worry. prepare well to face interviews. All the best

coming to the question , if H takes some drastic decisions, u can face and solve it well than in India. It is my opinion. Bring some money with u when come to usa, so that u and kids can survive for few months like 3 months, just to be safe side. 5 or 6 k $ would be good, to feel ur self secured.

Any way u will be earning and even not earning ur H has to support u.

Tryhard for for those cracking interviews. All the best.