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i hate myself and wanted to die

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by rekhadeepu, Feb 3, 2016.

  1. rekhadeepu

    rekhadeepu New IL'ite

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    I am married women.I love my husband and he loves me so much.I never saw a caring and loving husband like him.he is more than my mom to me..
    Before marriage I loved someone its not love just attraction for me when i was 9th class.he went away after some days then I forgot.then my husband loved me and he told my parents, they agreed and then he asked me I too accepted. He is my relative and I know him from childhood,I always liked to be with him from childhood..we were married and very happy..after 4yrs that guy (loved before mrg) called me and said he still loves and wanted to die for me.he was very sad.I felt bad for him. I wanted to tell my husband about his call but I am afraid because they knows each other and I told my husband about him after my marriage. Then I wanted to tell him not to contact again but he made emotional with his words..I was concerned and don't want to hurt him.I gave my mail I'd.I was chatting with him.then after 2months I felt it is not gud and I told him I don't like to talk to him.. Then I didn't talk to him for a month.I called him not to talk, I just wanted to hear his voice it means he is fine.then started begging me to talk once,then I talk to him.he said his marriage date is fixed and he don't want to marry he wants to die.I was scared and I thought I have to talk until his marriage.after his marriage I wanted to stop talking..after is marriage I told him I can't talk anymore.he said no.whenever I told him he starts crying and makes me emotional.I don't like anyone suffering because of me..I was chatting with him then my husband also doubted on me because I was hiding my chat window. That guy irritated me so much.I never wanted to cheat my husband I want to tell him when I stop talking with that guy.then I heard that guys wife is pregnant. My husband asked me about my chatting,then I thought I have to tell my husband,i told him everything. He was little angry for hiding this and said no need to talk to him.I promised my husband I will never talk again. I send email to that guy about this. told him not to disturb me again. It happend before 3yrs.my husband never did anything wrong with me.we forgot and very happy..but that guy was sending mails and I scolded him many times he didn't stop.1yr later,I became pregnant and we were happy we forgot the world because we are waiting from 6yrs for my my baby..and I also heard that how much my trusts me,then I decided I have to die for him and won't do any mistake again.and I stopped responding to that guys mails..then he messaged me in whats up one day,I got so much angry. He wanted to tell me about his second son birth.. I told him not disturb us and I don't want anything about him.he started crying I told him to cry but no need to tell me.. Then* I gave birth to my boy, full of happiness. Again tht guy send email congratulating me but I didn't reply.after some months he again messaged in whats up,my husband saw that and I told him bout his mails and everything. Then I messaged him like my husband,he didn't reply.I think he was afraid.. My husband didn't tell anyone and never said anything bad about me.he loves me so much..after my baby born I came to know what I did,I was very guilt and crying nights alone..don't know whom to share I can't sleep..but that guy didn't change, he was uploading profile pics in Facebook linking my name with his name..I know his password I deleted once,and told him not to upload again. But again he started uploading..3months before I send mail to delete them.then he replied that his health is not gud,he hs heart problem. He said it is happened because of thinking too much..I got angry and I told him how much I am crying and I wanted to suicide because of him.i told him don't think and take care of hi family..then he called To my mobile my mom and uncle received.my husband also there.Iknow its his call hen I replied him not to call again. I will never talk to him.then he dint reply.I waited 1day and I was scared.may be something happened to him because of my words.I called his his mobile but it was not working I checked his fb there also no updates..then I send an email, but his wife saw that and she asked for my pictures. I was afraid wo is that I know its not him..next day I called him and he said it's her but no problem.. Ia relieved.then again I told him to delete pics in fb..he deleted them, didn't upload any picture. He always wants to tell me everything about him,he wants attention from me..he ddint upload any profile pic because he wants me to saw that,* then i uploaded his son pictures, and I called him to tell that.he was very sad and said he is not happy..I send an email why he is not happy in life..he replied he still loves me and I is living with my memories and more..I told him not think like that.. It was just attraction I told him to take care of his family..and his wife is there for him to share everything.. He likes his wife..he is telling that he loves me only and he is crying everyday for me like that. Then he didn't replied anything.next day he said his wife saw he mails.he deleted them but somehow she saw..he sid he solved no need to worry..he told his wife, he himself send mails to make her jealous..he* said she is happy and believed him..but iam afraid because he is relative from y mom side and everybody knows about us..if anyone told her then she will feel better and don't know what will happen..and if my mom knows this she will die or she will kill me..he is very sure tht will happen..he promised me he will take care of his wife and my family respect..he also told me he will never disturb me again..but iam afraid andi want to share with my husband..I told him everything he was very angry..later he said it's not wrong because I was concerned about his health.and also I feeling guilty so he asked me to forgot everything and he wants me to be happy like before.even me want to forget but I can't..iam always crying and I am seriously wanted to die..iam thinking about my husband and my son..I hate myself and I feel ashamed when I saw my husband and my mom want to share with my mom but I can't..I can't live like this.. And I am afraid of that guy may be he will disturb mynlife again..whenever iam happy he is spoiling my happiness.. I think I will become mad..don't know whose mistake is this..I hate myself. I have everytghing,loving parents and husband and beautiful baby but no peace..I feel like I don't have the right to live as his wife..I hate myself..Iam irritating my husband and I am not even thinking about my baby..alwys crying and hurting myself . don't know how to forgot..
     
