To Males members / women who have brothers

Kudos to this girl!!!

We are in times where it is very ok to demand a 'working girl' and ask her to share household expenses.
But at the same time if the so called 'working girl' says the above i.e politely tells she is not comfortable in living with in laws in the same house, she is immediately looked down on and labelled 'homebreaker', 'badgirl', 'moderngirl' and what not!!

 

She speaks her mind and justifies it. really admire her for the same rather than saying this post marriage.

 

Ans(3) - I will not influence my brother to reject this proposal.

I am not sure why a SIL is viewed so badly on this forum. If at all any SIL is wicked and selfish she would rather like it if her brother and his wife are living away from her parents so that she can visit her parents whenever and have her say in their matters!!

That said, I would acknowledge her requirements and appreciate her for this.
When it come to choosing a girl for my brother, I will consider how well she compliments my brother and how well they gel. Living arrangements will not even be on my mind!

 

I don't have unmarried brother but I would not mind if my sil likes to live nuclear as long as they are taking care of my mother....no need to live under one roof.....

 

@op,

i would not influence my bro if SIL makes such wish ..

in my real life I helped my sil( we have Gud relation ) to have nuclear family .. But after having kids where she herself told would like to join parents then too we supported her ..

She has both kind of experiences .. Like living in nuclear family after marriage now in joint family with kids .. As per her she is happy bcoz It's her choice ..

 

I have a brother and I want him and his wife to be happy. So nuclear or not its their wish.
I want me and my brother to share the expenses of my parents. Need not be in the same roof.

I prefer nuclear home. Best to keep all at distance. Builds warmth and love more.

Both inlaws and parents should be welcome at our home.

 

I was this girl 7 years back.... I was this sister of a brother (SIL) 2 years back and I have seen many men who accepted this idea wholeheartedly.

When I got married, I was very clear that I can't live at someone else's house with adjustments all my life. So, I had plans to build my own home.
I was ready to invite any sets of parents to live with us at their ripe age, should they willing to spend their last times with us.
Also, i knew it is a blessing and privilege to have grand parents around for my kids at their early childhood times.
When I build my house, I had planned it accordingly; hence kept separate floor for in laws and parents in the same house.
You know, my in laws are Hindus, and my parents are Christians. So, the house is built to accommodate both of their needs/rights in moderate.

I did not expect my husband to build a house to fullfil my desire. Because I know his desire was something else in this regard. He always wanted to move in with PILs, or invite only PILs to our home. So that MIL could run the house regardless of whose house is this.
So, he didn't see the need to build a house for us.
I am sure, if I wasn't able to build my own house, I wouldn't be enjoying the luxury of living on my own without any judgments.
So, to ask such a brave thing against what your culture has taught, needs independence. Financial independence to be precise.

Now, my mother, who has become a widow, lives with us in our house. I think, it is better to have her around for 2 reasons. To give her the assurance and emotional support. To give my kids a safe and protective environment in her safe hands.

My in laws are my neighbors anyway. We planned to build the house near their house. So that both of us could be of help to each other.
Likewise, in laws visit us several times a day, spend quality times with kids and we too visit them quite often.
This way, my husband is also happy.
I am also happy, as I don't have to bend my rules and life for anyone.

When my brother got married, he insisted my mother to stay with him. But my mom did not like to spend her rest of life with DIL - who is almost unknown to her.
And I am sure my SIL (bro's wife) had the same idea too.
So, I discussed this with bro, and we all agreed that my mom would visit them often, stay with them when they are in need (SIL's child birth), and go on vacation to their place 5-6 times a year. But never stays with them forever.
This way, SIL was happy as she could invite her sister's family often to her place.
As a new bride, and then as a new mom she preferred her family to be with her. I could understand this clearly, as I too preferred the same.
Since my brother was born with 2 sisters, he could perfectly see his wife's POV.

Regardless of whoever takes care of the old parent, we ensure all the children are responsible for their parents. So, we financially, emotionally, physically help our parents as much as we can.