At last!!!

Stay at your parents place to cool down.
Start thinking about working.It will give your something to do.
Don't talk about divorce right now but tell your husband that you are disgusted by his thinking that your parents need to pay for making his child. No man with any self respect would ask for someone to pay for fertility treatment.
Ask him if he is okay with the child not having his surname and your surname only

If he is not ready to pay for fertility treatments,are you both okay living without children? Do you both care for each other enough ?

 

Op...a him how far will this 'your parents should pay' business go.
Will he expect your parents to pay for the child's food,schooling ,marriage? If he can't pay for the fertility treatment,will he be able to afford a child?

 

OP, Let everything take a backseat for a minute. Right now concentrate on you. I agree with what Yellow Mango said completely. He shud be ashamed of himself to ask for your parents to pay. Whose kid will it be ? His or your parents.All he is looking for is taking the easy way out of large expenses. Tomorrow if the kid goes to school who pays again your parents. You shud nip this in the bud. Anybody who tells you how great your hubby is tell them to mind their own business and concentrate on yourself. Get a job relax yourself and in few months you will get a clear idea as to what to do . Till then if your hubby calls say you don't want to talk about it. You will get a bout of confidence in doing this.Then you will know what to do.Good Luck.

 

Tell me about such men. I was having lunch with one of my colleagues and came to know that he has two daughters. And he told me a few things regarding his daughters which I couldn't digest at all.

He was like, "their maternal grandparents will take care of their education and dowry. why should I do" and he had so much attitude while saying this. There is something called as kanyashulkam, which was practiced in olden days. That custom meant that the groom would pay the bride's parents some amount and marry that bride. Kind of reverse dowry, That colleague was like, "by the time my daughters grow up, kanyashulkam will be back and I will get money"

I knew money minded people exist. But after this incident and OP's incident, I have realized money minded wrt children too exist.

All I can say to OP is, be strong. Very strong. Stay calm for the moment. Gather your guts and clear with your DH as to what he wants. He needs to have a clarity on this issue and he needs to give a clarity to you too. Good Luck.

 

Dear OP,

Not to blame ur husband but the soceity. There are people who say boys get treated good by parents coz they think son will earn.
But I have seen many parents who love their daughters like hell and even after marriage keep giving them gifts, raises daughters kids, gives them money etc.
my aunt kept her daughter 1 yr for every delivery gave gifts, all responsibility of Taking care baby. They say OH ITS DAUGHTER OUR RESPONSIBILITY
My own mother in law raised daughters kid for 4 yrs,her son in law really likes her.
One of my aunt moved to another city as her daughters grand daughter got medicine seat.

They don't do for sons kids.

So seeing these kind of scenario ppl like ur husband expect.
So ur hubby expecting from ur parents is not out of world.
also from my cousin in india heard that 1st delivery expenses bear by parents.

Tell ur hubby and parents that for now u taking money but in future u r going to do job and return the money back to ur parents.

Relax so that ur treatment gets done.
ur mom is helping u and u will help her in future.
I dint understand why they want u to leave ur hubby.

 

OP,

you asked a question is it worth to leave the married life for the sake of my happiness and self respect.' It is a tough one to answer and one that only you can answer to satisfaction. I can tell you that whatever you pick it will feel like you made the wrong choice at least in the beginning because the mind tends to go over and over back t the 'what might have been'. I also suggest you take a break for now and think over your options when you are in cool mind.

As to your husband I think he is behaving like this because he feels the problem is with you. Since you have brought this problem into the marriage I think he expects you and your parents to fix it. I am not supporting what he is doing of course but I feel either he feels this way or his family members are putting pressure on him to think this way. I'll be frank OP. I dont think it augurs well for you that he is acting like this. It shows a basic lack of commitment to you and to your marriage. It is like he will be there for the good times and the benefits like kids having his surname but not otherwise. This lack of feeling within him that 'whatever the problems we will face together good or bad' is problematic OP.

Finally our parents are the best well wishers we have. In spite of all the cultural conditioning and pressure if they are also telling you to leave him then you should heed their words.

 

Dear OP, I am not sure about your mental state right now to empathize with you. But one thing for sure... If I were you, I would tell him that I do not want a child from him if all the expenses for the child is to be spent by someone else than his own dad.

Make a full stop for this TTC expectation, and relax at your parent's place for a while.

I would advice any woman to stand on their own feet no matter how great their marriage life is. It is important that you work, earn for yourself and live with respect. You can choose to work or not work with time when you feel it is right/important and is a mutual decision.

In your case, self dependency is important. Stop expecting your parents' to support you for everything which your husband fails to do. Other than emotional support and guidance your parents owe nothing to you.

Your growth and self dependency will make him come back to you.

Stop feeling guilt, or inferior and unsafe in your marriage. There is no woman waiting on the door step to marry your husband or give him a child the moment you leave him. He will be the same, and living the same life minus his wife.

Many women fail to take any bold step with the fear of losing their marriage. Don't under estimate your power.