Dead Marriage!

Tryinghard2013 · Jun 21, 2015

I think our 5 year marriage has died and we live together for fear of society and so that our kids do not have to suffer. He talks to me rudely on every occasion he gets and I am tired of fighting back or letting him know that it is inappropriate. He fulfills his financial responsibly and I try to fulfil my responsibility towards the house. Both of us have little to no relation with inlaws. We sleep in separate bedrooms and avoid talking to each other as much as possible.
Is anyone else in the same situation? Does it get better. I just cannot handle his getting angry and rude with me every now and then.Maintaining a distance with him lets me not take his hurt to my heart and that is my defense mechanism. Any help?

GoneGirl · Jun 21, 2015

Have you tried couples counseling? This seems like an unhealthy set-up, not just for the couple, but also your kids growing in this environment. Try to convince your husband to seek counseling, if not for your sake, at least for the kids' sake.

Ragini25 · Jun 21, 2015

Options are

Try marital counseling. Last attempt, give a chance.
- if it works then good.
- if it does not work out even after sufficient period of time - then some (indian) families continue the superficial setup and live for sake of kids, thats one option,but some do temporary separation as a trial period, thats the other option.

Tryinghard2013 · Jun 22, 2015

I had suggested to him to go for counseling. He is too proud to go there and says he does not want downtown telling him what he already knows. Plus he thinks I need a change in my attitude. All I say is talk to me properly. But he says that I am not perfect and you need someone who is perfect. So it's like both of us don't agree and counseling is out of the way. The separate bedroom situation was actually because of his job when he has to sleep in odd hours. But now we seem to be totally fine with it. He does talk to me properly sometimes but other times becomes ridiculously angry and frustrated. Do you face similarl situations of an angry husband?

CrayoNess · Jun 22, 2015

Counselling would be a good option but also difficult if you live abroad (if I understood correctly). We did go through counselling when living abroad and it was OK (some cultural/language challenges though).

pear · Jun 22, 2015

Why your physical intimacy stopped existing ? Sleeping in a diff room or working out-of -station could not be a reason for this kind of wide gap.Reduction in intimacy could be understood ,but absolute nil existence is not normal.What major problem created that gap? are you guys just drifted away?Is there any chance for you to change your sleeping arrangement?

If you could not pin point the exact cause ,instead of arguing in a neg manner start love moves.His anger shows that even he is frustrated with the current setup(maybe your dh is too shy to demand sex).Its difficult for men/women to feel attached to thier life partner without physical intimacy.Your dh seems to be okay otherwise ,so try bringing the romance back into your marriage.Make some extra effort to attract him back .Prepare to feel awkward to start romancing again.Give him time to respond.Keeping a distance would only increase his frustrations towards you.We need an extra effort to maintain intimacy bet the couple with the arrival of a child.

catwalk · Jun 22, 2015

Un-Romance-d - Beauty@NRI BRIDE

vaidehi71 · Jun 23, 2015

Hi,
Sleeping in diff rooms, definitely not good in the long run. Yes a few times a week for work times is fine, but without any intimacy at all will destroy marriage. I really dont know what all the real problems with your life, but try to discuss the issues with your dh. It will be really going to cause psychological problems with both of you if continuing like this. For the sake of the kids also you need a good relationship. Even if away from family due to work issues once you have off days why do you have to sleep alone. Didn't have time to look into your posts to give you advise for your problems. take care.