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Discussion in 'Married Life' started by goldengirl826, Apr 18, 2015.

  1. Apr 18, 2015 #1
    goldengirl826

    goldengirl826 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi all,
    here i am with another sob story...
    My h does not have a job for past 4 months. during this time we have been to his hometown(HT) for couple of months. and then we came to (city). 2 weeks bak he went to his HT and told he will b back within a week. he kept promising he will come tomorrow but that did not happen. then he said, he will come next Sunday. Now he asks me come to his hometown this saturday....
    PS: my parents recently shifted to this city and i am staying with them
    its not like i do not want to go to his hometown....but i am fed up.
    I am treated like a ball..go here go there..
    when i married him, he resigned his job and was jobless for 6 months... after he found it in the city , did not take me to the city for 6 months.
    in short after marriage
    6 months = no job
    6 months = with in laws (never expected)
    2 months = created scene to take me along with him and hence went to my mum;s place.
    6 months = materialistic issues
    2 months = got angry went to my mums place
    6 months = job problems
    now 4 months = no job
    do not have kids for past 3 years....
    I feel everyone is happy around me. they have a small job, small car, kids, small house....savings
    but my life there is no progress...
    I asked him if i can work but a big NOO (lots of drama related to it)
    MY husband is not interested in any job wants to be in his hometown and is more concerned about his parents, his brother, his grandmother etc. he did not mention that i have to be in his hometown in a joint family.
    I am fed up of life.....he is not interested in IUI, IVF etc
    Now what is the solution....i want to stay in this city along with my husband. he hates my parents and expects that my parents gift him and treat him like god.
    From my point of view....i feel is manipulative and cheap.
    My life and i feel extremely bad to be stuck in this life.
     
    goldengirl826, Apr 18, 2015
    goldengirl826, Apr 18, 2015
    #1
  2. Apr 18, 2015 #2
    Sparkle

    Sparkle Platinum IL'ite

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    @goldengirl826:

    First: do not bring a child into your relationship. When your husband doesn't want to work and is restricting you from working, how will you take care of a child?

    Start looking for jobs, accept help from your parents if any and start working. You have to look out for yourself. In 3 years if he exhibited such behavior, there is no hope that he will care for you in the future. (For better suggestions: Why did he quit his job after marriage? Did he mention about living as a joint family at his hometown before marriage?) Do not listen to him, just start working. If you have a job, you will not have time to visit his hometown as he demands you to.

    What is his parents take on his joblessness? Are they ok with this? (Is he planning to work at his hometown?) Not saying that he should work and support only you. But being jobless, expecting your parents to pay for him etc. is immoral.

    Just stay wherever you are and focus on yourself. If its possible, plan a trip to the hometown with your parents to resolve this issue.
     
    Sparkle, Apr 18, 2015
    Sparkle, Apr 18, 2015
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    4 people like this.
  3. Apr 18, 2015 #3
    goldengirl826

    goldengirl826 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Sparkle,
    thanks for that....he quit the job after out engagement and told us about it. My parents thought, since he is a Software engi he wil get a job within 2 months. that was not the case and we waited for 6 months.
    And his parents did ask me not to work after marriage, i was fine with it. But looking at the circumstances....i want to do work.
    Regarding his parents....his dad has small business in his hometown. His mother wants him to stay next to her...and she feels so happy about it.
    but that was not case...he said he will work for many years and then retire to his hometown. But never mentioned he wants me to be in joint family and i really hate it.
    yes i have decided to go next Saturday.....
    and i do want to express my thoughts
     
    goldengirl826, Apr 18, 2015
    goldengirl826, Apr 18, 2015
    #3
  4. Apr 18, 2015 #4
    CoolPie

    CoolPie Silver IL'ite

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    I think sparkle has posted what i thought. You have to look for a job seriously. If possible find him a job too and ask him to join that job.

    Or atleast he should do something in his hometown. May be a small business or agriculture, or some other that he is interested in.

    Above all, he should be interested to work in anything be it business or as an employee in a job. What does he do in the hometown ? Just wander and waste time? You should make him go through a counselling session.

    Never bring in a child in this situation.
     
    CoolPie, Apr 18, 2015
    CoolPie, Apr 18, 2015
    #4
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  5. Apr 18, 2015 #5
    goldengirl826

    goldengirl826 Bronze IL'ite

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    he wants to continue his dad's business but his dad wants to handover the business after his brother gets married.
    I know rite....sounds weird.yes this entire family is weird and they believe in luck....too much of luck. He does few small jobs for his dad. Therefore his parents are very happy that his son is there to help them daily activities.
     
    goldengirl826, Apr 18, 2015
    goldengirl826, Apr 18, 2015
    #5
  6. Apr 18, 2015 #6
    goldengirl826

    goldengirl826 Bronze IL'ite

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    Moreover my parents are supportive and they have given the option of getting separated from him.
    most of the time i think that is the best option.
    the only plus is he does not drink or smoke. three or four times has done verbal abuses.
    but apart from that, i have no mental peace at all in this marriage
     
    goldengirl826, Apr 18, 2015
    goldengirl826, Apr 18, 2015
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    4 people like this.
  7. Apr 18, 2015 #7
    goldengirl826

    goldengirl826 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Ladies,
    please do give me your opinion
     
    goldengirl826, Apr 18, 2015
    goldengirl826, Apr 18, 2015
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  8. Apr 18, 2015 #8
    Sparkle

    Sparkle Platinum IL'ite

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    You are already living in separation mode now - which you obviously do not like.
    Decide on what you want to do about working, staying in the city and not in a joint family and let your husband know about your decision. You can do this via phone as well, in the presence of your parents. (Record your conversation, in case there is a chance of him hurling abuses or threatening you). Based on his response/reaction you should take things further.
     
    Sparkle, Apr 18, 2015
    Sparkle, Apr 18, 2015
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    2 people like this.
  9. Apr 18, 2015 #9
    yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Why did your husband not marry a village girl if he wanted a housewife to live in native with his joint family?
    Ask him that.
     
    yellowmango, Apr 18, 2015
    yellowmango, Apr 18, 2015
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  10. Apr 19, 2015 #10
    sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    Try talking to ur dh along with ur parents in his home town . Open talk about ur feelings and concern is required.
     
    sindmani, Apr 19, 2015
    sindmani, Apr 19, 2015
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