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Husband Avoiding Me in Public

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by SadMarried, Aug 5, 2015.

  1. SadMarried

    SadMarried Silver IL'ite

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    My Husband never is romantic type. So i don't expect any romance, love or care from him anymore.

    We rarely get chance to go out as couple these days because of full time job , 15 months old baby and also may be no willingness to go out because of problems between us in past couple of years.But We go out on weekends as family on friends get together or taking MIL out to visit different places around.

    We haven't gone to watch movie to cinema for very long. After so much hype about recent salman khan's movie , i wanted to watch it. I planned to send MIL with other Friends parents last week and they went. This way i wouldn't be made to feel guilty to go watch movie leaving baby at home with MIL. We went yesterday, 2 couple friends also joined us. Those friends sat as couple side by side, but my hubby choose to sit in far corner leaving me to sit another far corner. He was chatting , laughing with friends all throughout movie , but didn't even look at me once. Once the movie was over , i couldn't come out same time as other as i got stuck in queue, so i was far behind. He went ahead with friends asking girls how was the movie , did they like it , about favorite scenes etc , but didn't bother to check where i was. Later i ran to join them , even after that he didn't even look at me. All that time he treated me as stranger. He normally does this to me when we are out with friends or others. HE always chats to friends and their wives , jokes , smiles , asks questions , specially gals. Other friends boys they talk to their wives , asks them what they want to eat , how they are etc, but only i'm like non-existent to my hubby. I feel jealous of other Friends.

    but Why a man who can be so nice , chatty , smiley to other gals treat his wife like stranger or non-existent. When he used to treat me bad, i used to think he doesn't know how to respect/treat women. But that's obviously not the case as he is so nice with others women. TBH he is extra nice to others gals and boys too.even if jokingly if i mention anything against him to my friends , they do not believe it. They say my hubby never gets angry , he is so polite, so caring etc. But to me he is all the opposite. After coming home from movie , i know i shouldn't have started that topic , but i couldn't stop myself and asked why didn't you even look at me once all that time , you didn't bother checking where i was even i was so far behind, but you were so happy chatting to others, then he started shouting i have problems etc..i knew he would say something worse and create drama , so i cut that topic and went to bed.

    This morning we were talking about his recent job interview , so i asked if you would get your own cabin if you get the job , he didn't like that , so started being rude , why would you think i get cabin , i don't know what you think , you are so and so...i thought that wasn't a question to get angry about, but he was. So i feel there is no respect from him to me as he treats me like no-one.

    Am i unreasonable feeling bad about his behavior ?
     
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  2. Shina

    Shina Gold IL'ite

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    Hey Op i dont think you are being unreasonable. He should not have ignored you to this limit. And lets say even if he did so without realising it then he should have had a nice calm discussion about your concern when you brought it up. He should not have shouted at you for it.

    He is carrying grudges towards you as evident from your other threads and is not a loving husband. I would say reduce your expectations from him.

    If he does not want your company consider it his loss and make him realise that. In that movie outing you should have enjoyed other friends' company and had a great time. Also, you should have taken your time and walked confidently to join them when they left you behind instead of running to make the distance. Show yourself respect and others will follow suit. All the best op.
     
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  3. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    Not sure abt past threads of yours, but there is some grudge, some previous bad blood, some grudge he is carrying against you. Thats why he is cold towards you and not to others. Something about what you said or did in past, or your independent personality or maybe he felt you were controlling or dominant or I dont know what - something has pissed him and turned him off.
     
  4. SadMarried

    SadMarried Silver IL'ite

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    Showing such behavior because of carrying grudges when you go out to watch movie with friends is unreasonable, i think. We both are not happy about things in past.But it's been OK between us for past 2 months(otherwise i wouldn't have gone out with him even y'day) mainly me lowering my expectation out of him and not caring much about what he says or does. But yesterday seeing those caring Friends's husband to their wives , i expected some of it from him too.
     
