How to deal with all time tempered husband?

OP,

Some of the things could be your imagination as it will upset him/make him feel irritated? If so, let him be and that is his personality. You cannot make him happy, if he decided to pick on "things" . You are doing your best with a growing toddler. Don't explain any more.

To be honest, your ILs should manage the servants or your DH should give instructions to the maid, directly. The maids will quit regardless of how much you pay, if he is this demanding and then, only he will understand.

Learned to speak up, your work is also important to you.

Take time off to visit your parents/siblings to relax yourself with the the baby few times a month. Then only your DH will understand, managing household with a maid is NOT an easy task. Giving away or spending money will not bring same quality as the personal care of wife. You need to show your importance in his life.

 

Reesha- Even a golden cage is a cage. So no matter how well your husband earns or how much he satisfies your "costly wishes" if he cannot give you basic things like respect and courtesy, is all that money even worth it? Only you can determine that.

You are an educated woman and you know your husband treats you very shabily. Not just that, he actaully slaps you in arguments. You are suffering from physical, verbal and emotional abuse in this marriage. How can you call your husband a man of good character is beyond me. I read you post and saw only bad habits - no reedeeming ones but you say he has no bad habits.

Bad habit - physical, verbal and emotional abuse towards wife and by extention child.
Bad habit- lack of respect or even common decency towards wife
Bad habit - irrational anger and false sense of superiority
Bad habit- no responsibility towards wife,child or home except earning.
Bad habit- domineering and controlling.

Those are some deal breaking bad habits. In your husband's eyes, nothing you do is worth anything.

I am not sure how to deal with such a guy except to call his bluff and tell him in no uncertain terms that you are not his slave but his equal partner in life. If he wants his parents to be treated as king and queen, he can treat them as such but not to have same expectation from you unless he is treatig your as king and queen too. You need to demand that he participate in responsibilities towards home equally and you are not his puppet to dance to his tune.

If you dont assert yourself, you will have no choice but to continue with status quo.

 

I think he has the right to get tasty food..no matter what you to do...try to grant this wish..it might make things better..typical Indian mentality.

My H is like that..he is a foodie and likes good food...
the day when the food is tasteless, he goes into a bad state..as he doesn't want to point out...but the frustration comes in another format..

 

If you want to have tasty food you can go to the kitchen and prepare the food to your liking. Or instruct the cook how to prepare. Throwing tantrums because you are too lazy and spoiled is not right.

(Btw, do not run after the baby to feed her/him. Have the child sit down with you for the meals)

 

Reesha,


for your second point,
Tell ur in-laws that ur hubby thinks I am telling u to do things, but for u also it is tough right, sitting for hours/watching TV, u also want to do your grandson chores etc and make them to tell something similar to below to ur husband.

Don't your in-laws tell your husband that
"they are getting bored without doing anything, so helping some household chores, at least they can say they need exercise, without doing anything and sitting for hours is not good for them at this age, it is more harm than good, as long as they keep them busy, their bodies will be without disease. For diabetics it is more necessary, moving around is good".

For third point,
Assign baby job one day for him, and you go somewhere whole day time and let them manage the baby without maid also. Then ur hubby should know what it takes to take care of a toddler and parallelly doing household chores and cooking. And u after coming ask ur hubby to entertain you (like take u somewhere like movie, or take u to dinner, anyway baby sleeping give baby to in-laws), tell today I want to enjoy. select the day like ur b'day , so he will be like What ? then he may understand what u go though everyday.

For other points, If they want to be kind/queen/owner let them be. But you also queen and mother too, so Raj matha, something more than them. You feel like that from inside then it will show outside too. Please don't feel ur self as servant, as you are not.

For first point, I want to write it last,

Do some research on healthy meals, like biryani with one spoon oil. You can use oven (not micro oven) and do that.
Like soft pulkas how to do, may be roll all pulkas in soft cloth and in hot box like that.

Looks like he is health conscious, so keep few minutes time and read something online everyday and implement. Tell your cook to do some healthy ladoos like dry fruit ladoo and some kurmura etc and store them in dabaas. He will be happy. as it is tasty and healthy too. Every week something new.

At the end, with toddler it is going be more tougher, around 18 months it is going be crazy. So let ur husband involve in ur baby's activities. I have 2 year old super active son.

 

I am sorry but in no way i feel your hubby has any good quality.Just because he is earning and you are not doesnt make you his slave.I cant imagine how you are managing everything when you have no help literally.The work has to be divided like if you are making breakfast your inlaws can help with other sil with lunch ,and then you can manage the dinner.Ur husband seems to take you for granted while he has great respect for his parents and bro/sil.You have got married to him ,and in marriage both are equal.No way is your hubby superior to you just because he is working.
You need to step up and say no bluntly.If they are so shameless in not offering help,you should ask for help.Do this in a very tactical way.Complain of not being well and spend few days on bed with the baby in your bedroom.Let them learn the hard way.Dont do anything at all.When they get hungry they will have to move their butt into the kitchen.Before this ensure you do have enuf for you and the baby.Probably since the baby is old enuf,you can try babystuff like cerelac ,this wouldnt take time to prepare.For yourself make some masala puris or chapatis enuf to survive for 2-3 days.
Next thing what you need to do is,since i am sure they wouldnt bother to cook for you,say to your husband that you were unwell and no one bought you any food,so you are going to your parents place so that they can take care of you.Ensure you stay at your parents place at least for a week.Let these selfish people learn a good lesson.I know all these are pretty manipulative steps,but trust me such people will learn only then.
Good luck ahead!!!

 

Tell your husband, "Its a home, not a hotel where people pay and gets tasty food in front/ them". Each family member needs to contribute to the household.

 

But OP's H is giving her all the liberty to either cook or hire a maid and even ready to pay for maid...still if he doesn't get good food..he will def get frustrated.
In some houses, it is better if H doesn't enter the kitchen when in-laws as there, as it might take away the peace that the wife has due to constant nagging from them.

 

What a generous husband! Giving the liberty to his wife to either cook or have the cook do it. Husband of the year?