Confused... problem in marriage

Life is so unpredictable... Everything in my life was so smooth till now and now suddenly things changed. I m confused, what to do now in a battle of heart n mind.

I am married for 3 yrs now. Before marriage, I had a happy lifestyle. I had good friends, a regular job, good social life and someone whom I liked but we were not in a relationship. Just good friends type.
My family was pressurizing me to get married soon. But I was not interested in those guys and the person I was interested in was playfully involved with other girl. So, finally unwillingly I gave nod to one alliance. It was from another city. The would be husband came to meet me and my response was totally distasteful, as he was not as per my standards. But still I didn't backed out, as I had already given the commitment.

So, I got married to this guy and found out that tho he is not a good looking person but was good in personality. Even, I proved lucky to him...he got to buy new car, new house within the first year of marriage. In the second year, he changed the job with almost double the salary. This usually happens, with whomever I m with :yes: (with past experiences)

With time, I started liking my husband and totally devoted myself in household life. In the meanwhile, I used to try for a job, but unfortunately I never cracked any interview, don't know why was it. I tried for two years and ultimately I got one, but it was a night shift job..
My relation with in-laws is just like everyone else has. For the world I am a good person, but for them I am the worst. They do not live with us. Last year, my SIL was pregnant and was supposed to come to live with my inlaws till delivery. So I thought to call them to stay with us for sometime before SIL comes, because when she'll come they would b busy and cant come to us then. Also, my husband was feeling lonely after he cones from office, as I had night shift. So he will also get the company. So, they came and on the first day itself FIL announced that u don't have to cook till the time ur MIL is here.

Ok, I was happy. But this happiness vanished within a week. I used to come home at 5am n then sleep for 1.5hrs, then wake up n make breakfast n lunch for DH. FIL used to have breakfast then only. But MIl didn't. After my husband leaves at 9:30
I go to sleep again and usually its by 10:30 that I get sleep. Now the problem starts, FIL used to knock my door to wake me up to make breakfast for them doh1
I hv to again wake up n make breakfast n dinner arrangements. As lunch I had already made in the morning. this thing continued for next 15 days, wen the outburst happened. I was not getting proper sleep, I always felt drowsy, over worked and over all that...didn't get support from home side. Even my husband was not supporting me, he said I m doing wrong intentionally. I m hurting his parents.
One day I said that if this thing continues, I have to leave my job.
On this, a big argument followed. In the heat of the moment, I even said that u live with ur parents n lets get divorced. And that I don't want to live with ur parents as well.

Well, I agree it was my fault, I shouldn't have said that. Later, I apologized as, they were elders and I shouldn't have had talked like this. This incident happened last yr October, n till April everything between us was almost sorted.. I even called my inlaws n talked over the phone. Though I could never forget how they treated me.

I left the job after that incident.
Now a new angle comes into the picture. I had met with a girl of our community in my neighbourhood. She was married and always insisted to make our husbands meet. So they met and my husband also liked them. Within a couple of months, I got some negative vibes from that girl and always tried to stay away from them. But they used to come to our place every weekend, even if we were avoiding thier calls. She always used to tak about extra marital affairs n that people need it. I never liked her this thought process. Even she used to say this directly to my husband that lets have an extra marital affair. I warned my husband against that girl and tried to stay away from her.
But the husband wife always used to find any way to meet us n come to our place. Twice they convinced us to go to outstation trips. I kind of tolerated all this, just because of my husband liked her husband's company. But very soon, I got to find out that my husband talks with this gal on WhatsApp n then deletes it. Then found out that he deletes the call log as well. One day from his phone I found out they had planned to meet. I did some changes in numbers n blocked her number, so that they cannot meet.

The next day we had an argument regarding this. He agreed that he has to delete it to hide from me. He also agreed that he will one day prove that he does an affair. He even said that we do not match and he doesn't want to live with me.
This was a very fatal blow for me, because I was under impression that we both love each other deeply and no one can separate us. I lost my mind on this and slashed myself. My husband rushed me to a nearby hospital and I was saved.
Now, the situation is that I am at my parents place for last two months and he has not contacted me for last 1.5 months. Initially when I came to my parents place, he behaved normally and I believed that I have got my old husband back. But now, not him, nor his parents or sister is contacting me. Not even replying me on msg or calls. He is not even answering calls from my family.
Last week, we had our anniversary and he didn't even wished me. I sent a bouquet and he rejected that. How can someone reject a bouquet of red roses, I don't understand.

I feel, divorce is on his mind. Even his parents must be encouraging him for that. But my parents are in shock, they cannot accept this behaviour. There's not a single divorce case in my parents side. I don't know what to do now. I am not working, currently not financially independent. I feel cheated, that he brought me when i was at the best of my life and throwing me away when I am at the worst of my life. That too when I need him the most. At times, I feel I should forget n continue with this marriage, but then he is not responding back. I am totally confused and feel lost.

Please suggest with your thoughts and sorry for such a long post.

 

Thanks @yellowmango , I guess u pointed out right. I had this wrong thought process to be good to others, even when it was destructive to me. I need to sort out the things and yes... Job is the first thing in mind right now.

 

No, it was not like that. I had totally devoted myself in this marriage. Never even tried to go back or contact my friend after marriage. Even my husband was so loving, tho I never felt the love the way I wanted to be loved. Still, both of us were true to this marriage until this incident happened. If I had to come out of this marriage, I wouldn't have entered in it at the first place. Even after marriage, I would not wait for 3 yrs to come out of it. More over that, after all his misbehaving I m still willing to save this marriage. So, I don't think there is any subconscious thoughts against marriage.