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Is baby a solution for broken marriage?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by frustratedwife, Nov 24, 2015.

  1. frustratedwife

    frustratedwife New IL'ite

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    I am married for 4 years. I was in US away from my husband for nearly 2 years. I came back from US 3 months back. I and my husband are facing hell lot of problems in our marriage. I also have lot of problems with my in laws. There is no love or trust or passion left in our marriage. But I don't want to give up on my marriage. Being from a middle class family, divorce is still a taboo in our family and I can't put my parents to go through that in their old age. And I also feel there is still a ray of hope to regain trust and love in marriage. My mother and relatives are suggesting me to have baby and problems would reduce automatically. But I am still hesitant. I am wondering whether baby is a solution for broken marriage or would that make marriage worse. Please need your valuable inputs on this.
     
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  2. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    It would be unfair to the child to be born in a bad marriage. Work first on resolving our issues or if that is not possible then divorce. Living far away from each other puts a high strain on the marriage and it will take a long time to heal that wound.
     
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  3. Keet

    Keet Silver IL'ite

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    Good question. People argue there is subtle reason for all the practices elders do or say. So many times I heard that elders say if couple have baby the marriage wont break. I am yet to meet a >60 year old saying otherwise. I don't know people who argue what would say about this one. Any way I think baby will not fix a broken marriage, but will give a reason to try their best not break the marriage.

    Haven't we read here "if it is not for the kids I would have left the spouse long time back" statement. But that is only a reason to stay in marriage. Marriage is not easy one to break even if there is a no kid involved.
     
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  4. Onesweetlife

    Onesweetlife Gold IL'ite

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    Baby would not fix a broken marriage , but would definitely be a reason to put up with the spouse, keeping in mind the parental care for the kid ( Subject to the nature of husband and wife involved).

    Since you were away from your spouse and returned recently,before going for kid,try to reconcile the differences. - JMO

    Cheers
    Sweetlife
     
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  5. bhagya85

    bhagya85 Silver IL'ite

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    child can only be a reason for retaining marriage commitment it'll not resolve the current issues.but a kid will make you adjust and accept the behavior or attitude of each other. A kid will help a couple think lot more than your problems. They keep us engaged and reduces the time for the couple to fight and argue. Kid will remain a reason for you to reunite after along argument.

    But all these varies on reasons for misunderstanding or argument between you.If your problems are simple and you have confident that you can resolve it,a kid can aid in the process.

    According to my experience YES a kid will bring a change among you,but not sure whether it can heal upto the level of a broken marriage.
     
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  6. vani098

    vani098 IL Hall of Fame

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    Baby may change u'r in laws n u'r husband.
    u should also change them a bit. talk to them. do u remember what gandhiji told if any one beats u show he other side and not only that he said AN eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.
     
  7. frustratedwife

    frustratedwife New IL'ite

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    Thank you my dear ladies :) My husband is very much attached to his parents. That is what is making my marriage worse. So, I have a feeling that baby would make him more serious about his family (wife and kid) and I hope it would reduce his attachment and emotional dependency on his parents.
     
  8. kcb

    kcb IL Hall of Fame

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    Being two adult matured people if someone can not fix their marriage problems, then how can a baby fix the issues? It will be only for a short period of time as you both will be busy in handling the baby, so you are diverted from your other issues, but diversion doesn't mean that problems are solved. May be after some the same old problems may come back with extra force. Then you will have another issue to think about your baby's future.

    So it's always better to solve your marital problems and rebuild the relation with your husband and then plan for the baby, otherwise it will be unfair to the baby by knowingly bringing that innocent soul into this world.
     
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  9. kcb

    kcb IL Hall of Fame

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    Also, If a baby is a solution for a broken marriage, then why so many couples with kids are getting divorced??? There are lot of single parents in todays world, that means they were not able to solve their marital problems even after having kids. Atleast in your case you have a choice now to have a baby or not...so think wisely and take a decision based on your situations and family issues.
     
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  10. songbird46

    songbird46 Gold IL'ite

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    No.
    Work on your issues first. Be husband and wife again, and friends, then you will be great parents.
     
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