Feeling lonely and helpless after the newborn

You may have post-partum depression. Visit a doc and ask also about your back problem.

Good that you have a routine but relax on the cooking/household chores. Sleep when the baby is sleeping so that you get enough of rest. Do you have friends in the area? Go out for walks with the baby, fresh air is good for both of you. Have you checked if there are any mom-baby group in your area?

 

In your other thread you had written that you cannot afford hiring help. If your parents had been here, there is going to be some extra expenses and you would have been prepared to accommodate that already. Divert that extra expenses for hiring some help.

 

Hugs to you dear. You have a lot on your plate. First of all talk to your doctor and tell him/ her about how low you are feeling. Ask for some counselling.

Sleep depravation brings out the worst in the best of us. Is your husband's sleep disturbed as well? Get him to attend a couple of sessions of counselling. So you can sort it out between the two of you.

When he nags, do not cry or follow what he says. Just firmly state, "stop nagging." And do your own thing. Every time he tries to bully you into something, calmly respond - you are going to have to do it if you want it done. I'm busy with the baby.

Mine did nothing but cry the first 8 months or so. She had various health issus. No sleep, nothing. I was always stressed and tensed. I would cry and the baby would pick up on the tension and be cranky the entire day too. My husband would come back home and summon me to various parts of the flat to interrogate me on why I didn't pick up what bit of paper or left the hand towel there or didn't wipe the kitchen sink. The most effective thing I did was, "stop nagging. If you find something amiss, fix it. I can only do it for when eventually when I get around to it." Or, "I'm glad you see that towel on the floor. Please put it back where it should be." Or any question about what I did the whole day, I'd sarcastically reply, "I sat back and watched TV the whole day/ had a girls party with lots of booze/ got my secret boyfriend over while your baby slept peacefully in the crib for 8 hours" It got rid of the nagging. If I were unwell, all I would do is state "I'm unwell and am going to bed. Bring me soup/ order food/ load the dishwasher" Direct him tondo what needs to be done instead of pleading for some respite. The attitude change takes practice but is entirely worth it.

My suggestion is don't be defensive. Also you could say some stock phrases up your sleeve like, "I'm trying my hardest here; I could do with more help." Or "stop kicking me when I'm already down." So when he accuses you of something, don't react to what he is saying or justify yourself. Turn it around on him; after all he is the one in the wrong here. Be polite and firm and jovial at all times. He should turn around.

 

You do not have public transportation or shops in a walking distance? It is important to go out and not stay indoor all the time as it makes things even worse. Babies tend also to sleep better if they get fresh air. You are both adapting to the change. Guesshoo gave good suggestions regarding the nagging. Is your husband getting enough of sleep? Sometimes it is good to take turns, the other parent sleep in another room so he gets a few nights with uninterrupted sleep. He can then on weekends take the "nightshift".

 

Shruti - you are not alone, this too shall pass, but not completely you will get glimpses of this every now & then. I'm telling this based on my experience with 2 daughters aged 12 & 4.5. I had a great support system while my first one was growing, becoming independent, I myself didnt have much work so had no expectation on my husband. For the sec.one, the mornings of weekdays become very nasty, dynamic, heated, war-like, I'll leave it for imagination. Luckily recently my sec.one has become increasingly attached to her dad and wants him to do everything from brushing, school drop-off till sleep. Still I volunteer to share with him sometimes....

So the moral of the story is just hang in there, u'll get more pleasant things to share with us and pass through these trying times very quickly. Your husband might be equally stressed as you are. Don't think abt ur parents lack of support and dont think you are victimised by everyone around you, you will be alright very quickly.

 

Op...hugs to you.
Is it possible that your husband is expecting the same that you are...appreciation.
You say he helps out a lot.....and lists out the work he does.
Don't wait for him to list out his work....appreciate him before that. It does wonders.Tell him he is the best husband.Tell him he is the best father. Tell him you are lucky to have someone like him who gives you both so much.....

Try to make him understand that this is a difficult time for both of you....but things will get better.Give him hope that things will change and this is not his life forever. Tell him you are waiting desperately to be fitter and better so you can do more at home. Hug him often...it is good for both of you.It brings down stress.