urgent help needed

Sapna23 · Aug 29, 2015

hi dear fiends

i had written my problems earlier. Please sort this out and help me.my hysband got very angry that my son who is starting highschool didnt get into honors. He was the top of his class till he grauated elementary. he is a gifted stuent.middle school alsoe he was in honors math both years. but he was scoring a or b+. his counsellor said he is too late to make any changes this year. maybe if somebody dropped of after the first test ,he can get into honors He was already sad and depressed when he walked home from school. i know my son he is a very genuine and honest boy everybody who knows him admire. sometimes he is lazy though.
Now, what happened is my usband came home and asked di he get into honors. my son said no . he was chatting with his friend, that too a 10th grader how to eet later into ap clases and all. my husband just puled out thpower cable and everything. and told him you neeed to study after coming from school and was looking at him. then my son asked why are you staring at me. which in my opinion he shouldnt have. but my husband got mad and hit him with power cable and was yelling and shouting. telling i will take you to india and will beat you to death. my son was crying and yelling too. i cannot take this. why are you doing this and all. then my husband stopped. i was in between them. he beat him with his hands which was very hard,because i got it. then after sometime my husband went to my sons room started pulling him out of bed. saying i want you to study now. he wstill trying to hold on to bed. my husband was shouting and yelling what not. my daughter started crying. he went and shouted at her too to sit and study. then my son told him i dont care anymore. what is the point. you are a phsycopath. my husband lost it totally and beat him like anything . my son sying he saw flssh of light in his eyes. my dsughter aaying he hold her neck with his hands(husband). which my husand is not admitting. when she cried later on. he is saying my daughtee lying. . i was in beetween. i told him later youare a fther even if kids make mistakes they have to learn from us. this kind of discipling will make thenm go otherwya. he is not at all listening. called my son all names.
my son is tellling i have to do something or he is going to loose it all together. he will go away. he cannot take it any more. my daughter is angryy at me saying i am not helping them. theri childhoood is ruined because i amnot taking them away fromtheir dad.

if i go i have enough money to rent a homw and give them education and foos till they finish their studies. but defenitely they will lose all the luxuries and advaantages in education they get here. i was holding on so they will have a bright future. but.... my sibings only knows my husband as a great man who has some issues. so they wont understand. my parents wil. or i could live withmy parents . dont know what to do. feeling crazy and having chest pain too.

sorry for being so long.
love

vaidehi71 · Aug 29, 2015

OMG. I have no words to say at all. fully stunned by what has happened to your kids. Why didn't you stop hitting ur son. He has done to the best of his ability. Your dh is person to be condoned. what a person, really disgusting. Try to protect your kids. I think you are in US where it is illegal to hit kids. The kids have every right to seek legal help and can call 911 for such abuse. He is not an primary school for God's sake. I feel for u, other ILs might give you some better advice. Take care of your kids and yourself.

MalStrom · Aug 29, 2015

What are you waiting for?????
Call 911, get your kids and get out of the house ASAP. Chances are this is not the first instance of abusive behavior.
At the very minimum your son needs to see a doctor. Don't compromise on the safety of your children.

Socialbee · Aug 29, 2015

I think u as a mother should take some action as early as possible. You have to make it very clear to your husband that its not ok to raise hands on kids at any cost. If u let this go and next time if this happens and your son calls 911, then u and your husband both will be at fault. Take care of your family.

Luckystar · Aug 29, 2015

I am sorry to hear you have been through this. I know this is not what you are asking but here is a link to a study system developed by the world memory champion.
https://mesalitam.files.wordpress.com/2012/08/o-brien-how-to-develop-perfect-memory.pdf

You have been given good advice above.

KashmirFlower · Aug 29, 2015

Feel so sorry for the kids, when they r asking u for help, (by taking them away from ur H), u should do it. Otherwise u will loose ur children , they start resenting u as u did not help them when needed.

Even if teacher sees ur sons beating marks on his body she will report and u and ur H both has to face serious charges. Ur H has some other issue like anxiety it looks like, which he is showing on kids. Why is he getting that much anger?

