Please Help me---I feel like ending my life

Hi, I need some help with my life currently and have read some amazing advice from members here. Hopefully I can come over my situation with all your advice.

To start, I have been married for 10 years and have known my husband for 15 years. Ours was a love cum arranged marriage. We met in US while studying in a university. We were madly in love at that time and when my parents started looking for matches I told him. He came with his parents and brothers to talk to my parents. He is from a very big family with 3 sisters and 3 brothers and 12 grandchildren. He is the youngest of all. Initially my father was not happy (he saw all the problems that would arise), but later agreed as I told him how much I loved him. Marriage was conducted in 2010.

But problems started in my life since 1 day before marriage. When I called my to-be-husband the day before our marriage day, he said he really did not wanted to marry me and is being forced by his parents into this marriage. I was really shocked, I could not utter a word, I could not understand what to say as my parents were the one who came down for this marriage ( he is from a Backword caste and we are Brahmin's. I know that caste does not matter in todays world, but I come from a very orthodox family and my father ignored all our relatives only for my happiness). He said that I told his father something on phone (which I dont even rememberd) and so he is angry. I was totally helpless, I did not tell anything to my parents or anyone as my parents had gone against all our relatives advice against this marriage.

Soon after marriage, when I entered their house, the very firt day he asked in front of everyone that why I even entered the house and he never wanted this marriage in the first place ( another big shock, I was new in the house, knew no one except my husband, and this is what he asks in front of all his relatives). Still I did not say anything.

He called me a prostitute in front of his parents and sisters. When I told him to stop , he did not. When I asked him why he did that, he said it was ok as I am his wife. I said , in that case your sisters and mother should also be prostitutes .....for this he became very upset and stopped talking to me.

Things went really wrong since then. His sisters are very greedy, his parents dont care about us as long as they get their regular monthly $$$ that my husband sends them. One of my sister in-laws stays at his parents house (she was kicked out by her husnad who had married again). Anotehr sister in-law's husnad has died even before our marriage. My husnad had deposited 5 lakhs on each of her 3 kids when her husnad dies (total 15 lakhs). But, then he said that he took an oath that he will support her and her children (all grown up now) till to the end. So, she also takes$$$ from him every month. Apart frm this, his sisters and father shamelessly asked my for money when I went there. I sttrickly denied the same, again a big fight and I was beaten badly in front of my son.

We have 2 kids now. I had asked his many times why he never suppoirts me. I told him all that his parents and sisters have done to me. But, till today NOT EVEN ONCE he had stood up and supported me. All he has to say is they are now wrong and it is I who is actually the root cause of all the problems that arise.

He shares everything that goes in our life with his parents (who inturn share with all their family members). I feel like I am actually living with them even when I am in US. Once after a big fight when in my in-laws house, I stopped talking to him. After few days he came into the room at night and after pacifying me, said that he actually did not want to come but came because his mom told him to go my room. I was compleltely shattered, He comes to sleep with me only because his mom asked him to do so. I felt that I was dead right that moment. So, I mean nothing to him?

Ever since our marriage (and before that), he has been suppoirting financially his parents ans sister (with husbad dead) and her childre. He sends them $1000 every Month. She has lot of land and moreover my husband had deposited 15 lakhs, so she is pretty well off. She has her own house. But, still she regularly takes money from him. Her elder son had a girl frind when in school, had failed in education all his life, but still he was forced to take admission on a Payment seat by my husnad. He then failed in college also. He wanted to come to US, so again he approached a company that took lot of $$$ to apply for US Universities. He failed once, again they tried through the company and now that boy is in US. For all this my husnad had spent lot of $$$ for the company, his payment seat, etc. There is a gril to her sister whom when married I am pretty sure, again my husnad will take all the responsibility. So, now he takes care of his parents, his sister, his sisters kids in India and also the boy in US (who again is does not do anything).

I had told him many times to support only his parents and not his sister as she was well off and his other brotehrs should also support them. But, he said it was none of my business. How can it not be when I am his wife and we also have 2 kids whose future I have to worry about. If all his earnings goes in suporting them, then what about my kids future? And moreoever they are well off---why do they even need support. BUt, I have been beaten and mentally harraseed and told that I have no right in these matters.

I have 2 beautiful kids(young kids). I love them a lot. But after all this torture, I am so depressed. I am not able to connect to anyone (not even my kids) . I want to die and had tried couple of times, but each time I think of my kids and have stopped.

It has been 6 months since we did not talk. I asked him to call all his parents, sisters and brothers and all his relatives to talk about all this as I dont see any solution. He agreed to this. But even then, he said I will bring my family and you bring yours . For him the definition of family is his parents, sisters, etc. So, what am I? Am I nothing to him? Then why did he marry me?

Please help me. Should I call all of them and have a talk? Should I just give him a divorce? But, I am afraid to do this as my kids will be affected, with out father I dont know how their life will be. It is customary in their family to marry 2 times (many people in his family have married twice). He said that they asked him to marry again. I am completely at loss. What if they get him married when he goes on vacation? In spite of all this, I still love him (but hate him also for all that he did to me). There is nothing left in our married life now. We dont talk, dont live together (he works in a different state), dont support each other in anyway. I am very confused and depressed.

Not sure whom to talk to . I have a aged mother, with whom I can not discuss anythig. Please help me.

Thanks
Gita

 

Lakshmipav -- Sorry, I was married in 2005. But, have known him since 2000. Thanks for the reply. I am going to arrange for a meeting with everyone present , so that we can sort out this thing. We are already living separately, and this has not changed anything from his side.

Also, when my father was nearing his last moments of life, he asked me "how many more hours"? That has haunted me till today how a man can be so heartless and say such a thing.

Thanks again for taking time to reply.

 

@Keet-- Thank you for taking time to reply. I am not jealous of him getting married again, but I am definitely worried about my kids future without a father. I have done lot of research and found that kids get lot of physical and mental conditions due to divorced parents. That makes me feel guilty, but helpless.