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how to maintain peace of mind

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by milaani, Oct 10, 2015.

  1. milaani

    milaani New IL'ite

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    Hi ladies

    Iam new to this forum but silent reader from long time. Iam married from 3 years.Everything was going fine in intial 7 months.after that my dh change the job and goes abroad after 3 month visa proccessing .but i was with my inlaws for 4 months after dh till the time my visa was under process.that time was really tuff for me to live with inlaws when dh was not there.but soon i come to know that husband want to leave job beacuse he feel work pressure more than india and technology used in company was not updated. i told him in polite manner that what he will do when he come india. so pls continue the job till u find better option but he did not agree and left the job.so he came back to home and i keep silent.my inlaw behave good with me ahead of my dh but at his back they said very hurting comments to me.they show they are very good parent but at his back they show their real face and comments me very badly.mil and fil make unity to plan a fight with me.they fight many times.they often try to took advantage of my fight with dh.After quiting job my dh start preparing for govt job exam to get better job.but time for me was very difficult to live with inlaws.dh applied for many jobs but did not get any.after some time i get to know that dh failed in exam and did not get job in his own field also because recession came.so it was a big night mare.dh got irritated by nature and fight on small issues. one day my my patience break when he fight with me ahead of my inlaws on just breaking crockery plates which was broken by mistake.lately he talk to me by himself and conffess.i forgave him.he often say what he will do in his life..what he do(beacuase he is not getting job)...bla bla...depressing worlds to me.iam very disturbed.how to get my peace of mind. on ther hand my inlaws never miss a single chance to tond me.how to handle.pls help.
     
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  2. dia3

    dia3 Silver IL'ite

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    What a loser your husband is..him having no job, in-laws tormenting you...what is the point of this marriage.....u deserve better .
     
  3. milaani

    milaani New IL'ite

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    No dia3 its not like that.....Dh is ok.. .thats why inlaws behave very good with me ahead of Dh but when dh is not arround they directly or indirectly try to express what they expect from me.i feel inlaws are very demanding that is the main problem.actually mil and fil are very much clever.when they are ahead of their son nobody can say what their actual face is. but i know them very well.I need special skills to deal with them.
     
  4. beingloved

    beingloved Gold IL'ite

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    What about building your own careers before dealing with ILs problem at this moment? You've more important issues in your life rather than bothering about IL taunts!

    Focus on getting the job first and if possible, be financially independent yourself. That will solve atleast half of your issues
     
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  5. Rise

    Rise Platinum IL'ite

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    You try to find a job for urself...
     
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  6. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    He apologized, I think he is basically a nice person. frustration because of the job factor may have caused him to snap at you for breaking a plate. Not a valid excuse, but understandable. He is upset and having a low morale. If you allow yourself to be bothered by petty behaviour of your inlaws, this problem is going to get worse. take it upon yourself to bring your and your husband's morale up. Support him, encourage him and make him see that the situation right now is not the end of the world and with hard work and faith, things can still turn around. Ignore inlaws. practice detachment. Focus on what maters really in your life. That is you, your husband and your marriage (kids if any). Try to get a job. Study to improve your skills. Seeing you upbeat, your husband will be inspired, will get his act together. I have noticed this in my life. If I am listless and upset and lazy, my DH is too. the moment I get my act together, he jumps in. It is human nature. Bring a change in yourself. You will see chnages happening outside. Good Luck
     
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  7. milaani

    milaani New IL'ite

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    yes @soulful...u r right....iam supporting him...as well as looking for a job right now.
     
  8. milaani

    milaani New IL'ite

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    yes @beingloved...iam searching job now...i have done masters and have some work experience too....i have approximately 3 years career break....but problem is that most probably i will have job outside my inlaw city.as this is a small city...dont have much opportunities in this city and my pay scale will be very low.but if i switch to another city then i dont know how my inlaws react to this. dh is working hard to clear entrance exam of govt jobs. iam not able to understand where i look for job in my inlaw city or outside inlaw city. A thought of inlaws is eating my mind.
     
  9. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, You have good education and some work experience. You should put that into good use. May be because of the break, pay scale may be low, but it is a start. Something is better than nothing, right? Your inlaws may have issues with you moving to another city, but the good news you have a reasonable and rational husband. Talk to him, take him into confidence and make him see how you getting a job will help you both and how important it is at least until he gets something. He can move with you and study there, so no one can object you going away alone. Get HIM to convince HIS parents. Do not let your inlaws, come in the way of what is right for you
     
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