  5. SadMarried

    SadMarried Silver IL'ite

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    he talks to me himself about his job interview , what happened etc..but for some reason if he doesnt like something i say he just explodes to me , me without even knowing why he is angry for ? when i asked about cabin , he thought im expecting very high salary for that job . I didn't think only very high salaried ppl get cabin. I think its his insecurity but shouting at me to hide insecurity is treating me like no-one i think . I have decided not to ask him anymore question abt his follow up interview or even show any interest if he comes telling me.
     
  6. swt.charu

    swt.charu Platinum IL'ite

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    @Ragini .. shouldn't he be mature and responsible enough to talk about that something with his wife and sort out the matter? carrying on like this is not good for both.

    @OP .. why don't you give your husband a taste of his own medicine?? You avoid him in public. be chatty with others and completely ignore him. If those others are husbands of the ladies with whom your husband chats.. its even better. make sure you act as if nothing happend when you get back home. continue to be sweet and cheerful.
     
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  7. SadMarried

    SadMarried Silver IL'ite

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    I should be the one carrying grudges the way he has treated me in past, but i let things go. I dont know what it is for him , but he thinks he has to be super nice to other gals around , but he doesn't think he needs to be little considerate to his wife too.
     
  8. Shina

    Shina Gold IL'ite

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    Its natural dear what you felt especially seeing how others are but i just mean do not expect so that your disappointment gets reduced. Things seem to be a bit better for the last two months according to you so i would say take it slowly and try to build on it by ignoring things and such hiccups,for some time. Once relationship gets stronger, automatically he will start behaving well i feel.
     
  9. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    There has been so much ego clashes between you and your husband in the past. You being the high income earner may be a bigger ego flop for him. To add fuel to the fire, his mother could offer some marital counseling as to how to disrespect wife, so that she won't feel superior about her job.

    Now, it is really really important to treat the issue, at the same time applying ignorance at the most if you really want this life to be straightened.

    Your husband is hurt for some reason. He is carrying the grudges, and unable to treat you as equally as a wife, specially before others. Because he is made to believe that he will be called "henpecked" if he treats his "superior" wife with care and respect.

    In fact, many other Indian husbands are also made to feel the same by their parents, and society. But they often do not take it to heart as they know they are the dominant partner anyway.
    When a husband earns far more than his wife, chances are low that the society to view him as henpecked, slave husband.
    But if his salary is lower than his wife, anyway he will be suffering this ego issue; hence such lose social talks could seriously affect him.

    Having a MIL living with you could add more fuel to the fire.

    Having said this.... Be nice with your husband specially when you go out with others.
    If he sits in another corner, don't lose hope. Go and sit near him. If someone else is sitting next to him, then politely ask them to switch the seats. Tell them you are his wife, and you would like to sit next to him.

    What if he doesn't ask you about the movie or your snacks? You ask him the same?
    Ask the question before others, so that he is compelled to answer. Join his conversation with others and always talk to him directly.

    He is applying some cheap foolish method to keep you off as a punishment to your superiority at home. I mean your high end career than his.
    Don't let him win. I mean if you feel down or show him that you are unhappy, he feels satisfied. Instead, pretend as if nothing happened, nothing bothered you. Enjoy the movie the next time, but together with him.

    Some men, specially like yours would want some social approval about their masculinity. If you give him a chance to prove it in a positive way, they will take the same happiness to your life.

    Ask his approval for simple things like, "dear, shall I buy this? Shall I leave early etc..etc... when he is with others. You asking his permission would boost his ego.

    He seem to be having a very fragile EGO. So, be always careful when you speak and behave with him while others are around.

    Other than that, simply ignore his behavior.
     
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  10. Shina

    Shina Gold IL'ite

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    I think this could very well be the reason. He is a very insecure person with a fragile ego. Its hard to deal with such people. I think when he burst out like this you do not take it to heart and let it upset you . Develop a thick skin.

    And next time when he does come to speak to you about the follow up interview do not be rude and show disinterest only because you want to build on your relationship that is some what on the mend since last two months. Just be polite enough without asking too much.
     

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