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  2. Sweetgirl123

    Sweetgirl123 Silver IL'ite

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    If you are self harming yourself, you need to stop immediately. And perhaps seek professional help.

    obviously this guy was a very dear person to you in the past but now he has turned into a toxic, manipulative two faced person.
    he is not good for you and you need to cut him out of your life, for good. just block all his numbers, emails and other accounts.
    Anyway I'm confident that he is just trying to manipulate you from seeking help through others by saying that your mom will kill you if she finds out that he has been harassing you? if anything, she should be angry at this stalker guy. You know your mom best to judge her reaction, if you are unsure dont ask your cousin but maybe a sibling?
    If your husband has level head on his shoulders and doesnt have a short temper, I don't see any reason against telling him this guy is harassing you.
    Maybe he was different in the past but what he is doing now is pure bullying. He is also trying to isolate you from others by trying to prevent you from telling said others about the situation.
    This aren't the actions of someone who cares for you. You don't even share a real past, just some days of infatuations and now some emails and whatsapp messages. Hardly a scandal.
    and its probably better if everyone hears your side of the story first, before he might come round and spread lies about you. tell them, he won't stop harassing you and its deeply disturbing for you having to deal with these unwanted advances. He is married after all, which makes me feel real bad for his wife.
    there are limited things you can do to control his actions but you can do everything to control your reactions to him.
    close this chapter and get on with your life.
     
  3. sugugiri2010

    sugugiri2010 Gold IL'ite

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    delete you email id, change ur phone number, and stop thinking abt his health. Initially u will feel little worried but later u will be fine. And am sure these kind of men just utter stupid dialogues, they never bring anything into action. so stop worrying abt him.
     
  4. generic

    generic Gold IL'ite

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    I dint have time to read the entire post..but you are a victim of blackmail that's quite clear...these people prey on one thing- fear...don't get scared, be transparent about this entire matter with your husband and family members...your husband would rather know it from you rather from that blackmailer, you have nothing to lose as you were never involved with him in the first place..let them know that you are being harassed..then tell him boldly, that your husband husband knows your activities, if he continues this you would make a police complaint. Do not stay in touch with him or respond to him. Hopefully he should stop bothering you.
     
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  5. Sapna56

    Sapna56 Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear OP
    Past is past. Live in present. U have caring husband and a baby to look after. Don't contact that guy again. His wife is there to take care of his health. Block his number mail id etc if he tries to contact you. If you maintain contact with that guy you DH and the guys wife will get insecure and this will create troubles n problems in both the families. As the guy is from your moms family news and rumors will get spread everywhere. Be mature and strong. If the guy troubles you after not keeping contact with him let your DH know.
     
