I cant get over my last love

Hi,

It is tough one to accept, when our husband had space in his heart for another Girl! But you need to be patient this time. Keep calm. Don't argue or don't shout him regarding this!

Just show him you are not happy. Just avoid his gifts, just avoid to talk with him more, Just show him that you are not happy like before!

Reduce your makeup, wearing good clothes, Just try to avoid outings in initial and show you hesitate to go with him!

This will made questions in his heart! Why she behave like this, why she is not happy? Etc.,

If he talk with you regarding this, don't talk with him about open. Your answer only is Crying!

Definitely he will understood!

Don't worry! When you show him that you are not happy, he will analyze his mistake!

 

Another one with pre marital effects. Well, I suggest you to sit with him and have a talk. Ask him clearly, what does he want, what are his expectations. Tell him with crystal clarity that whatever he's doing is hurting you emotionally, and if this continues may end up affect your relationship. And that's bad. Tell him your expectations and ask him to start working on it after you've discussed with him. Tell help of a marriage counsels if possible. You didn't ask him about this before marriage?

 

OP,He mentioned he wants to meet that person once. not that he loves her still.

There are some memories which stay in heart from one's past. WE sometimes remember them and rejoice or cherish them. As long as we dont cross boundary nothing wrong in that. Its human. Some incidences happen in a way where we are forced to remember similar ones from past.

I admire your husband for being frank with you on it. I have seen people who cheat on their wives and do not repend also. he is telling you his wish but has not done it keeping you in dark.

If you trust him fully allow him to meet once but its a gamble. not sure abt the other person. If that girl also is happy in her current life, they might discuss on those memories, find both have moved on and are happy and leave it there. But it all depends on other party too.

If you are not comformtable, tell him that you did not like what he said and he should not meet. I believe you share a very good relation with your husband so you can communicate the same.

dont ever think he loves her and not you. he never said so as per your post.wanting to meet a person from past may have different indications- to find whats going in their lives, talk abt life after they departed etc.

 

@ramyanu22 - Hi dear. I can understand it is never easy to accept that your husband loves someone else. We are so possessive that we are not even ready to share our husband with our MIL or SIL. Then in this case its his last love, ie is totally unacceptable. Bit if we lose our patience and control here it will do only harm to us. Have patience and faith in Gog.

I admire your husband for his frankness. But again I am worried, if he is so open, what does he actually mean? Is she married?

My sincere advice would be to sit with him and talk to him. No fighting, no crying. First just listen to him, let him open his heart in front of you. For sometime, forget that he is your husband, and become his best friend and share his feelings. After an open discussion as friends, you will get a better understand about his situation and his feelings. And then take your decision as wife. you can then fight, shout, argue and make sure you sort out the things then and there before its too late.

Don't keep it in your heart for long, else it will get sored and will become difficult to heal.

 

Very tricky situation.

Just remain calm. He has felt close to you and has revealed his innermost feelings.
If you make a hue and cry about it, he may be scared to share anything with you in future.
Just react the way you would if he was your friend. You can divert him by teasing, that she may not even be thinking about him whereas he is still ogling about her.. If you are going to react by ignoring his love for you, he may long more for his ex. So take it as a normal conversation.

 

@ramyanu22:
Very sorry to hear about this.

Try and have a very open discussion about this to him. (Along with him), you also have invested 7 years in your marriage. If he gets to speak about his feelings for some ex, you also can speak about your feelings for him. Since you said that he is a loving person, I believe he will understand your feelings too.

Tell him about how confused you are and ask about his expectations. (If he still wants to meet her, you have to make a call on what to do here - sorry I am out of ideas in this area)

If discussing/talking doesn't work, try taking small breaks if possible (I am not saying separation here). May be go out with your friends on weekends, pursue some of your hobbies/interests etc so you will have some time apart from your husband. This way you both can get some emotional space and better perspective on the problem and work on it as time goes.

 

I think you are overreacting here. You are only thinking about yourself..

What about that girl ? You said she is married and has a kid. Wouldn't your husband's meeting with her cause trouble in her life ? What would she introduce him as.. to her husband.. ? What if she has forgotten him and gone ahead with her life? Would it not be instigating her feelings too.?
I don't appreciate this approach. It is dramatic and will cause trouble to another woman.