I m a failure

Shailu87 · Jun 27, 2015

Hi frnds,

Im a silent reader of this forum. I wanted to to share my problem but
was afraid of my husband. Sorry for the long post.

I married at the age of 20. We met on orkut.com. We belong to same caste
so told my parents about him and they said ok. We r south indian so dowry
issue came and i clearly told him we r against dowry and he said ok. But my parents said
we ll give a gift a land on my daughter name in my native. He asked the valuation i said it ll be like 7 to 8 lakhs. So we go married. Forgot 1 point. My father died before my marriage and i wanted to marry soon as i didnt wanted to stay with my elder brother and mom coz in childhood my brother molested me and frm thn we r not in talking terms. I was clise to my father so i married in hurry. After marriage i got to know tht my husband is an alcoholic drinks 5 beers per day and smokes 2 cigarette packs. He was completely irresposible no savings nothing. Evn if i wanted to purchase a dress he would tell i dont ve money. Month end he woukd borrow frm his frnds. I used to work before marriage but i was so afraid to ask him a single rupee. So after 1 monzth his mother died of heart attack she was diabetic. My parents came to our place and my dh created a big drama fully drunk beated me infront of my mother blaming me of his mom death. His sisters supported him. They tortured me and my mom giving bad words till 11 days and thn we ran frm there and came back to pune. In themean time i got to know i was pregnant i told jim and ge slapped me. So after cming back my mom and bro started torturing me tht u loved him and u choosed him and repent. Unable to bear these words i called my dh and he askedme to come back for the sake of baby. So i went back to hyderabad. 1 month was good but again tje same drame beating and giving bad words. So time passed after my daughter was born he lost his job. He came to pune and i worked leaving my 2 months baby. But stil fighted with me for not givibg money for beer and cigarettes. After 1 yr he got job in hyd and we shifted. Now he got his 1 salary and brought 10 beers and beated like hell coz i didnt gave him enough money for beets and cigarettes. time passed one say he sold my whole gold and bought a second hand car even my thalli ie mangalsutram. I thought i loved him so didnt took serious. After 6 yrs of marriage my 2 nd daughter was born and again he lost his job. I went to pune and came back after 1 yr as he didnt had money to eat or for us. I stayed with mom and bro and gave thm montly rent of 5000 rs. My land which my parents said will give i sold and i got 6 lakhs. I gave 2 lakhs for iur house furniture and remaining amt i fixed it. Now pls guys tell me im fed up of this man. Still he is not getting respinsibility to save for atleast daughters sake. I want to leave him but coz i dont want to stay woth parents staying hete. Wht should i do ols help me for my future and childrens future.

Shailu87 · Jun 27, 2015

I forgot to mention i commited sucide before 3 yrs drank poison but was saved was in icu for 1 month coz of his torture but still he is not changed

JaishankaSoleti · Jun 27, 2015

Hello
You have done a very good job. You stay alone with your daughters to save and brought up. May God give you power and grace for a bright future of yo;u;r children

whitedaisy · Jun 27, 2015

You have 2 wonderful daughters and you have a job. That's very positive thing. Don't ever think of committing of suicide. You are really in good position. You are in a much much better position than lot of women in this world. Don't waste your beautiful life.
Tell yourself everyday that you have a beautiful, happy and independent life.

Read positive thinking books in the internet. Whenever you feel sad listen to music or watch some inspiring or comedy movies. That's what I do. Everybody in this world has problems. I am sure after few years, you feel proud about yourself and your kids too feel the same about you.Keep yourself busy. Take kids to a walk or park everyday evening.

Come out from that house. Stay alone in a separate house or working women's hostels. Few hostels allow kids also, if your kids are old enough.
I remember a lady was staying along with her daughter in the hostel that I was staying.

Ragini25 · Jun 27, 2015

For 6 yrs he abused, and slapped u when u got preg first time, and negligent towards the wonderful 1st dau, and then 6 yrs of that negligence to the poor kid and second dau happened?

Assuming this is true thread and giving that benefit of doubt,
enga poi muttikardhu? Edha panreengalo illaiyo, idha pannidunga! Orkut panna theriyum, idhu panna theriyum, aana refrain panna theriyaadhu (Never mind translation, not important, skip this paragraph).

prayers for the welfare of your two daughters. Hope they do well in life. Suggestion to you: move away from him.

vaidehi71 · Jun 27, 2015

simply leave him and take care of your life.

