Is this Acceptable? Or just me making fuss?Help please

purplyflower · Apr 30, 2015

Hi All ,

I am married an year ago, arranged marriage where he himself approached us through friends, that time I am busy planning carrier and no thoughts to marry,i have to go for visa interview in a week I was fully in those preps, Then my dad called and told they are willing to marry you,they are saying he is very good guy who is working in america, everybody bought a kind of pressure on me, i dropped visa interview and said YES, but I am not so happy about it and somewhere I felt bad but thought my parents know whats good, I am actually kind of reserved, I like be silent most of the time, though I like a lot wont jump in joy,THATS ME

Now coming to the guy,over expressive he wants every body around him keep on talking, Then marriage over, first day I said him my plans and how suddenly I got married and give some time(untill I go USA in a month),That's when MIL and SIL gave entry, he said every thing to them , they started talking in directly , said H is more handsome than me and all, I am silent my MIL warned me that I have no life with out his son, still I am silent and went to US, I said him what all happened, he supported his mom, H actually good guy, loves me but if it comes b/w me and MIL ,defnetly he votes for MIL, he gets angry if I try to talk, more over he says everything to MIL, constant involvement, H under full influence of MIL, once we fought he called FIL shouted on me I thought he is going way too far, so left him and stayed with friends, The realized how much I love him and cant stay apart, decided to be silent when he is angry,so called him he took me back home, so we decided to keep in-laws away during fights, and we are good for 3 months

Last month I came India to learn technology, I stayed with my parents, he said to go see in laws , I went first day she is so good , I felt happy and next day she started saying he raised his son very well he is so good and now he is suffering because of me, I felt so bad , also claimed never ever say home sick , being a lady bow down your head, not even to think to step out of home as I face severe consequences if I do so, also said never say my son asked your family, we have status just because your father asked we came down and married me(H said my dad called because he is afraid to say he asked), my FIL added that my dad didn't raise me properly and there will be no personal matters at all b/w me and H, also I should not ask him salary details and property, I am shocked and called my H and cried my heart out, initially he is so good said to leave to my home and he will handle the situation ,

2 days later he called and said my parents are upset we all need to talk , MIL said I started the fight, this proves how much he believes me, I said good come with your parents we shall talk, then he is like you are making this issue big, go ahead make it big ... that means I should not say to my parents

Now how can I believe him? He will easily beinfluenced by MIL,
Is it really my dad's fault to say both genders are equal and girl to be independent

Now after all this what should I do ?? please advice

catwalk · Apr 30, 2015

Its a difficult situation to handle.

- Stay away from people who hurt your pride / emotions. You can convey the same message to your DH. Tell him not to force you for anything.

- Do not argue or try to prove to someone that they are wrong / you are right.
Just ignore such people and stay away from arguments.

- Talk only facts.

yellowmango · Apr 30, 2015

Next time fil talks nonsense about your relationship with husband....tell him not to interfere in husband wife issue.

If mil talks nonsense....tell her..please don't talk to me like this in a firm voice and refuse to be a part of her monologue.

Sparkle · Apr 30, 2015

@purplyflower:

Your silence is taken for granted by your in laws. Sounds like your FIL and MIL are the ones making fuss. You dropped your visa interview and career for your husband, that is something your husband should remember.

Him lying to his parents about not approaching your family and instead your father called is something that should be clarified by your husband first. He lied, his parents are basing everything out on that lie. If not, this will be carried forward like forever.

If possible have a open talk with everyone including your parents to sort things out. Lastly, if your in laws bug you further with silly advices like bowing your head down or that you shouldn't leave home, ignore them and ask them to back off.

purplyflower · May 3, 2015

Thanks All , but do I have to deal with constant involvement for long time ? Though my equation is good with DH these involvements are ruining us

vaidehi71 · May 3, 2015

Hi,
Your inlaws intrusion is similar in a lots of marriages. I would advise from experience do not argue whilst you are away from your dh. Just make sure that u let ur dh know that u are upset and maintain silence as u always with in laws. there is a possibility that in laws always twist whatever u talk to them.deal with ur insecurites and issues directly to dh, when you go to US. Seems like ur dh likes u but gets swayed when in laws cry or make a scene. You can near yr dh only when u are with him. finish ur course and go to him. Be patient until that time.