How to improve husband's mental health?

IndoCadWife · Jul 8, 2015

I won't go into my autobiography but instead point out what the problem areas are. I've been married for 5 yrs and have a son. My husband has following issues which I want to solve:

1. DH has no friend circle in Canada as we moved here 3 yrs ago. He only sees me as the only person with whom he can love, hate, argue, shout etc. I have only two friends - one my colleague and other girl I found through this forum. DH doesn't like their husbands to spend time with. What to do? He isn't interested in making any friends, but I know he is lacking encouragement which a friend can only give.

2. My family is here but they can't see eye to eye with each other and DH feels disrespectful as no one from my family cares about him but only nags him. He has got insecurity issues as his family lives far off but I've always been by his side and supported him. How to clear his insecurity issues?

3. DH was always exploited by his employers and he had lost all the confidence. Now he is in a job where everybody respects him and he has the authority. But his attitude has changed towards life. He gets nervous easily, bites his nails and keeps thinking of any mistake he has made. How to bring back his confidence?

4. Anger issues. He gets irritated and frustrated very easily. He is also very stubborn.

He doesn't think there is anything wrong with him and I want him to go for counselling but his male ego says that crazy people go for counselling. My Inlaws are very good people and helping me too but in vain. I'm giving him flax seed oil for his mental health but things aren't improving. He has excuse for every action.

I'm getting distant from him and sometimes want to get out but he is really an amazing guy. He got this attitude after we came to Canada. It changed his perception and confidence towards life.

I have read self help books but if you can help me in how can I change his attitude towards life with my love and support and save this relationship.

Poetlatha · Jul 8, 2015

Go for walks, and casually chat with him and Get to know more about his interests,hobbies, and views about friendship, and try to help him. His mind will automatically relax. Boost his morale by appreciating and encouraging the things he does in and outside the house. Why is that your side people can't face him? Maybe that's making him insecure, find the cause and then reason, and then rectify the situation. What makes him irritated and frustrated ask him, deep down within something might be bothering or maybe mid-life crisis. Do things that will put a smile on his face, change his mood, and make him happy. I hope this might be of some help. Try to get more help from his family and friends too, to help you figure out how to handle your present situation, or what are things that makes him happy, and go by it. Good luck.

sanarthi · Jul 8, 2015

Practice meditation. I was depressed once due to over expectation from parents to get a good job, because of which i was not able to think anything with a third eye. I used to fear for simple things. i used to shout and get angry to my siblings.

But once i started practicing meditation, i felt a difference. You cannot see this in a short period. But say in about 6 months of time you can feel 30% difference.

Small steps , but you can go long way.

Regards,
Sanarthi

1Sandhya · Jul 8, 2015

Where was he living before Canada? Was it India? All the points you mentioned -- the nervousness lack of confidence, anxiety, distrust could be due to a form of depression known as SAD. SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder affects people who hail from places with lots of sunlight and then have difficulties adjusting fully when they move to a cold/cloudy/no sun place. There are ways to get out of it, mainly physical exercise and going outside more. Google SAD.

IndoCadWife · Jul 8, 2015

We were living in England. He was with bs childhood friends there. The recession was bad and job weren't so good so we planned out move to Canada. I have my family here in Canada and at first it was all beautiful. But slowly things turned ugly when my parents and siblings showed signs of nagging and controlling and insulting my husband on minor issues. There were quite clashes between my family and him and finally I left my parents and moved to a different province to avoid any other issues but things didn't go as expected and he was exploited by his employer, my family made fun of him and never appreciated his efforts..this all gave him frustration, anger and ruined his self confidence.

chaithup · Jul 9, 2015

Give him a feel that you are also fed up with ur people for nagging him in the past and that u r more concerned for him and create positive environment in ur house and praise the efforts he has put in to reach the present responsible position. This shall imbibe confidence in him and eventually over a course of time he gets motivated.