Shailu87 · Jun 27, 2015

Hi frn

thnks for ur replies. Im not working present. My dh is suspicioua of me talking to outsiders or even neighbours. Why ll he allow me for job. And for 2 nd daughter she is 1 yr old on june 20 this month. It was an unplanned pregnancy. Iactually i wanted to abort it coz of his torture but ii didnt had ttht courage. So i said im a failure. My brother calls me a failure. I worked whn he list job coz didnt had money to eat so he sent me for working.

chocolate · Jun 27, 2015

OP, First of all stop all this nonsense and file for divorce asap from your husband. I don't think its worth living in a loveless and abusive marriage. I agree you had to get away from your incestuous brother but why get married in a rush? That too to your hubby. I haven't seen one qualification in of his from your post. You cud have moved into a hostel and continued with your job. Let that part go. After marriage when he abused you , you shud have left immediately. You left finally and came back becoz you were pregnant. Why did you do that? Do you know you escaped harming the baby when he abused you. He is looking for easy money and he married you as a way out to entertain his drinking and smoking needs. Accept that fact and get away asap.

You thought you loved him and gave him all your jewels. One more glaring mistake. You never sell your jewels unless its dire need.To buy a car he sold it is a frivolous way to use money.jewels are given or taken to be adorned with love and care not to be sold or mortgaged for willy nilly reasons like this.You thought you loved him and didn't take it serious???!!!!. Seriously take a hint. He is not worth it. He is looking for you maintaining his wayward ways life long.Dont entertain it.

Your mom and brother are no better people in all this. They are family shud have stood behind you as support. Forget them and think of you and your girls as family.Monthly rent of 5k in your brother and mom's home shows they are no better people who are milking you for money no less.

Again you sold land to bring furniture for home????.Really!!. Good God woman get a hold on yourself. Furniture you can live without but can you live without money. Seriously you need a bout of reality yourself to deal with things.Who is to say you wont spend the remaining 4 lakhs on some other frivolous reason telling you didn't mind becoz you love your husband.That land wud have been security for your kids in future. Will this furniture be security for them. Definitely not.

Instead file a 498a against your hubby . He wont change. If he didn't get responsibility after having 1 kid what makes you think he will get after 2. Before filing get information about womens shelters in your city. Check it out and then file. Stay there for sometime and then take a home for rent.

You are forgetting what effect all this is having on your daughters. They will think getting beaten up is normal.Get a grip and get away asap. I apologize if I offended you but I stated facts based on what you wrote. Do post back about what you did.Good Luck.

Shailu87 · Jun 28, 2015

Hi

im a graduate. My dh is a software engg in mnc. He has a mental problem tht whtever he thinks tht is rite. I asked him whn ll u fix some amt for ur daughters as ur spending money on ur drinking purpose he says u want me dead so soon im alive i know whn to do for children. If i argue he ll say i ll commit sucide and goes to his bedroom and lock his door. If i oppose to his drinking and beating ge l bring a knife abd cut the sofas break the laptop. Like these many things happened. He is good with kids. But wht abt their wants their education. If any emergency occurs like money isue he ll mortgage my mangalsutram in mannapuram and bring 50k and enjiy his drinking and others but ll not save money. His salary is 80k but no savings. Whn he is not drunk he is a good person. Takes care of children tht is the sole reason im staying with him.

catwalk · Jun 30, 2015

Committing suicide is not a solution for anything. You are a graduate and brave
women who can independently lead a family. You have two wonderful children,
You are not alone.

You shouldn't have sold your assets. Whatever happened is happened. Now you must
make a decision. Do not sell any of your assets, at any circumstances. If he is harassing you, you can stay apart.

If possible, you may take him to the the place given below.

Punarjani-De addiction Center Kerala,Deaddiction Center Thrissur,De-addiction center,Counseling for Drunkards,Charity homes in Kerala

This is not a usual de-addiction center. There is no torture no medication etc.
They will give him beer and do not force him to do anything. But he will be a
new man after the stay there.

May God bless you,