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cant make up my mind.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by surekhap, Mar 27, 2015.

  1. surekhap

    surekhap Platinum IL'ite

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    hi,
    here i want to discusse a personal problem.

    i am educated holding two degrees.

    i got married at the age of 23. only one request at the time of marriage was i like to work even after marriage.
    he agreed for that.
    but after marriage he is saying that situations are not allowing him to keep up his promise.
    now we completed 9 years of our married life.
    still the same reply.
    iam all alone sitting and watching tv serials. i dont like this life. i want to come out and do a job.
    i cant convince my DH
    but one thing he cares for me alot. and finacially also he never says no for any thing
    should i comple my DH that he should allow me for a job or should i leave the matter.
    i want to do job only for my satisfaction not for money.
     
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  2. hrastro

    hrastro Platinum IL'ite

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    I am a post graduate, at home for the past 7 years - I dont sit all day and watch TV serials :)

    You also dont have to if you dont want to!!

    Find something interesting to do and go ahead and do it
    You say your DH cares for you and you dont need to work for financial purpose

    So, go ahead and volunteer - if you like kids, go to a children's home, if you can talk to elders easily - go to an old age home, If you are compassionate around the disabled, there are so many options and if you love animals - work at an animal shelter!

    There are so many online jobs available - try them

    But first let us know what your interests are and what is your experience ?
     
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  3. rmuramka

    rmuramka Gold IL'ite

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    @surekhap,
    First of all you need to find out what is the reason/situations that do not permit your husband to allow you to work. Is it some pressure from his parents that you shouldn't work and just manage house hold activities? Or is he insecure that you might become financially independent ??
    I'm sure you would have asked him by now..as to why he agreed before and disagreed later.

    Coming to the working part...it's completely in your hands to give your brain some work. You could try home tutions . If you are good at painting/singing/dancing..you could try teaching it to other kids.
    You could learn something on your own...if you are good at cooking, start your own cookery blog, take snaps, upload and build your website. A daily activity like cooking can be made entertaining.

    Sitting idle is the easiest and the most dangerous thing to do. Before yo ueven realise your mind gets soo accustomed to not doing anything..that eventually even if you wish to, you cannot pickup. Since you have a supporting husband, Im sure he will atleast support you to do these things.
    Setup a routine for yourself, get up early, jog/walk/workout...once husband leaves...you also start doing your planned activities.

    Hope you can think of something......do let us know!

    Good luck!
     
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  4. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    Look what jobs are available (you may need to take some courses to fresh up your skills), send the applications, go for interviews and see what offers you get. When you have landed a job then you inform your husband that you are now starting to work. Your husband is not in a position where he could make any decisions about you working or not.
     
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  5. butterflyice

    butterflyice Local Champion Staff Member Platinum IL'ite

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    Why does your husband not want you to work? Are there valid reasons like very young kids, older in laws/parents requiring care or other reasons particular to your family?

    Like @hrastro said, you do not have to sit and watch TV. You can perhaps write reviews of the shows that you watch and give it for publishing.

    What are your interests and field of study?

    If you are interested in working, sit with your husband and talk to him why you want want to work - making use of your education, your brain becoming idle, more socail interaction at work, self-confidence etc - whatever you think will appeal to your husband. Do not talk about his promise before marriage. Unless you have support from your home-front its tough to work outside. So I suggest you work on this before venturing to work.

    You are empowered to make your decisions. You are an adult and do not have to "listen" to husband. It will keep you and your household happier.
     
  6. surekhap

    surekhap Platinum IL'ite

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    i dont have MIL AND FIL i have three SIL.
    at the early of the marriage days my SILS created problem that i should not work and look over only house hold things.
    now we stay far away from.
    i have two kids one of 8 years and the other 3 1/2 years old.
    actually i thought of working in the school where my kids studying and even i got offer.
    so i thing there r no such conditions that my DH have objections.
    some time he feels that the women who work doesnt care there husband.
    some times he says that we may not get enough time to spend together if i work.
    and even proper care for our kids is also not possible.
    but many women are working after marriage and after having kids.
    mostly i dont sit infront of tv i have learnt nail art, tailoring, pencil drawing,bridal makeover.
    but all that matters me is that i learnt it from google.
    iam alone,but working out side create friends, make us strong, teach us facing the out side world and a change of environment.
    i think every one wants that.
     
  7. Sparkle

    Sparkle Platinum IL'ite

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    @surekhap:
    If thats what 'you really want' to do, you should go ahead and do it. You can give it a try. If it doesn't work out, you can leave the job. Trying is better than not trying at all.
     

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