Can' bear anymore.Fed up with life!!

Feeling very sorry for you dear after reading your post. I know how getting married at that young age and getting stuck in a loveless life can be very cruel.
I am not sure if you can do anything about your husband because its not very easy to change a person, especially an alcoholic.
But one thing which you can do is change your attitude towards the entire situation. You can ignore him as much as possible(not that its going to be any easy) and focus on other things in your life. Engage yourself in other activities outside home which you like to do. Its a blessing that you are employed in IT and you have several chances of interaction with outside world.
Sometimes for the sake of kids' future parents do have to make sacrifice. Think it that way. Be a role model for your kids. Nothing in life can give us more happiness than kids.
But you definitely don't have to compromise on relationship with your parents. Seeing their grandchildren is their right and your right too. Don't listen to him on that aspect. Let him fight, shout or whatever. He will eventually stop if you protest.
Cheer up and enjoy.. Don't lose your precious life for such a loser.

 

OP,

For the points #1 and #2, I am against you. You should not think about his salary and his beauty now.... You have spent 10 years with him, so you cannot say that now...

For the remaining points,I am with you....

For point #3, Tell him kids will get affected if he drinks. He will set a bad example for the kids, none of the father will do it... tell him that... U cannot stop it immediately. Reduce the frequency from once in a week to once in two weeks...Be strict on that.... Or else take him to counseling.

For point #4, most of the men do this... fall sick one day. dont cook. then he wil l realize... u both are working... so he should help you..if not, think what work he can do to you and assign it... for example, he has to wash his clothes, iron it... he has to pack food for him... Ask him to help kids in studies, he is a lecturer and comes home early I guess... if he takes care of these, u can peacefully work in kitchen.

Point #5, there should be an emotional bonding always between hus and wife.... u create it... talk more with him, by holding hands.... share necessary issues with him which will help u in having a conversation....tell him indirectly, u face so many issues in work and way to work.... he should realize that a working woman does a herculian task..... if u say directly that u struggle, u may not get noticed.... eventually, he will care and the rest will fall in place.... and initiate --x once in a while... make him long for that....

Point #6, start taking him out in the weekend.... dont call for movie or a shopping initially....ask him to come for a walk....first u both go, next take kids..... next to shopping.... if u desperately want to go to good movies, ask him to accompany you else ask him to drop you at theatre and come back(he wont do that, men are so cautious at this, so he will accompany you....)...

try this op..dont worry.... we need to be tactic also at times....

 

From what ever you have the main problem I can reckon is the alcohol issue. I really don't understand much of the other problems as being too great to make you think about divorce.
Talk to GP, go for rehab for alcoholism for your dh.

 

Dear Ladies,

Dont know how to start or where to start from.Please bear with my long post.My life is such a failure I would rather say. Life is just full of comprises. My life is not at all as I expected. My expectations are not too much or beyond the limits.Just a fair and a comfortable life. But not even in a single day of my married life is as I expected.

Married for 10 years with 2 kids..Its an arranged marriage. Married at the age of 22 where I didnt understand what is life is all about. I am the only kid and I was a queen of my house. I got married to my distant relatives who has lot of degrees without knowing his real face. Or rather I would say my parents blindly got me married to this guy as he is my distant relative even though he was earning only 15k at that time and i had dhosham in my horoscope and they were in a hurry in getting me married.Anyways past is past.



Coming to the present, I have lost all the love (dont know if i could call it as love) and interest toward him. I hate to see his face also. These are the drawbacks I find in him.

1) He is a professor in college earning less than me, actually I am from IT and I wanted a guy from IT but my parents asked if he could shift into IT and he agreed. But didn't change.

Money cannot bring in happiness. He has a more secured and easy professional life, compared to IT. He is happy with his profession. You have no right to change it.

2) We have 6 years of age difference. We are totally not in sync. He is such old fashioned guy. His looks also old fashioned. he has such a big belly whicha makes him look more old. I am fed up of telling him to take care of his health.

4-6 years difference is ideal for couples. If the spouse is from same age group, he could be less matured.
On the other hand, It is not the age but the common interests and tastes play key role for the bonding between two persons.

3) HE IS VERY ALCHOLIC. Dont know what to do with him. I have fought many times on this,pleaded, cried and what not, many times left the home with kids also.For some days he will be fine but after some days back to square one. I told my parents before itself and we had a big fight on this from parents both sides and my parents are not coming home and they doesnt talk to my in laws.
My in laws cannot so anything, they dont have the hold on him as they are retired and NO PROPERTIES and fully dependent on husband.

This is a serious issue. It can destroy your money, assets and life. Do not allow him
to drink at home in front of the kids. You should not let him to bring alcohol to your home.

It could be helpful, If you can take him to Punarjani,

Punarjani-Charitable Trust for De Addiction in Thrissur,Charitable Trust for Rehabilitation in Thrissur,De addiction and Rehabilitation for Alcoholics Kerala,Rehabilitation for Alcoholics in Thrissur

It is not a typical de-addiction center where the ''patient'' has to go through medication and other treatments. They adapt more psychological approach. There is no preaching either. Dr Johns K Mangalam was an Alcoholic.

4) I work in shifts and night shift too that too with 2 kids working in night shifts is very tough for me. Eventhough I work hard, I dont get any attention from my husband. I mean he doesnt care me or atleast pamper me or hug me. After coming from office also I have household work and to look after kids. My mil takes care of my kids when I am in office

He is in his own world. Do not expect anything. Instead, you may search for the
happiness from spirituality. At the end, that is the only happiness which is immortal.
Practicing Rajayoga is helpful.

5) He is not interested in sex. It has been years that we were together. He says I am fat and lost my beauty( as he is chic and young). He doesnt even kiss me. I dont get any love and affection from him as I badly need of it. He is just like another person in our family. I dont find any qualities of husband in him.

Such problems in life, DH's attitude, Lack of affection and hectic work schedule might have forced you to ignore your health. You need a complete make over. Do regular work out, Weight control and be good looking. It is not to please / attract your DH. But to regain your confidence and to develop a positive attitude towards life. Do not search outside for happiness. It comes from within.


6) I like to go for movies ( as I need a change from hectic life), not all the movies but a choosy one. But for that also he never takes me. Instead he is fine in boozing at home. Mostly weekend goes like this.

Ignore him. You may go for movies with your children. If you have friends go as a group too. A weekend outing may be good for children too.


I dont know how to move on with my life. I am very worried about my kids future with a guy like this. Cant go for a divorce thinking of my kids future. I can go to my parents place but he is not allowing to take my kids with me. He creates a big scene if I take my kids there. He says that my parents are not allowed to see or touch my kids. I cant be in my parents place without my kids.I really wonder how a man like this exists in this world.

Feeling like quitting my life.

You should have control on your life. It should not be attached to another person.
There are many IL's facing similar issues. You are not alone. Quitting does not resolve any problem. Instead, you fight against the odds and reach your destiny.

 

Why do you ask permission from him to take your kids to your parents home?

Leave the house if possible, but make sure you inform him after you are far enough that he can't catch you, lest he go mad.

A lot of advice could be passive, but since you are the main person here, take action accordingly. First I would suggest, leave your current state of life for a while and plan what to do, then you may take action.