1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

husband drinking habit.. how to change him..

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by breeze01, Apr 25, 2015.

  1. breeze01

    breeze01 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,810
    Likes Received:
    1,247
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    As the weekend is here i am glad i will be home taking care of my son and can stay
    with my husband for a while i just want to go here and there have good times but all my plans
    goes in vain as the saturday,sunday evening approach.. he has plans on going out and getting can of beer or whatever he likes.. its not problem if they drink it in a room and be quiet but they will be drinking where kids are surrounded by which i am totally against it... i dont want to be telling him the same thing over and over every couple of days.drinking how many times in a day is social drinker... i feel so bad to say that as my dad, my brother (he somtimes goes in room and drink,which is fine) what all they do on the weekend is this and i dont home to be like that.. i dont know how it all works in your home or in your families but right now i just need suggestions/advices to change the things around...

    i dont want to be nagging wife to my husband but i dont want him to be continuing like this as habits changes into addiction. his dad was also alcoholic i dont know this before wedding (its too late to know,before wedding when i ask him he said he dont have drinking habit,for which i was happy) .. with this habits my weekend is messing up alot... monday morning i come to work in a very bad mood... i need some ideas, suggestions to work out this things.please help meeeeeeeeeeeee...
     
    Loading...

  2. lifebliss

    lifebliss Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    30
    Likes Received:
    57
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    My husband has drinking habit too. he will drink any day, on days he doesn't drink, he is extremely the greatest husband. I ran out of all techniques to stop him from drinking. and I realized that I was wasting my energy trying to change him. they wont change. my dh told me that if he decided to change he will change overnight his decades of habit, its that he haven't made up his mind to change. Once there was an occasion in our community. he didnt drink straight for 1 month... so its totally up to them to change or not.
    Its pathetic when u said ur dh drinks inside home when kids around. well set small rules - like he can only drink in garage/ he cant bring drinks inside home period/he cant buy all drinks at one time/ he has to go to shop for every drink/he has to drink alone/ he cant talk in phone with anybody while drinking or bring friends becoz that will trigger to drink more.
    As a wife, its super tough... the more nagging we are, the more worse they get. Read online the AA anonymous where they give tips for spouse how to deal with situations. you completely act like his actions did not bother you and carry on daily activities. slowly u will see difference. there is a time for every change. it will happen.
     
  3. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,421
    Likes Received:
    3,184
    Trophy Points:
    335
    Gender:
    Female
    You will need professional help, counselling etc for it stop. You alone advising is not going to help. Talk to the relevant professional help ( drug and alcohol ) over the there.
     
  4. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,786
    Likes Received:
    7,303
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    It concerns me that your husband's father was an alcoholic. However, how much does your husband drink? Does he drink all by himself or with a bunch of family/ friends? How does he behave once he has had a few drinks?

    I'm not sure what you can do to stop him drinking but to me it seems like it is safer for him drinking with trusted company at home in your presence rather than hide away. Presence of kids will help with a bit of restraint I would think.

    It could be a matter of culture. Just to share my story, we are a group of families who get together nearly every weekend and sometimes on weekdays. At home or in a restaurant. There usually is alcohol; some men and women drink. Not so much that we are falling over or behaving wildly.

    Kids are around too; when they ask what it is, they are told what it is and also, that they could try it out once they are an adult. If say, colourful cocktails are floating around, we make sure there are similarly alluring looking mocktails for the kids. They accept it just fine.

    For a couple of weekends see if you can put a pin on this particular aspect and have a good family time. Go out with your family during the day; go to the park, zoo, farm; have a fun day out. If your husband opens a can of beer look past it, sit with him and make plans to the next day or next week or book a holiday. Once you learn to look past it, you'd be able to figure out how to tackle this issue better.
     
    3 people like this.
  5. catwalk

    catwalk Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    339
    Likes Received:
    321
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    I am against drinking at home, in the presence of kids..But in some communities, it is accepted... Some even interpreting as high social status..:)..Some of my relatives, who are highly educated and well off , even started a Bar counter at a recent wedding ceremony. ( for previous day evening party ) ..I really feel ashamed and pity on them...( For the majority of our family / friends / community, it is a not a familiar thing )

    I am against daily drinking too. If someone can't avoid drinking, that means he is addicted to it. It will lead to really more complication and eventually the failure of personal / professional life. Everyone must avoid that.

    I can't give any tips, as I am also in the same boat. It's not as worse as in OP's case. My DH drinks ''frequently'' ( not yet daily ), but mostly not from home. He profession has clear role in it. But during weekends, he drinks at home and sometimes offer me too. He is slightly aggressive after drunk. I have less control on him.
     
  6. breeze01

    breeze01 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,810
    Likes Received:
    1,247
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    hi, thanks for quick reply.. eventhou i cant make him stop atonce but i guess i can set some rules like just getting one at a time and not drinking before kids and no talking after that..the max he will have is 2 cans but still once in a while okay.. every week or twice in a week is not good i guess... this weekend is a good weekend we dont have any incidents related to drinking.. thank god.......
     
  7. breeze01

    breeze01 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,810
    Likes Received:
    1,247
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    professional help...i dont think indian men ego let them take help or let them go for counselling... i didnt talk to him about this yet...
     
  8. breeze01

    breeze01 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,810
    Likes Received:
    1,247
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    hi, his other brother is very alcoholic..usually he drink one or 2 can at a time... he drinks with my bro watching tv or games... sometime he just have some in the room itself.. i dont mind that.. what i suggest him is be quiet or just go to sleep after that.. sometimes it work other time he will be bothering me saying things which i dont want to hear about that hurts.. i know that he is in different state of mind but still i cant forget what all he talk that time.. this is the main problem..

    being around kids might have pros and cons too i guess..

    if both parents are on one word then it can work out how they handle kids and what they tell the kids about alcohol..he has entirely different opinion about that than mine..

    yes we do go out to park and have fun there... thatswhen after coming if he like to have some i just pass it on but i dont want him to have alot till he falls to sleep. i guess i need to learn how to let it go once in a while... lets see how it works... thanks alot for your suggestion...
     
  9. breeze01

    breeze01 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,810
    Likes Received:
    1,247
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    hi, these days its became a fashion to drink if not you are little less than them. my husband also dont drink daily...but the way they behave after drink is what i am worried about... he have it only on weekends or on his off days... me to have less control on him after all this...we are in same boat more or less...
     

Share This Page