New relation post retirement

kiran82 · Jul 27, 2015

My friend's husband retired recently. Ever since then he has been receiving frequent calls from his office and he would say that they need some clarifications. This continued with messages in watsapp even at midnight. My friend secretly read the messages and felt very bad. Her DH is a very loving and social person and treats everyone very well. The girl is a married youngster whom he would always say is like his daughter. But in the messages he says 'You will be mine even after 30 years. I am starting a new relation after 30 years. I love you so much.' My friend is very worried as he sits with the phone messaging all the time. What to make of this? He will not tolerate being questioned on any matter. Please give her suggestions.

beingloved · Jul 27, 2015

Why he would not "tolerate being questioned" when his own behavior is questionable??

Better to confront him!

Grihani · Jul 27, 2015

Retired recently? That means he is around 60 ? Well, if she has found such messages then clearly he is having an affair, can be emotional, physical or just for fun, time pass. He is also taking advantage of a girl who is much younger than him, jeopardizing her marriage too.

She has to start collecting proof, evidences, screen shots of his conversations, and confront him, and expose him. She must have grown up children? She has to tell them with proof, a lot of times children will not believe these things about their own parent. She should threaten, request him to stop...if he cant tolerate being asked, she shouldnt be tolerating that side of his anymore...people do these things only when they know it is easy to get away with it. She has to confront the lady too with proof, and threaten her that her husband will be informed. Nothing shames like being shamed publicly, if more people know both of them will get their act together.

yellowmango · Jul 28, 2015

Shameless dirty old man!Calling her'like daughter'.chee!
Anyways a retired guy will not be of much use to a married youngster.

Akanksha1982 · Jul 28, 2015

Your friend needs to grow spine after decades of marriage. She should drove him out of the house and inform everyone about his deeds and make him shameful of his behavior.

Ragini25 · Jul 28, 2015

Grihani said: ↑

He is also taking advantage of a girl who is much younger than him, jeopardizing her marriage too.

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Click to expand...

She (the youngster) is jeopardizing her own marriage. The blame is not on the 60 yr old*, but on herself. She is not a kid 'to be lured', she is married and is responsible for her own marriage sanctity to her hubby.

*The blame on him is for cheating on his wife. That is despicable.
But the 'youngster' is not a kid either.

Grihani · Jul 28, 2015

@Ragini25 I agree there, I am not excusing that lady either, she is equally culpable.

sweety17 · Jul 28, 2015

I think he is doing this for fun and time pass. Old men usually do that. But that doesn't mean his acts are justified.

Ask your fren to take screen shots and forward to her mobile and next day confront him on face. What if that girls folks too see those messages and come to confront him?? They will say that she is young and got lured you have retired passed 60 still you have don't have shame and all that...what will happen then??

Confronting should be best thing to do!! Good luck

Vasundhra · Jul 28, 2015

Somehow I can't believe this could be the case. How can your friend be 100% sure that it is the married youngster at the other end ? After all Whatsapp is also meant for anonymous messaging. Even if her DH is excited to start a new relation after 30 years I don't see a reason for the married youngster to be excited. She should confront him without delaying.

kiran82 · Jul 31, 2015

Thank you all for your suggestions. I talked about this to my friend and she was very upset that her husband was getting the brickbats. Reason being they both love each other a lot. He also is very open in his thoughts both at home and office. Even while talking to that girl he speaks in front of my friend and asks her also to speak. So my friend says, "Maybe I am wrong in my thinking." She says it is her mistake to have read the messages and feels that she must be patient and not question which may end in their own relation. She wanted to share with her sons at first but thought against it-again doesn't want anyone to look down upon her husband.I hope she comes out of her worries soon and all will be normal.Surely such things bring on a storm to normal life.Luckily she is very positive and also immensely patient.
Thank you all and regards,