Laks09 · Aug 29, 2015

Sapna - if your son goes and tells his counsellor in school you are both going to be in trouble. I think he has been patient this far and hasn't called the cops on you. Be grateful for that. I am sure my daughter wouldn't even hesitate for a second if she was in that situation to call 911 on us. Your children will miss the luxury if you get them out but they will thank you for it later. This environment isn't good for both kids. Honors isn't the end of the world. But being abused can scar them for life. You have to get in touch with a lawyer and get your kids out of there before it is too late.

We shouldn't be pushing kids for academic excellence alone. They need to become well rounded individuals. Even if he gets into honors next year and doesn't get in right at the 9th grade level it's ok. He is probably already feeling pressured by thinking he is a failure. You as a mother should ALWAYS show him his positives because he is only seeing the fact that he isn't in honors. Children always take to heart what we tell them. If you keep telling your son he is a success only if he is in honors class, that's all he is hearing. Tell him how good an artist or sports man or whatever else he is. That's what he needs to hear. Your husband has it all wrong. These grades may help in the short term, but his small mis steps and how you handle it is what will help him life long.

The story of the Aussie commandos is a fav with my dh. He keeps telling that to my dd every time she says someone picked on her because she didnt get a prize or a mark or a certain GPA. The particular Aussie force, looks at people it hires. If you haven't had a failure in your career thus far, you are automatically disqualified. Why? Because failures are the stepping stones to success. We have to keep telling the kids that it's ok to not get something at the first go but like King Bruce learned from the spider to keep trying. Maybe he isn't in honors math but in due course he will find his true passion and excel in it. Maybe it is chemistry or oceanology or something else. This is the land of opportunity. Why restrict them and their ambitions to an honors math class? You as the mom can make this happen for your son and daughter. You keep telling them the right thing and get them out with legal help if that's what is better for them.

pear · Aug 30, 2015

Be the adult in the given circumstances and make sure your kids not broken because of your strong headed h.Please dont ignore the kids pleading voice ...........they are in a position to discuss thier future with you..........if they take any bad decision in haste you would regret for life.

If you remember i raised this point of bossing the teen kids in your previous thread itself and the impact of his attitude that they need to wear clothes selected by him only.I was surprised teens still allow thier father to make the choices and not objecting it.You had avoided answering that question. Do you still think your h would change ?..........seriously take action before he breaks your kids spirit beyond repair and leave them as bitter .

Unless you have the guts to shield the kids from physical violence,its inhuman to be a spectator to the kids pain.Your daughter rightly pointed out that you are not helping them by making a preference for luxury to a peaceful home .

Beating a teen son black and blue .............threatening to kill him is not to be ignored......extreme.control freak parents like your h are known to finish off thier kids than allow them to lead a life of thier own choice. Added to the incident he held the neck of your crying daughter ............neck is a very weak place .......doesnt need much pressure to kill a person.Control freaks hate thier control to be questioned and would go to any extent to bring the victims back to thier control.What surprises me is your total reaction to the situation.........money is not everything ......your daughters cry for a free life is still not reaching your senses?.

Prayers to the 2 innocent lives caught bet the control freak parent and the coward one.Please lord be with them ,give strenght and protect the kids .I move away from this thread with a heavy heart.

yellowmango · Aug 30, 2015

Op..your daughter said it.....you are an accomplice to this abuse if you just let it happen.You are the adult parent and it is your duty to protect the children.
Have you threatened to call the police on him?
Have you ever gone to any authority figure?

It s time you think of safety before comfort.
. Wake up OP.Let people know.

Srama · Aug 30, 2015

Sapna23 said: ↑

if i go i have enough money to rent a homw and give them education and foos till they finish their studies. but defenitely they will lose all the luxuries and advaantages in education they get here. i was holding on so they will have a bright future.
Click to expand...

That is enough for now. With a warmer environment, they can earn all the luxuries by themselves. In the environment you describe, the luxuries and the advantages unfortunately do not matter.

Sapna23 said: ↑

but.... my sibings only knows my husband as a great man who has some issues. so they wont understand. my parents wil. or i could live withmy parents . dont know what to do. feeling crazy and having chest pain too.

sorry for being so long.
love
Click to expand...

No need for any one to understand your situation. What you need now more is self confidence and a will to provide for your children. If your parents can support you, please please take their help.

Best wishes OP.

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