How to handle finances?

We used to share the household costs in the proportion of our salaries. I earned about 2/3 of what my DH did so he took care for about 2/3 of the costs and me the rest. We did not divide so exactly. In the beginning we had separate accounts, he paid the housing (mortgage, utilities), I paid some other bills. Groceries both of us paid depending who went to the store. Later we had three accounts, one joint and both personal accounts. We put into the joint account an agreed sum and all household costs were paid from that account.

Household chores were divided according to our schedule. I worked a little bit less hours so did slightly more.

 

We used to share household expenses, savings, investments, loan and also the household chores such as cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, bill payments and also child stuff including diaper changes, putting them to sleep, teaching +home works, dropping them at School etc..etc.. together as per our capacity, availability and willingness.

There is no hard and fast rule as to who does what, but it depends on who can do what, when and how.

 

Dear OP,

You seem to be confused and dis oriented due to your new lifestyle. Even ours was love marriage and as my DH worked out of India, i lost all my friends and relatives. Felt so exhausted about being alone in a new country. In the beginning my DH didn't used to help me out in any thing, even he used to leave his plate after lunch or dinner. For some months i managed it but later my patience went to zoo and i blasted.

I told him many things and after a while made him understand that we need to distribute our works according to the situation, Even if we are not willing to do we have to because its our house. I explained him living with wife is not same as you live with your mom. With mom they can get pampered like anything. The same goes with me too.

My DH was understanding in this matter and we divide our work with mutual understanding since that day.

Regarding finances, i earn only 40% of what he does, divide it accordingly... rent, loan, credit cards, grocery his exp... my son babysitting, my travel, our 2nd house loan, some bills etc my exp...

But remember OP there is no fix rules on anything... each family goes with their own rule and willingness..

You should have yours....

 

Make him aware of that his dutch colleagues are also sharing household chores equally with their wives

It is fair to share expenses (and household chores) when both are working.

 

Hi op, ur husband sure will understand ur willingness for financial freedom. So I would suggest share household expenses and save rest of ur salary for bigger investments like house buying for both of u, then he can pay 50 % or 70% or whatever suits for u both.

ur husband is asking to share expenses, it is not a bad thing, it is a fair thing, as long as shared properly. u see here that, some husbands are snaching wife's paycheck and buying property in his name or his parents name.

 

In ideal case, there should not be any barrier between husband and wife.
You share your happiness, emotions, assets, money, savings ..everything. There shouldn't be any counter. That's how it should be.

Now reality. It varies from couple to couple.

Some share everything without any barrier as in the ideal case.

There are many families where husband is the only earning member. Whole family is dependent upon his income.

In some other family both husband and wife working / earning but wife surrenders her income also to husband and he does the money management.

Many couples share the expenditures proportional to their income and save the balance in their own account for future needs.

In your case, sharing expenditure proportional to your income and save the balance in your own account is safe and more appropriate. You cannot generalize Dutch people. Until Marriage many couples share their expenses equally. They live together for many years ( some even after having children ). After marriage things would change. Even the legal rights would change. In many families, husband is the only earning member and they live happily. So do not drag Dutch public into your life.

Your DH seems to be money minded. ( In kerala, some communities are known for this ) So better keep separate savings accounts. Share expenditures proportional to your income. He should realize that he is not a bachelor anymore. You are also working like him. So household activities should be shared equally. Eg: Instead of gym, he can help you to clean the apartment.