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Why am I over-thinking?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by cheenu123, May 22, 2015.

  1. cheenu123

    cheenu123 Gold IL'ite

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    Though I understand that this is a petty issue, nevertheless, I am posting it here because sometimes, the petty issues lead to ugly fights.
    As posted recently, I am very religiously following a diet and medication schedule for battling PCOS. Because of this, I don’t eat any junk/outside food, though, once in a while, my dietitian has allowed me to have a Subway salad/sub. Yesterday, I texted my DH from office that I want to have a sub for dinner and he promptly replied, “sure”. Now, I actually meant that both of us will dine outside as DH returned from an onsite project a few days back and we have been planning to eat out and most importantly, he loves subway salads and I thought that either both of us would be going out or we will be ordering once I reach home. Now, when I reached home, my DH said, please let me know which sub you want to have so that I can go and get it packed? I said I will have a veg one and what about you? He said you have sub and I will have home cooked daal (daal was prepared by MIL).
    I said why do you want to have daal? He said because when you texted from office, at that time, mom had already cooked daal for me (because me and MIL don’t have dinner, we usually have soups/fruits). Now, I would have let it pass had DH really cared to have home cooked food always which is never the case/ if he had some health issue for which he wanted to avoid outside food which was not the case/ had he been very particular that now since the dinner has already been cooked, lets have food at home only. None of these cases actually. On the contrary, if he wants to eat something special, irrespective of the fact that already a daal, sabzi have been cooked, he will order what he wants to eat, though, telling me to use this daal/sabzi for the next day, to avoid any wastage.
    I was totally turned off when he said that he will have daal roti since his mom had already cooked. I dint say anything because I dint want to create any stress. However, after a few minutes of being silent, I don’t know what happened to my DH suddenly and he came asked me again, which sub do you want to have? I said lets eat daal roti and we will have sub during weekend. He said no no, I also want to have sub, lets go na.. I dint want to eat sub by then because I just dint like the whole scene of firstly his refusing to eat sub which he loves, and most importantly because his mom had already cooked daal. After sometime we quietly ate daal roti and no discussion regarding this matter.
    I know this is not something to be stressed out about but I really dint like my DH’s attitude. With great efforts, we both try bridging our differences but incidents like these are dampeners because I fail to comprehend what kind of thought process my DH has during these episodes. Does he think his mom will be hurt if he ate outside food? But how could it be because he eats outside food when he wants to have. Does he think that his mom will be hurt if he gave his wife company in eating outside food when he shouldn’t have because his beloved mom cooked for him?
    I know I am over-thinking/ stretching this matter in my mind but Iam helpless.
     
  2. SadMarried

    SadMarried Silver IL'ite

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    You are overthinking dear. I don't think that is something to stress about.

    If your MIL has already cooked , its obvious for your hubby to not want to hurt his mum , but he still asked you what you wanted , he respected your desire. and later on he also offered to eat sub , may be he thought you didnt like when he wanted to eat daal prepared by his mum. so said that to make you happy. so dont stress about such small things. take it easy
     
  3. Rohanj

    Rohanj Gold IL'ite

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    About your query, if your husband might be thinking that he might hurt his mom by eating outside. My answers is yes, he might be thinking like that. Afterwards, he might have started feeling that you've got hurt. So he came back and tried to tell you to go and eat at subway. I think you've deduced his reaction accurately. It's ok, if this is once in a decade kind of behaviour. No need to get stressed about it.
    You're taking medication for PCOS. Then your medication might be including medicines that induces hormonal changes. Your too much thinking can also come from that medicines. I'm just guessing.
     
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  4. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear OP

    You are over analyzing things, and that is no good for a happy marriage life.

    Your H was ready to buy you what you asked for. He did not put you down or turned you off by citing your health reasons or whatever to reject the idea of subway food. But he was happily, and readily ok to buy them for you.

    Now, not everyone at everytime prefers restaurant or fast food. I am a fast food lover though. But at times, I feel like eating the left overs of the lunch instead of ordering something from outside. It depends on your mood, your stomach condition and everything.

    He preferred Dhaal + rotti combo, instead of Subway meal. But still he was ok to buy what you preferred and eat together with you.

    Giving dinner company often means, sitting together and eating. Not always eating the same stuff.

    Perhaps, he realized from your tone or action that you were not happy about him eating Dhaal cooked by his mom. So, to turn you on, he may have compromised his preference to go out to eat at subway. Had this man falls under "what my mom thinks" category, he wouldn't have done that.

    But sadly, you refused this.

    What if he chooses his mom's food over restaurant food? Is it a crime?
    Wouldn't you love to eat your mom's food?

    I would have taken your side, had this man refused to buy a Subway for you or refuse to eat together with you or more importantly refuse to understand your mood change. But he was all positive, and changed his plan for you.

    Some people really want problem, else they will make problem out of nothing.
     
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  5. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    c'mon OP..stop making life difficult for yourself.May be he wanted home cooked food at that moment but later on decided ...wth...let me also get something from outside.Then decided to stay home and eat ghar ka khana.....Don't turn food into something he has to tip toe about. I think here...he was being pretty accommodative of your wishes.
    cheer up and plan your next weekend eat out....
     
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  6. goldengirl826

    goldengirl826 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Cheenu,
    its true...you are over reacting. However our H sometimes push the wrong buttons without them realizing it. I suggest you forget this incident..be positive and remove all that negative thought. will just eat u up.
    I know what it is like...let me just share a small incident
    when i was newly married..my H had taken me out to a bakery shop in the evening around 7. We shared a small vanilla cake. Then asked him if I could have a sandwich. He replied "my mum will be hurt...if you eat all that. She prepared all the meal for us". what we had to eat was just the afternoon sabji and roti.
    I felt very bad and did not know how to react. Just got up and sat in the car.
    BTW this happened in his hometown. Now he understands that i prefer fastfood and buys it voluntarily.
    In simple words....try to be cheerful ...ignore all those silly stuff. It it good for your mind as well as your body
     
  7. mimmyme

    mimmyme Gold IL'ite

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    Hmmm..i think your are over-thinking....

    Your DH seems to be taking care of feelings of his Mom as well as you...beacuse he was ready to eat with you in some time...

    These things are normal and happens a lot during day-to-day life..

    So lets go with the flow and don't make yourself stressed.
     
  8. Rohanj

    Rohanj Gold IL'ite

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    You know, I still think that medicines you're taking might induce some emotional moments or some mood swings moments. I would like to give you the benefit of the doubt if that's the case.
     
  9. cheenu123

    cheenu123 Gold IL'ite

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    True!!

    I have been hopelessly inconsiderate and selfish.
    I am sorry and will try to act more mature!
     
  10. mimmyme

    mimmyme Gold IL'ite

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    Hey! Dont blame yourself......it happens dear...

    Be happy...:banana
     

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