Lets discuss changes after marriage

nice thread.

Before marriage: I was happy go lucky, careless, spoke and did what I wanted or felt was correct openly. Expressed my emotions openly. People around me, my family were the same. Very WYSIWYG

After marriage: I can not speak openly, have to hide my emotions and suck it up and smile for sake of appearances, learnt the hard way that I must not accept what ppl ( IL family or their friends ) say to me at face value - there is always a hidden meaning, or another angle or a taunt in there which I would not understand- so much politics yuck!

 

All that I can say is both are two EXTREMES for me... Completely opposite before and after...:spin

 

I guess, this is true in every social context, not necessarily marriage. Probably its during childhood we didn't have any ulterior intentions, just speak out our mind.

Its a bad practice to think too much about what other's have in their mind. They may have some junk, and say something else. You do what you feel right, from your perspective. This approach gave me better leverage over myself and brought more peace and happiness as I am in sync with what I can do and not going over the karma other people try to impose on me.

 

Oh I agree! That is what I prefer to do as I cant change myself fundamentally so much.

Couple eg to explain what I meant earlier:

1. I cant simply state the truth for eg., I have to go out on some personal work. It has to be phrased in some roundabout way or openly lie as to reason. This practice was pioneered my co sisters who routinely pose as some maha sati savitris who are always thinking and working about 'home' unlike 'selfish me'.
2. Daughter of house/son of house can criticize and joke and make fun of anything/anybody -- no problem it's a big joke, so funny, haha! But woe betide me if I so much as agree. All will develop collective amnesia and gang up on me that how dare I say that/how could I/no sanskars yada yada.

There's more but will desist. Am getting angry just to remember the instances

So what I do with them is --i zip the lip and grit my teeth and studiously ignore them all. Cannot go down to their level.

 

Sounds like a more fundamental problem.

- I didn't get this point. You can always say the fact, if they probe, just allude to it and leave it there. They don't have to know everything about you.

-- Why do you want other's approval at the expense of your inner self a.k.a nature ?
First of all, stop being victimized. Women have been victimized all the time. Be yourself, get what you want. Its called being a "woman". Treat respectfully regardless of however much pent up negative emotions about somebody are lurking within you. I know this is hard. I learnt to be neutral in this matter.

-- "Barking dogs seldom bite", remember? Well, you see, you expect them to act in some way i.e. be in a diplomatic equilibrium. When you are "strong" in your thoughts, no body can influence you, right? So, you stick to your beliefs and be yourself.

Ignoring is the first step of the game, but still you are indignant, which is ok, just leave them to themselves. Don't care ..

 

In my lyf also i can diff before and after marriage.. that much changes happen.... Before marriage: i dont lik cooking, i used to go out all the tym, talkin wit frnds,i didnt do anywork in my home, i always sit and watch tv in festivals time also..
After marriage: i used to cook well and also inventin new dishes, now a days i didnt talk wit my frnds as lik before, i used to do all work without any face reaction, now a days i forget to watch tv during festivals tym also.. so much of sacrificingand adjustments, etc.,.

 

You are correct about that.

Actually you did not get either of the points but I didn't post here for help or advice but to reply to OP's question. I appreciate your wish to help me and prefer to let this end here. I dont want to hijack OP's thread.