Husband can't forgive my family..

Last year when my sister in law visited us from England and bullied me (I was pregnant), my husband broke all contacts with her. His family wanted to amend things with her, but my husband wasn't agreeing. He didn't broke the contact because his sister bullied me but because she said that my husband hasn't spend a penny on her while she was staying with us for 6 weeks.

Now fast forward 9 months, my parents visited me and created scene and abused my husband. They left home next day and never even contacted me once for three months now. They had left me alone with a 3 day old baby. My husband was hurt that my parents didn't care about us and we weren't able to enjoy the birth of our son.

Now my sister calls me almost everyday, my grandma calls me too...my brother just got settled near my town but hasn't visited us. My sister and my brother don't even talk to/about my husband. My husband feels neglected and everyday curses my family. He wants me to break relations with them..I'm already not speaking with my parents, but my siblings are constantly in contact with me.

I know my siblings blame my husband and thing my parents are not guilty. They think my husband instigates me and that's why I'm so disconnected with my family. My husband thinks that I'm more committed to my parents than him.

I have seen a lot of change. I feel like after what my brother (he never visits us or rarely speaks with my husband) and my parents did to him, his self esteem is getting low. I love my husband but I can also not break relations with my siblings. It was hard for me to overcome the feeling of abandonment by my parents and now breaking relations with my siblings won't be easy for them.

I've tried communicating with him but his low self esteem is unable to understand my feelings. Everyday he reminds himself of what and how my family did and this doesn't help in healing his wounds.

I've always supported my husband coz I've known he was right, but for the first time I feel like this is not him. His self esteem has gotten so low that he blames me, criticizes me for things that would make him superior. This has led to many arguments but now I'm tired and exhausted to even take another argument and or make him understand.

Every night I put the show awakening with brahmakumari..but he doesn't even like what sister Shivani says. He starts criticizing her. I can't understand how to make him understand that he is not the person he was 3 months ago. I curse my parents everyday for ruining my life and can't believe my husband would take that so hard on himself. I know time will heal things but this time, time is making wounds worse. Please suggest me something.

 

My son sleeps really well but my husband doesn't like to sleep until it's 12am. I force him to go to sleep, but he sticks to his laptop on the time...

 

First of all, my name is Shruti and secondly, thanks for your message. To your questions-

My parents liked my husband when we were married. My husband sponsored my education, and helped financially with $6000 for my sister to come to Canada. My parents had returned the money, but if it was not my husband to pay her fees, she would have never ever be able to come to Canada and get married. My husband organized surprise birthday party for my brother's birthday when we first visited Canada. Reasons why my parents doesn't like my husband- my family doesn't like those who drink and my husband drinks alcohol. He is not addicted and drinks occasionally. But when he drinks, he drinks 3-4 peg of whisky. My parents disapproved this

2. When we moved to Canada, we stayed with our grandparents for a while (two months). After two weeks my grandparents wanted my husband to work for survival jobs. My husband didn't want to do that and wanted himself to give a fair chance to see if he can get a job according to his credentials. This was disapproved by my grandparents and my husband and I started getting into arguments which were witnessed by my brother. My husband did get his job in a three weeks and our arguments went away, but my brother was like I don't like a man who argues with my sister.tried to explain to him that it's common in husband and wife.

3. My husband never wanted my parents to run after him, but whose I laws call their son in law by "oye, Tu Kya kar raha hai?" "Tujhe brain ki kami hai etc" etc....

4. After my parents left home, no body texted me. They texted me on my birthday. A standard "happy birthday" by my mom whom I didn't reply. I replied my father's text saying I was hoping a phone call and I got call from my sister saying that I'm pissing them off and they love me coz I'm their first born but do t want to keep any relationship with me.

5. My husband said he was calling 911 not cops. By 911 meant emergency because my mother is diabetic for two days she didn't eat anything, not a single meal...my husband didn't know this and when he came to know, he lost his patience. He was shocked and wanted to end this Cold War. He said he won't be responsible for my mother's health if anything happens to her coz of her attitude. My father gave us $10 for the meals in our house. That was an insult to us. I didn't stop my mom from going because my brother and sister told me that they have booked their flights and taxi was in front of my house. I was told about this next day early morning at 7am that they are leaving in 30 minutes. When I tried to speak to my mother, her response was "please don't send us to jail, my son has booked our tickets".

6. Inviting my brother - we have invited him several times..when he moved to our city, my husband decorated our basement suite with smart tv and reclining, bed for him only that he will come and stay with us during the weekends. My husband offered him to drive to his workplace etc, but my brother never regarded that. When he wanted to file tax, that's the only time he would visit me and stay overnight...(my husband is accountant)..

7. I don't even feel like talking or seeing my mother's face. Reason: she forced me into marriage when I was 18. On my face she was like I want u to study and when some marriage proposal would come, she would force me to see the guy. I wasn't interested as I wanted to study, and she would go on fasting, not talking to me, emotional blackmailing me..I felt like she wants me out of my house. When I graduated, she told me on my face that she won't keep in her house as soon as I hit 23. I soon raised my hands coz of this constant bullying and got married when I was 23. Same for my sister. My mother was so much crazy to get my 19 year old sister married to a 31 year old doctor in London, Ontario. My sister got married in Canada when she was 21. Luckily we found a guy and this only happened coz my husband gave the money for her studies in Canada. Though my parents had returned the money. Had he no helped her, she would have never been able to visit Canada as my parents had invested all their money for my brothers education in Canada. They only paid my sister's one semester fees, rest was paid by my sister's husband.

8. My in laws couldn't visit us because they live in Kenya and there are no direct flights. My mother in law usually bleeds a lot and as has her operation scheduled to remove her ovaries so that her bleeding stops.

Any others questions u have in ur mind?! I think I have answered in detail as much as I can...

Moreover I had issues with my mother and not with my father..my father used to be in touch me with me all the time until he visited my sister's house and never cared to call me and wish me my birthday in person.

 

I didn't call my mother. I was always never interested and feared something like this would happen but my parents got super excited and started shopping for my baby and told me they will be visiting me. Before I was even pregnant my mother indicated me that she won't visit me but will visit my sister as I have a MIL and my sister doesn't. I was all prepared for my husband to take parental leave for atleast 4 weeks, had found a day care for my son when he will be around 10 months and everything was set up..until my mother herself said she will be visiting me. Her motive was to visit me, then stay with my brother.

If my father was so much into my mother's respect., he would have left calling me or messaging me after he left me. But instead he was in contact with me for a month until he went to my sister's house. This is called hypocrisy because he was all like yeah my mother is wrong and he will try explaining her..

And those who ask why I'm feeling so bad that they have left me..I never wanted a maid or somebody to help me during delivery...if I wanted my parents was because of the joyous moments of my son's birth..what kind of grandparents call their grandson inauspicious. Yeah it's true I miss them..yeah it's true I want to reconnect with them..yeah it's true I want to forgive them and move forward..but my stick is stuck only at that moment when they left my home and lied that they were gng to airport but they were actually in a hotel a kilometre away from my home..