1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Should i accept my husband's decision?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by zavybugis, Dec 1, 2015.

  1. zavybugis

    zavybugis New IL'ite

    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi everyone,

    Im relatively new here and a silent reader. A little background info abt me.

    I got married 11 months back. My husband moved to stay with me and my parents here in singapore. His family resides in india. Next month he is going to india for his work related stuff and at the same time visit his parents. The thing is he said i shouldnt go...atleast for this trip. my arguement..i should go and visit my in-laws. afterall its going to be 1 year by next month. The reason he states is that i dont have sufficient leave to splurge for a 15 day vacation. However,i did a rough count and i may be able to manage the leave issue. Then now he states monetary issue. with me going the expenditure will increase.

    My parents..actually my mom in particular has been insistent i go as well. I have told her its between husband and me and that we will decide. and she shouldnt interfere.

    But i dont know if i shld just accept his decision or insist i go with him. any views?
     
    Loading...

  2. twinklingstar

    twinklingstar Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    927
    Likes Received:
    692
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    i dont know but why i m getting sense that there is something fishy.
    why will any hubby feel her wife should not meet her In laws??
    was ur marraige a love marriage or arrange. how are your terms with them . do u have chat on phone on regular basis.
    i u talk to them then i think u have word with them nad give idea that he is coming to india and even u r planning to join him. see what they say.
    but i think the more he resist the more u should be confirm to go.
     
  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    7,663
    Likes Received:
    23,148
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    Look him in the eye and ask him what the real reason is.He needs to cut the crap and tell you the reason.

    Did you marry against his parents will?
     
  4. divshiri87

    divshiri87 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    604
    Likes Received:
    441
    Trophy Points:
    138
    Gender:
    Female
    Was yours love or arranged marriage? Is he resisting you not to go to india because of only monetary issues?? Do you often talk yo your in-laws? Can you give some more inputs to this if you are comfortable? So that we can tell our opinion.
     
  5. zavybugis

    zavybugis New IL'ite

    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    No ours was an arranged marriage. I speak to my in-laws occasionally. once in 2 weeks. n we are all on good terms. no problem whatsoever. my last conversation with them i told them he is going. they asked me "aur humari bitiya" (what abt my daughter?) i said i want to go but he is not bringing me. then my fil spoke to my husband n asked him why he isnt bringing me. he said becoz of her job n lack of leaves. i will bring her once everything at her job is settled.

    one thing abt my fil is that he doesnt interfere in matters concerning studies or job. so he said okay then next time u must bring her. but the thing is i do have leave...n i did bring this up to my fil that while i do not have too many leaves to come for (2-3 weeks) i can still manage to come for like (10 days). but my husband cut him off.

    later that day i had a mini arguement with my husband abt it. n in the end he said okay u wanna come, come then. but with a very unhappy face.like he was being forced to bring me.

    i just dont understand.
     
  6. crazywriter

    crazywriter Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,534
    Likes Received:
    1,033
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Maybe he wants to spend time with his parents. IMHO don't worry too much about it, it's probably nothing. He may be unable to express it properly. If he is not keen on you going, skip this trip and join him for the next one. Let him be.
     
  7. CoolPie

    CoolPie Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    227
    Likes Received:
    242
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    You can tell that you can go with him to India for just a week and be back first and then your husband can come and join you in a few more days. This is because you say you have less leave. Try to tell him this option and see.
     
  8. LotusAura

    LotusAura Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    381
    Likes Received:
    445
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    OP, may be it is a genuine plain and simple financial concern without any ulterior motive which your husband perhaps needs to express in a more sensitive manner keeping in mind your natural excitement as a (relatively) new bride expecting to meet her equally eager and loving parents-in-law.
    It is not uncommon for newly married couples starting out in life to plan their finances scrupulously. It's best to sort out such matters maturely and mutually before they snowball into bigger conflicts.
     
  9. zavybugis

    zavybugis New IL'ite

    Messages:
    7
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    thanks all for your advice. we have both spoken oabt it. n he told me his side of the justification. so i decided to not go this time n we will plan another trip next year together.
     

Share This Page