Marriage about to end , confused and feel helpless

hi all ..I'm new to this forum . joined it in hope to find some useful advice.

I will try to summarize my married life. Been married for 10 yrs , married quite young, arrange marriage. came to UK after marriage. different ppl with difference in opinion we two have always been , but first few years of marriage have been good. Then some ups and downs throughout. We traveled together , supported each other in our education , bought house together. Even after so much pressure from family for baby , we decided to wait until we are fully settled and ready for baby. Once we tried , i had to go through few losses , heartbreaking time of my life. I got support from my hubby when that happened. support around the house but not really emotional support may be guys don't hang-around with problems same as we do and i went through that , so only i knew how hard it was.

fight we had in our married life mainly involved him blaming me i don't support him when he wants to help his family.Believe me i do. When we were going through financially hard times, he asked me to send my savings , then i said we don't have much to send , which he didn't like. Since then every-time he had to send money , he used to be rude to me and blame me i object his decision on helping his family. just to let you know , all his family used to do is ask him for money even if they had enough.and he used to think its his responsibility to fulfill their demand no matter how. his sisters asking to send iPhone , laptop , all expensive gifts when we didn't have enough ourselves, i used to get annoyed which he never liked and used to give me silent treatment for months if not days.

when i got pregnant , first 3 months were hard as we all know , he wanted to invite his sister and family to UK to visit London and other cities. Because i was not in condition to go out with ppl, i used to have no energy to do anything being pregnant , cudnt cook , cudnt eat , hardly managing o go to work, i suggested to may be that wasn't good time to invite his sister , we can invite them in summer . But he took that wrong way and again didn't speak to me for 3 months and also told his sister i said no to them coming here.

best thing happened in my life i gave birth to my son after so much pregnancy struggle. my parents came to uk to look after me n my baby. he asked to send money to his family again in 6th day post birth , i suggested as we dont have much at the moment , may be we should send it after few months as we were planning to go back home ourselves which he took negatively as always and started giving me hard time, like silent treatment and all that. my parents noticed that and felt bad. he used to shout and fight all the time . we went to back home after 6 months. he treated me the worst their , he told bad things abt me to his family , sisters ..used to fight all the time , made me feel i didnt exist in front of all, used swear words ..he even told me he was waiting to go there to take revenge. i said enough is enough , he said he doesnt want to be with me in front of his family n parents. i felt trapped n useless in his house. then he returned to uk after a month , i stayed with my parents for 2 more months. we only spoke few times in 2 months about baby. he told me he is happy without me, there is peace and no fight just to hurt me.

regardless of what happened i came back to UK. i thought he would be sry for what he did backhome , but he wasnt. i thought i will start over and be nice and wil never say a word if he wants to spend anything to his family. and hope he will treat me fair. new years eve we said that and promised to give 2015 a good try.

all was ok in 2015 apart from few outburts from his side. april this year , his mum came to uk, to look after my baby so i could go back to work. that was it , the day she entered the house , he has started treating me same. no respect , silent treatment, talking to me rude in front of her. we had big fight one day ..and he said separation is only way to go...i agreed ..then i hold back and said we are fighting for nothing , lets give it one last chance and be nice to each other. which we were for few days until this weeekend when he screamed at me in front of neighbour. i asked him thats it. i want to seprate ,i sent him text as i cant talk to him him without being rude and loud. he said ok , he said he also thinks separation is only the way to go.. we were sleeping in same bed until then , i asked him to sleep separately. he has moved to box room . im waiting him to take action with separation , but looks like he is comfortable with arrangement us not talking and sleeping separately.his mum supports him in his wrongdoing and talks to me rude time to time. I cant avoid talking to his mum . but her being rude is very harsh...im so stressed with all this. i cant sleep at night , concentrate at work.tired of living loveless , helpless life. I want to be out of this relation .I shared this with my sister. She advice me not to talk to them and stay in separate room , but not separate for now. What do i do ?

sry for long post.

 

thanks for reply joyoflife.

my hubby has asked me about separation so many times in past , i ws the on e who used to think about freinds , family , society and baby now. so i used to request him to forgive me no matter who fault it used to be. He has started taking me for granted.

this is first time im asking for it as im very stressed and mentally weak. i also m thinking about trail separation but he once said no point having separation , best is to get divorce. i dont want divorce as i think its not good for baby , i think he just needs to be away from me to realize what has he done wrong.

good thing is Im independent. I have good job. baby to die for ..just i want stable mind and normal life

 

thanks for your reply yellow mango..here in UK childcare is expensive and also i wanted to wait for my baby to be at least 2 yrs before sending him to childcare ..but dont think i can wait even for him to be 2 yrs old.i feel very stressed to be together. I dont want divorce for baby's sake..but mental health and happiness is very important . i feel, life is too short for all this stress. I think staying apart he could see his wrong doings , he has been threatening me about divorce ..may be i also want that ..not really sure..but i want to be happy for sure..

we did get third party involved , not marriage Councillor though.

you are right i shouldn't use the word until i absolutely want it. which sometimes i think i do , sometimes i fear what if .