intimacy related query

hope2b · Mar 27, 2015

Had a huge fight with H due to ILs. Now H is making passes at me. We haven't been physical for a while now due to my dd. Query is, should I forgive him and move on? My dd's birth has shown me that my H is spineless like most men when it comes to his parents. So glad I got a daughter now, hopefully she will make him realize a girls fathers view point. Digressing, but, we haven't resolved our issues related to our fight, but everything else seems normal. We didn't withhold our needs on purpose or for being mean, but I am not able to resolve what to do. This was a man I loved but he disappointed me a lot. Does anyone have an advice for me?

lavanya2000 · Mar 27, 2015

Friend,

Please forgive him & move on in your life. We have to think about the future & it is important that we speak & sort out issues. I had a similar kind of issues in the past but after having a decent talk with him & followed by good physical relationship things have sorted out a lot.

If we keep moving without sorting out our issues, then life will become horrible.

My advise will be to get along with him, best time is this weekend.

Looking forward to your positive reply by Monday

catwalk · Mar 27, 2015

Thanks for reminding us about weekend ..

girlieyonee · Mar 27, 2015

hope2b said: ↑

Had a huge fight with H due to ILs. Now H is making passes at me. We haven't been physical for a while now due to my dd. Query is, should I forgive him and move on? My dd's birth has shown me that my H is spineless like most men when it comes to his parents. So glad I got a daughter now, hopefully she will make him realize a girls fathers view point. Digressing, but, we haven't resolved our issues related to our fight, but everything else seems normal. We didn't withhold our needs on purpose or for being mean, but I am not able to resolve what to do. This was a man I loved but he disappointed me a lot. Does anyone have an advice for me?
Click to expand...

You may do anything to ensure that your husband does not quote Rhett Butler from Gone with the Wind... and he says

Lady - the world is full of beds and most of them are filled with women.

hope2b · Mar 27, 2015

Thanks lavanya. I am really hurt and feel that men move on so quickly. I have had restless nights with an infant and the agony of a strained relationship. I wish we could talk it out but oh well. It was hard for me to admit this on a public forum. Thanks.

lavanya2000 · Mar 28, 2015

Friend,

I have faced similar issues (during pregnancy & after delivery while bring up by infant kids) but things will change & it will be a better changes. That's what has happened to me, we had so many differences & we had strained relationship but mostly happened since we didn't speak to each other to sort out our issues.

In general, more we avoid speaking to each other will create more differences & problems (based on my experience). If you speak to each, you want believe that how much both of you care each other. Trust me & give it try, speak to each other & get along over this weekend.

I hope all your issues will be sorted out by this weekend, a night can change your entire life.

All the best and looking forward to hear from you after the weekend.

guesshoo · Mar 28, 2015

IMO sometimes you both need to agree to disagree. We don't resolve every single disagreement anymore. Most of the time even if we went to bed mad at each other, simply cuddling puts things in perspective.

It depends on the fight though. My husband wouldnt get anywhere near me if he has directly attacked me; if he hasn't stood up to his parents for me, well, I won't blame him anymore. I don't even ask him for his opinion about whether what they did was right or wrong. I fight my own battles and make my own decisions where they are concerned.

In your case you say your fight was due to inlaws. Just remember that whatever said and done he is one of them and isn't about to turn around and renounce them... I will come out and directly say you need to be a bit manipulative in order to retain your husband on your side. Holding out until he agrees wih your view doesn't get you anywhere. It just drives the wedge deeper...

YoGirl · Mar 30, 2015

Life sways a lot post delivery. Its a difficult as well as joyous time for everyone. The reactions might come out differently for different ppl. Intimacy is something which can clear boundaries a little faster. If your ILs created a rift btw u both, then def try to get closer to him to show off that their meanness didn't do any bad to ur relationship.
Also, make sure that he doesn't look out for pleasure somewhere outside(EMA).

hope2b · Mar 30, 2015

Thank you guesswho. I am a big admirer of your suggestions. I kept rereading until it sunk in. I was able to be little nice to my H.

Thank you yogirl. Yes, pregnancy was a tough time. All the promises were broken and my ILS took that time to brainwash my H. And it broke me from within. I kept my cool and did not burst on them. But now I am getting my freedom back. I was surrendering my self to be a good person but now I am more cautious than before. Have to still learn and improve myself, but I have taken the first step. My H, unfortunately, is a one woman guy. So I wasn't bothered by that.

Hi Lavanya, thanks again. Over the weekend, I was a little nicer and didn't ignore his intentions.