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i have hit my bottom...

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by creeper, Jul 7, 2015.

  1. creeper

    creeper Senior IL'ite

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    hi ladies...

    i am having a problem and its really getting on my nerves these days a lot...

    My husband gets everything he likes from super market...chicken ,lamb, fish , prawns, leafy veggies, fruits and all
    and those are a lot for a family of 3(me ,DH and 20 months baby).veggies will be rotten in 3 weeks time
    and he throws all them away and blames me for neglecting them..trust me i always cook 2 curries a day and some salads
    from all those veggies...then there are soo many left overs FROM THOSE curries and alll...he will eat a curry for only 2 times
    zand after that he needs another fresh curry..
    so we have been throwing away a lot of left over curries and veggies
    from about 6 years...
    i always ask him not to bring soo many things at once...chicken and prawns in one week and lamb and fish in another week...
    like a alternate combiantions of veggies as well per week so that we will have less wastage.he says ok but he will be back
    to his normal way immediatly.
    this going on for 6 years and recently we have downsized our fridge from 630lts to 300 liters due to raising electricity bills.
    and it got very little freeger space and i clearly told my husband to be very careful while getting the things...he said ok..
    yesterday we went to supermarket and he sent me away to get other things and while i was away he bought 2 kilos of fish
    (we already got our freezer tightly packed)
    seeing that i lost my temper and i got sugar packet in my hand so i just put it in the trolley in a frustarted way..
    then my husband got so much anger he tried to throw away fish packet in front of all other people and he started to s
    storm out of mall .so i tried to calm him down but he started saying that i stop everything he do and i show my disapproval
    in very offensive way(trust me i never had a chance to show my disapproval in soo many things he did in these years ..
    i always keep quite..first i tried to oppose he raise his voice and i layoff the topic there)
    and he started shouting at me using a bit of bad language..this is happeneing these days when ever
    i show my disapproval he is raising his voice and making a scene.
    Inside the car he started saying this is the last time he is bringing non-veg in to the house and from now on he is
    not getting anything ...i don't know y i lost it....i am not saying to bring anything but all i am saying to before
    bringing just think of the freezer space aswell(before day he only kept the chicken and goat in freezer)...the same thing i
    said to him but in very load voice....i had hit my bottom keeping mum on everything... and he in return started using bad
    language and he shouted if i don't stop yelling at him he will do something (????)..i regained my conscience and stop
    talking and kept mum...
    till one hour we didn't talk to each other..after some time i went back and tried to talk to him normally....
    he started saying that i should have shown my disapproval in good manner...what the hell..thats what i am doing
    for the past 6 years and he is not even trying to absorb what i am saying ....i literally begged him to change his ways..
    and he saying i am being rude ...
    i dunno how to take it...at that moment i thought taking to him regarding tthat issue is waste of time...i am feels
    soo bad about myself..he is saying that what ever he do and how ever he talks to me i need not no no i should not raise my
    voice or show my disapproval in the way i feel..al i should say in smiley way...how can that be possible...
    he is not trying to listen even when i say with smiley face or even begging didn't work...i should not loose it..
    i am a human being not a robot...
    i really needed to talk to anyone..but have got no one...literally...so i am venting out with u guys...

    i know this has got no solution..so just want to vent out...
     
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  2. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op...that is a strange problem.
    And so much wastage is sinful.
    Can you take over buying food items completely?
    If so,do so.
    Make sure you get stuff that he likes too but in small quantities.
    Learn to make small quantities of food at one time.
    If time is a problem...then make one dal and two curries at one time . Serve dal and one curry for lunch and dal with fresh tadka and the other curry the next time.
    Things like left over chicken can be turned into chicken sandwich or parantha roll.
    The left over curry can be turned into new egg curry. Just add something for flavor like 'kasuri methi' or some cream .

    Prawn curry can be thickened and then mixed with rice to make prawn biryani.
    Left over fish can be mixed with boiled potatoes and coriander to make fish cutlets. If he gets variety,he will stop complaining.

    Learn to recycle left overs and to make smaller amounts of food.

    Ask him what he wants once or twice in a week to keep him happy.

    If it is not possible to do shopping yourself,then make a shopping list with quantities written in bold and ask him to stick to the list.

    If that doesn't work ...then click a picture of the stuffed freezer on his mobile and make it his wall paper. shakehead
     
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  3. SadMarried

    SadMarried Silver IL'ite

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    Dear OP , i feel for you. Some men think any disapproval or disagreement from wife is offence. Whenever my hubby goes out for shopping , he just buys things without looking at price(he misses on buy one get free offer , only picks one even if other is free) or date of expiry(bring bread/milk which is expiring tomorrow or today) or even bring wrong items. And im not allowed to say why didnt you check the date or it was in offer why you got only one or why did you bring wrong item ..he would think i object him on anything he does and fight/shout. So men dont get it ..

    What i would advice is , either you go on shopping on your own and buy what you think is required. Or give him list of what exactly you want him to buy , this is what i do.
     
  4. SadMarried

    SadMarried Silver IL'ite

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    :rotflideasmiley
     
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  5. tashidelek2002

    tashidelek2002 IL Hall of Fame

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    I also think you should take over the shopping. He seems to be an impulse shopper and if he doesn't know how to cook he might actually not know what would be an appropriate quantity to buy for your small household.
     
  6. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    If he is otherwise a good person, keep in mind men usually have super size ego, and they want wife to 'not lecture them'. So, keep his ego massaged that he is great, and you see if you can take over some 50% of shopping, so you can reduce this problem by 50%. Bring peace into your life rather than take on his ego (you can take it on, but it will mean more shouting over the rooftops).
     
  7. Giu

    Giu Junior IL'ite

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    For every one day food is wasted, one meal lunch/dinner is not allowed. Fasting. New rule. But seriously, why are you not taking over the grocery shopping since he has been mismanaging it all this while?
     
  8. Swethasri

    Swethasri Platinum IL'ite

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    I feel so lucky. I rule in this matter whether he comes for the grocery or not. what I would do is just donate the food who are in needy before it spoils. let him keep buying. Think about kids, if you tell them "do" they wont do, if you tell them "dont do" they will do. Simple solution "donate food and gain good KARMA :)"

    Mine wont tolerate the rude behavior.
     
  9. IndoCadWife

    IndoCadWife New IL'ite

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    Some men are like that..You cannot control their ego and cannot change their behaviour and I can feel that you can't go for shopping without him that's why the easiest solution to take over grocery shopping hasn't been possible. What I can suggest is that don't force him or order him or request him...coz you've tried that and you know that has never helped; instead what you can do if I were at your place would do is that - let him shop and you guide him..simply tell him that time when he picks up the stuff that this thing is already at home or may be you're bored eating fish or whatever reason you can make up..if he still doesn't agree with you, let him buy the stuff and just tell him that you can buy it but you will have to help me to fit it in the refrigerator/freezer. Let him see what problems you are having, these type of men doesn't understand what you say; but only understand what they see themselves..
     
  10. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Wow!
    Who are these husbands who insist on going to the grocery store? Wild horses couldn't drag mine there!
     
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