  6. msindu

    msindu Bronze IL'ite

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    Don't hurt your husband. Break all ties with previous guy and give no replies and change address if possible. These guys will emotionally blackmail into unfortunate situations.
     
  7. Angv5

    Angv5 New IL'ite

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    You got a good life that many ladies envy. Dont loose it. Marriage is like a clay pot. Even a small scratch may destroy your peace.
    Just disconnect all ties with him. Turn your focus on some thing else. Look for a meditation group, learn stitching or something else. Do not fall for any guy outside your marriage
     
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  8. JGVR

    JGVR Gold IL'ite

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    That guy has two kids,his wide believes him and he says that his wife is happy.You are someone else's wife and you are unhappy because of that guy.Delete your facebook account,create a new email id and start using that.Don't even use the current email id which the guy knows.Change your phone number.Believe me,that guy won't die or commit suicide for you.So forget about him and focus only on your kid and husband.Don't respond to his emails,dont respond to his calls and don't respond on facebook or whatsapp-do this continuously for 2 months and then see.
     
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  9. bruised234

    bruised234 Gold IL'ite

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    It seems to me like you have some issues. Your husband is a very nice guy from what you said. Why are you poisoning your own family atmosphere by paying attention to that ass. He has a wife and two kids and still pursuing you. Clearly he also has some issues. His mind is with you and body with wife. I can't find words. Better you cut off totally and don't ever show concern. Let me tell you from personal experience, if you are talking to this guy, the message you are sending is that you are interested and you are fine with him interfering in your life, at least that is what he will think. He is an extremely bad guy who is using you and his wife and toying with emotions. You should be really happy you did not land up with that guy and your stars were extremely good. Please don't ruin your life for this guy who is nothing to you at present.
     
  10. rekhadeepu

    rekhadeepu New IL'ite

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    Thanku all..I deleted my email I'd.that guy himself told me he won't disturb me again and he wants me to be happy with my family.. But I can't trust him because I told him more than 1000times to stay away from me but he didn't understand..now his wife also saw that mails.I don't have any problem,I just told him to be happy with his family.he only said so much in that mail that he loves and he has cring alone,he is unlucky and more.. Iam thinking about her if she knows truth don't know what she will do but he said he will take care of her.. And whenever Iam happy he will spoil my happiness..before marriage I never talked to him, he just proposed me but I didn't said anything I was very small i don't know true love. I was in my uncles house, he went to my aunt
    ,he said he wants to marry me and he said I too love him..then he went out of country.. My relatives were talking very bad about me.they told my parents also they didn't said anything to me..rhen afer marriage he got my number from somone and called me without thinking about my life,my husband forgave me once.but he didn't stop disturbing me,iasked him many times if my husband divorced me or hated me then what's my life.but he didn't change .then Iam irritated Iam away from him,then again this all happened. When I got married..I was very happy,my husband is really really good.. I never saw anyone like him.really Iam blessed to have him in my life.Actually iam very decent,I don't like talking too much..that's why my husband loved !me and married against his family..he left his family for me..I told that guy everything and I also told I love husband only..but he didn't understand me..I asked him how can he call someone else's wife he said he didn't think it just happened like that..I told him its not love its selfishness..I hate him..
    I don't know what my husband thinking about me..Iam always asking him he is saying that he never think bad about me..he loves me so much..he is saying its not wrong chatting with that guy..he said he never hates me.he said he is happy with me and he can't live without me.he promised on me..iam thinking my mom will hate me if she knows this then why my husband is silent..why he has to suffer because of me..i really love him and i cant live oneday withut him.iam very proud of our relationship,and everybody tell us same. Infact everyone r jealous of us.i dont want to ask my huband about this but dont know why iam always asking and irritating him..iam really ashamed.i want to die,i cant live crying everyday.iwant to kill that guy..now that guy told me its his mistke and he will apologize my husband holding his legs..I said no need he already spoiled my happiness.. And my husband is not a cheap mn like him I said..
    Iam afraid that if anybody knows will they hate me.may be they will talk badly about my family. I know that I never did any mistake I just wanted that guy to be happy. But dont know why Iam afraid..
     

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