Hurt! Pls help..

sillyme · Jul 20, 2015

Hi ladies,
I and my best friend became pregnant almost same time with 2 months gap.
The way her MIL helps her with her 1st child is so sweet. Now with the second one in tow I am sure her MIL will be helpful too.
Now my background, I and MIL did not have great relations, we had big fights but after we moved to US, they subsided as not many instances of facing each other.
She is a big escapist, she came here to take care of her older son's son and cribbed all along on how difficult it was. We will move to India in 6 months after my delivery. So now she is happy that she need not come. I am feeling awfully tired these days. She always acts concerning and says you are so tired, why don't u call your mom, I said my mom cant travel so many times if she comes now how will she stay for my delivery? I told her why don't you come,to which she said, her mom is sick, scared of travelling alone etcetc. I reallywant her to come and helpme but no she never does but gives annoying suggestions. I really want to teach her a lesson. I am planning on telling my mom to com for only 5 months which includes 3 months after delivery and force MIL to come. She never helps me, never is really concerned about me but acts up before DH and gives annoying suggestions. What are your thoughts, are your MILs like this?

yellowmango · Jul 20, 2015

Get some paid help.Spend the money you would spend on tickets to get paid help.
Teach her a lesson? for what? That just sounds mean. I am glad she is smart.
If she doesn't want to come,that is her choice.

paramlav · Jul 20, 2015

Some are blessed to have such mil. I liked what ym said.. if she doesn't want to come y to call her and spoil your happiness. you know she doesn't help too. best is to get paid help ..after delivery ask your mom to come ..I think you need more help after delivery.

CrayoNess · Jul 20, 2015

You are 20+ year (I assume) younger than your mom and mil. But expect to get help from them? Where is your husband?

Jazmine83 · Jul 20, 2015

oh dear god! here we go again..

Your child is your husbands and yours responsibility.

If your mil does not want to come...leave her alone. Teach her a lesson??? instead teach yourself some sense of responsibility

GoneGirl · Jul 20, 2015

Dear OP,

If she helps, it's a blessing. If she doesn't help, that is her choice, and it is not an obligation that she should. Be happy that your mom is supportive and is willing to come help you.
If you cannot listen listen to your MIL's annoying suggestions, tell her that you have got work to do, will catch up later and either hand the phone to your hubby or hang up. You are also not obligated to listen/follow all her suggestions.
Since you asked others opinion, I would never force anyone (esp someone who is not interested) to come take care of me or my child, as I like to be independent as much as possible. I would rather rely on my husband to take care of his own kid, as it is his responsibility, than a grandparent (of either side).

sillyme · Jul 20, 2015

Ok I am not expecting anything from my MIL. I am more than capable of taking care of my child, infact better than her. The reason I want her to come and help is she needs to put an end to this fake "concern" showing. She needs to stop putting up this show and honestly accept before my DH and her husband that she cannot do it and doesn't want to. She has no right to tell me or give suggestions on when my parents should visit unless she wants to step up. I don't expect any help from her, I already have 2 children, never did she help me. Its just that I cant take her showing off fake concern before her son to me, her hypocrisy hurts me. My DH believes all her drama, I hate her suggestions of telling me what to do, even more what my parents need to do when she is of no help but words to me. She clearly crossed the line this time, all that fake concern of "oh u sound so tired" etc. , call your mom etc, enough is enough.

rebelwomen · Jul 20, 2015

It makes sense to call your MIL/mom for child care and I understand pregnant women get tired pretty soon..u shud ask ur husband for help in household for such case....

and if u r annoyed by her suggestions..don't listen to them....

but teaching her lesson? and making her serve you..sounds cruel

it almost seems like there is no difference between her and you

anika987 · Jul 20, 2015

Even my MIL is like that.annoying but at the same time u need peace of mind.

u want her to come and crib all the way till ur delivery?it is emotionally unhealthy.
get some help here.there r many people who order food outside.
dont worry abt perfect house.rest,watch good movies,eat what u like and ask ur mom to come during delivery time.

I say it is better u manage urself till ur mom comes.

Rihana · Jul 20, 2015

Your problem is not a MIL who gives annoying suggestions, and shows fake concern, it is:

sillyme said: ↑

... My DH believes all her drama ...
Click to expand...

Dear, many would go down on their knees and pray to have a MIL who refuses to come to help.