Why have kids in Unhappy marriages?

A belief that things would get better, I suppose. That seems to be the main advice that most "elders" give - once you have a child he/ she will change... Sigh!

 

Maybe by the time someone realize that marriage ain't gonna work for them for real, they might have had the child already.

 

when 2 different person start their life together it takes few years to understand each other but the extended family and society will not wait. They start itch the couple. No matter you have good or bad relationship. Thats the fact.

 

In some not so happy marriages a child may be the only source of happiness and a bond that keeps two people together. Some people do want to endure such a married life as other options may not be feasible or appear less appealing compared to a less happy marriage, and in these situations having a child makes it bearable.

 

Hi,

I too would like to add my statement in this conversation. I am married now for a year.
I too feel the same as grihani. Kids are the god's gift who needs to be loved,cared. Making the "child" only as the reason for in "marraige", is the sick thing.

At times, i ask myself, am i ready for kids? Not sure of the answer, i ask myself again, if i m gonna start a project or kind of thing with my hubby, do i trust him, that he gives his 100% or are we going to coordinate things for the rest of the future? once the kids are born, its not anymore, the "me". The "me" includes me-40% and kid 60%, until they are grownups.

Personally, as a daughter, brought up in male dominated society, i feel , i was looked more like the responsbility rather than a person from my family. I saw ppl having their kid by their first marraige anniversary, though, it was arranged marriage. I wonder, when you have known the person for not even 6 months , how parents are going to raise their kid without any proper understanding in between them.

when ppl think that the kids are the only solution for being in marriage, then there are surely might be the situations when we are in extreme troubles or pain or hurt because of marraige and take out that frustration on kid. Because the kid is the both: positive factor that we are still in marraige and kid is also the negative factor that we are supposed to be in pain.

 

I think its more to do with social convention to have kids once you are married. I remember talking to one of my friend who had constant issues with her wife and she was expecting and h used to say that I will leave her once she delivers (it didn't happen though). I asked him same question why did you people planned for kids when your issues are not sorted out and he said that our parents are pressurizing us to have kids :bang

I was stunned for a minute that how they can be so immature and having a baby still. Anyways they are still together and I dont know what happened to their conflicts.

 

I think the focus shifts to kids when we have one...
Love changes to different forms and shapes..a couple might not have same kind of love that they have in their first year of marriage. it fades to some extent. That is good, because we can't expect surrounding things\society\friends to be same forever. Having kids re-ignites the love in a different form and life goes on..otherwise, it would be so boring to be monotonous.
I believe our parents would not have thought\planned as much when they wanted kids and most of us grew up fine.

 

@chandusmiles So foreigners does not respect India Men ??? Why is this respect to Indian Marriage/culture confined to only women?