Should I stay or go

struggler0707 · Apr 27, 2015

ladies pls help, am in troubled situation

I made a deciison by returning to India for getting married(It is a second marriage). My dad committed suicide recently becuase of financial troubles which we came to know after his death. It's unfortunate people around me, including inlaws started treating differently me, who used to respect me a lot. Now, I have a european permanent residence, have to return by the end of may if not then I will loose my PR. I am not sure after going there I will be able to find a Job and how long does it take to get one. I had to stop my studies in between and not sure whether I can continue again there. Now even after completing masters, am not confident of getting a job in India here, I lost all of my confidence, I am so scared of stepping out in India all alone. I was very outgoing, confident before when I was in abroad but not anymore even my husband is surprised of my attitude, am not able to take enough care of myself.

Being independent girl, I feel suffocated living dependent on my husband even for buying groceries. The money my DH is just enough for our survival, If I would like to buy something extra, then we will have a fight if I talk about it, I had lot of savings which I spent for the marriage and gave loan for my DH and father. I am not left with a single penny in hand. I used to have lot of money, used to give lot of gifts to everyone before I was earning, now I feel so bad abt it. I feel like living alone, earning money for myself, I feel like am tied up here.

I lived abroad for 7 years, I left everything for this marriage but after loosing my dad it feels so depressing, and being only child am unable to leave my mom .

Should I give priority about myself and go to maintain my Permanent residence, leaving behind husband and MOM. Husband is not so interested in letting me to go, he is saying what will I do there, how long does it take to find a JOB, My DH is 35 and am 32..Inlaws and MOM are always back of us for kids..I feel pressurised for all these, I lost interest in everything..:-(

Metamorphic · Apr 27, 2015

struggler0707 said: ↑

I feel pressurised for all these,
Click to expand...

Well, obviously ... if you are trying to address all the problems at once - your independence, permanent residence, responsibility of your mother, kids ....

Calm down! List out all that is bugging you. After analyzing the pros and cons, prioritize as to which one needs immediate action and which can be delayed/ignored all together. Finally take a call.

Sometimes everything seems important. In such cases, you have to see which is relatively important ..

catwalk · Apr 27, 2015

Family is the most important thing in everyone's life. But to have a happy and stable family life, we require a stable career. In OP's case, first priority is to
retain the PR abroad. These days it is not at all easy to get PR/Citizenship in developed countries. People spend huge sums to get job abroad. So If you
already have a PR in a developed country, it is better to retain it by returning to
that country. Usually it takes less than a year to get job in the area which we preferred. Until you get the right job, you can work part time in other small jobs to meet your expenses. Women are well protected in developed countries. So your
safety is assured.

Convince your husband and other family members. You go for the benefit of entire family. If you get a stable job, you can take DH, your mother and children as well.

struggler0707 · Apr 28, 2015

Thankyou Metamorphic and catwalk for prompt reply.

The problem here is, my incapabaility of taking decisions.

After dad's death, I had lost lot of confidence and also because of am not independent.

I am scared of leaving behind my husband, I can't trust my inlaws they started to behave wierd immediately after dad's demise. I am worried how this long distance relationship is going to work. My DH gets easily influenced by his mother's words. The whole home setup I made, will be scattered now and DH has to move either to inlaws house or PG hostel. DH has a drinking habit before marriage and roaming with friends who doesn't have a proper goal in life.

Another thing is, am scared of living in abroad and starting life all over again with zero money in hand.

and my age of 33 for conceiving kids...

Whatever studies I did and work in abroad doesn't have any related jobs over here in India unfortunately, It's like I have to start my career from scratch which my ego is not at allowing.

Most important thing is my DH is showing least interested in having sex with me. We hardly had any sex from last 6 months. I understood partly because of dad's death but I feel so bad and irritated asking again n again which also keeps my confidence low that may be not attractive to him.

:-(

Iamagoodgirl · Apr 28, 2015

OP let your ego go.
Your confidence is down because your dad was part of your support system.You need to go out and start looking for jobs now.You say you are from EU.You can act as a translator.If you are fluent in english,with little training you can work at call center.

Looking at your situation thats your best option.Going EU back with no money in hand is not good option.Do you have nay gold,jewllery which you can sell and raise money to manage situation temporarily?If you have internet at home you can earn residual income by doing survey,essay etc.