How to live with a husband I despise

Luckystar · Aug 28, 2015

I was so happy when we got married as I thought I had married my best friend. After four years of marriage he had a mental breakdown and stayed in psychiatric hospital for some months. That was over a year ago. I don't hate him for that.

He confessed that the stress of a double life had led to his breakdown. He was using the family money to regularly visit prostitutes and had been addicted to prostitutes since he was a teenager . I am disgusted by him.

Even more I have started to realise he is a liar about so many big and small things.

He is also a coward and is very lazy.

His parents and sister are also awful people who are very selfish.

I have thought about whether to stay or go and for many reasons choose to stay. My daughter is attached to him and thinks he is a good father.

I also want another child and may not find anyone else if I leave.

How do I live like this without going mad. He knows I hate him.

yellowmango · Aug 28, 2015

Leave him.
Why have another child with someone like him? Please spare the poor child.
Your daughter thinks he is a good dad? All daughters think that when they are young.

Do you have a job?

SGBV · Aug 28, 2015

You hate him, then what is that big reason which bond you together in this marriage?

Your older child loves him without knowing his problems. She would soon hate him once she learns who he is.

Do you really want another child into this uncertain picture of your life?

You seem to be loving the thing called "being married" than the person whom you are married to.

Decide whether you can really forgive him? See whether he is really apologetic and ready to change?
See whether you can deal with his psychological and other issues (lies) and also see whether there are hopes for a betterment.
Also consider your elder child's affection and your future life.

You may start with a temporary separation for now

vaidehi71 · Aug 28, 2015

The psychiatric problem could be treated. The worrying part is his addiction which would lead to lots of physical illness which is transmittable. Please do not bring another child into this scenario. Talk to psychiatrist and take dh to psychological counselling. If you are unable to forgive and forget, better to leave him for the sake of your kid and urself. Think over it.

Luckystar · Aug 28, 2015

I have a job, but it would not be easy to support myself. DH is receiving counselling for both the mental health and psychological problems.

I have been married before but he used to beat me and I eventually left before he killed me. It would be impossible to have a third marriage and I do not want to spend my life alone which is why I stay.

vaidehi71 · Aug 28, 2015

To stay together you need to love and affection to towards the partner. I am unable to understand the reason to stay with a person u are saying u despise. You need to discuss with you dh about all these before you come to a decision

catwalk · Aug 28, 2015

Was this his ''second marriage'' as well? This is one perfect example all divorcees / widows must note. Since you had married once, do not see it as a drawback and accept a characterless person with mental disorders. By compromising, you invite more problems and drag your life into a much complicated situation like this.

OP, There is no rule written anywhere that you can't marry third time. Mental sickness is not a sin. But it is not advisable to continue in an abusive relationship
where there is no security for you. Forget about second child.

gauridinesh · Aug 28, 2015

Hugs to you.. I understand that you are afraid of living alone. But do you think living alone is worse than living with a person whom you hate? If you dont love him, arent you alone already?

First - I am pretty sure you have weighed all your options. I also am sure you have tried your best to salvage this marriage. If nothing has worked out, then the best option is to leave . Once you are "alone", you will understand what it means you actually live for yourself. Your daughter will thank you for taking her out of that toxic environment. If you dont want to do a divorce immediately, go for a trial separation. Move out. See how it is to live alone.
Try to get a better job , concentrate on your child's healthy growth. You should also take care of yourself, go for counselling and take care of yourself too.

vaishalichati · Aug 28, 2015

Leave him, he is not worth a devoted wife like you. Solutions will come once you leave him and lead a better life.Take someone in confidence from your famiy and tell them all, may be they will help you and support you. Being married happily is a state of mind. Am sure you will find happiness again once you are alone. Your daughter will hate him once the truth is out when she is an adult. Dont create more babies with the wrong person, life will be a mess for you and all around you.

Ragini25 · Aug 28, 2015

- Leave him if you think thats better
- Stay with him if you think thats more tolerable
- Stay with him, and hate him - if you think thats the compromise

Do Whatever - but DONT pop out another baby into a messy situation - thats not fair to the baby! please, thanks.