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Sad marriage and insecurity

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by IndoCadWife, Jul 7, 2015.

  1. Jul 7, 2015 #1
    IndoCadWife

    IndoCadWife New IL'ite

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    I have been married for 5 years and we have a son. DH and I are getting distant day by day. We have arguments and he is getting stubborn. Life was so charming before we came to Canada. He and I were so close and now our communication has gone away. He has a troubled relationship with my parents and they can't see eye to eye each other. Although I know both are responsible, I am tending to hate both my parents and DH. Sex life has gone away as I can't even see his face. I want to leave him but I'm only compromising for the sake of my son. I don't want him to grew up with one parent.

    Now DH has met his mother after 4 hrs. She gave us surprise by visiting us for two weeks. Seeing his mother my husband got super emotional and got tears in his eyes. He is by his mother's side most of the time. I feel so lonely. I've talked to him and he blames me for being a bad DIL. MIL is really nice lady but I can't see her too often in my house as my husband wants her to visit next time for 4 months. I like my privacy and don't know how to convey this as I fear of another blame game and misunderstanding and argument which isn't good for our son to see. I don't know what to do? Is this one time phase? How and when he will stop being a bang of his mom and start bring s father of his son? How can I forgive his actions towards my parents and make my marriage work?

    Thanks!
     
    IndoCadWife, Jul 7, 2015
    IndoCadWife, Jul 7, 2015
    #1
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  2. Jul 7, 2015 #2
    bhagya85

    bhagya85 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi dear,
    I am able to understand that there is lot of controversies btw you,your DH and your parents.I can not give exact solution as I don't know what the problem is ..but I can advice you to sit and talk to your DH and confess if something was wrong from your side.Try to be good to your MIL and try to seek her help,because thats the only easy way to convince your DH.Don't worry ...time will fade away everything soon.Don't lose hope!!!Try to stay with your DH always!!!Remove your thoughts of leaving him at any point of time..Time will heal all the pain!!!
     
    bhagya85, Jul 7, 2015
    bhagya85, Jul 7, 2015
    #2
  3. Jul 7, 2015 #3
    beingloved

    beingloved Gold IL'ite

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    Your husband has met his folks after 4 years and you're complaining he's by her side most of the time, it's obvious, isn't?

    It would have been the same if he's met you/ your son after so many years
     
    beingloved, Jul 7, 2015
    beingloved, Jul 7, 2015
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  4. Jul 7, 2015 #4
    Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    On Target!
     
    Ragini25, Jul 7, 2015
    Ragini25, Jul 7, 2015
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  5. Jul 7, 2015 #5
    pear

    pear Gold IL'ite

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    Dear op,

    You wanted to continue this marriage for the sake of your son.Whats your dhs take on this issue...even he is satisfied with the same ?Living without sex for the sake of the kid should not be a one sided decision ......Did you convey the decision to him?

    You say there is problem bet your parents & dh.You concluded that the mistake is from both side ......why not try to patch the relationship....or atleast try to heal your relationship with your dh ?...forgiving one another for mistakes is part of any relationship.

    You got worried seeing your dh get teary with his own mom.As a mom yourself you need to understand your dhs reaction.Your dh is not a toy restricted to be used only as a father......your fear of losing his services to your son if MIL chooses to make a 4 months trip shows your onesided mind.Even arguments needs to be avoided for the sake of son and not for the way you may hurt your marriage.In my point of view you had stopped caring for your dh in all levels expect to make use of him as a father for your loving son.Why then you get upset to see his mom shower him with love .......you hate seeing his happiness?

    Being nice to his parents could have healed a lot of wounds in your marriage.Your dh may even be ready to patch up with your parents .....in a minimal level (i dont know the issue).Trying to tell him not to invite your MIL may not bring anything positive in your life at present.
     
    pear, Jul 7, 2015
    pear, Jul 7, 2015
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    1 person likes this.
  6. Jul 7, 2015 #6
    IndoCadWife

    IndoCadWife New IL'ite

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    You all are taking me wrong. I know you all are experienced ladies, but what I'm trying to say is that I'm getting insecurity when I see my husband and MIL enjoying their time.. I already have no feelings for him then why am I getting this feeling. His mother as I said above is a very good lady. I myself leave my husband with his mother but when he says that he will bring her in our house for 4 months I get upset coz I don't mind a week or two stay, but 4 months is a long time. I've never lived with someone after marriage for so long.
     
    IndoCadWife, Jul 7, 2015
    IndoCadWife, Jul 7, 2015
    #6
  7. Jul 7, 2015 #7
    SadMarried

    SadMarried Silver IL'ite

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    dear OP , don't worry 4 months is not long time if she is nice lady and if you have good relation with her , hopefully she wont create problem for you. Regarding your hubby close to his mum , that's normal. let him have good time until his mum is there and you do your own thing. After 4 months , you will have everything your way.
     
    SadMarried, Jul 7, 2015
    SadMarried, Jul 7, 2015
    #7

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