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Finding hard to continue married life

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Rsrisha, Mar 26, 2015.

  1. Rsrisha

    Rsrisha New IL'ite

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    I am a foreigner married to an Indian and living in India. It was a love marriage and accepted by parents later. at first my husband was loving and caring. good with my parents too. but he is not very close to his family since his school days. My parents migrated with my only sibling to another country. they also said that they will try to get us over there but getting a visa has become harder. I have a 4 yr old daughter. my husband was hoping that some how that we will join my parents. but unfortunately it's our bad luck. but my parents are still trying go get us there some how. but meanwhile my husbands behavior has become worse. I am a house wife since my delivery. I do not have any relatives or friends here in chennai. I am the only one to take care of my child. My parents are financially somehow helping me as I am not working. they have helped my husband to startup a business on partnership.

    but he is not trying to develop his business or trying to do some other work to earn for our family. day be day he tries to corner me as we didn't get a way to migrate. I know I also cannot do anything with this cz migration rules are not in our hand. Now he is demanding by asking more help from my parents. ( i.e now he wanted my parents to buy him a own house) or else he wanted me to go for work. He already aware that I cannot work as I have to take care of my kid. Also he wanted to treat me as a typical housewife. Every time he try to find fault on me from cooking to cleaning, washing etc... at last he said if my parents cannot help us somehow, to go back to my country. but he will not allow me to take my daughter. I love my daughter more than anything. I am really depressed. I do not have anyone here. I have no one to share my problems. only my parents contact me on my phone or viber. My life is spent only at house I go out is only to buy veggies and milk.

    I am so depressed. I cannot go to my country as my parents are migrated to another country. I also cannot go there due to tuff migration procedures.Even if I go to my own country ( I can get some help from my friends and my relatives) I cannot live without my daughter. can anyone pls advise what to do.
     
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  2. catwalk

    catwalk Gold IL'ite

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    Srisha,

    Sorry to hear that you are trapped in a foreign country. It is clear that you have become one of those victims who got married for the sake of VISA / Fortune. In fact, he did not really love you. He had married you as an immigration short cut. Since the immigration authorities are cleverer than him, DH did not get the entry.

    Now, As it looks like, you have become a ''burden'' for him.

    Now, What you can do is

    - Do not make any further investment on him. Whatever you / your parents do, Eg: buying a house etc, it should be in your name. Protect your Assets / Money. Do not let him enjoy any comfort at your expense.

    -Collect all evidence for physical and mental abuse. In case of a divorce case, It would help you to get advantage in getting the custody of your DH, if you have evidence.

    -Take your parents / sibling into confidence and convey everything to them.

    -Consult a good lawyer and seek his advise. ( Family court / Divorce cases are lucrative business and there are many frauds in the market offering advise. Especially a foreigner like you would be an ideal prey for them. So be careful. Try to find someone really genuine and not money minded. )

    - Try to be independent. You can search for a job. If you get a job, appoint a good nanny / maid for looking after your baby when you go for work.

    - It is up to you to decide if you want to continue in this relationship or not. Your baby needs both father and mother. DH's attitude may change, if you start working and earn money. You become less dependent on him. Divorce / Separation should be considered as the last step.

    - Family counselling by a clinical psychologist may help to improve the situation.
     
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  3. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    OP...what he is asking financially constitutes a demand for dowry. The anti dowry laws are very strong.Please consult a women's helpline and also a lawyer regarding your daughter.Since your husband is not a good provider.....he is not natural care taker in case of separation. Mother's have a fairly good chance of getting the baby. I am sorry you have to go through all this......but your husband is an opportunist who just wants to use you.Please contact a women's help line to know your rights.

    Once you know where you stand,you will be able to deal with your husband better.

    Best wishes to you and big hug to your little baby.
     
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  4. whitedaisy

    whitedaisy Bronze IL'ite

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    Want to add one more thing.
    You are in india. As per as I know you don't need any kind of permission letters or anything from your husband. You can travel out of the country, with or without your daughter. Consult good lawyer for details.
     
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  5. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    You are in a difficult position but also a little bit wondering how you ended up there? Did you really think you could move to a different country and getting a visa based on the fact that your parents have moved there? Most countries consider adult people to be on their own and they have to get the visa/permission based on employment or other similar grounds. What is your education and what is your husbands education? How have you planned that how you will be able to earn for your living? Or was the plan from the beginning that you will live on your parents money?

    It seems like your husband is only exploiting you. Why can't you move back to your home country? You said that you do not have your parents there but why would you need them? Consult with a lawyer regarding the custody issue and clarify are you able to move out with your child without the fathers permission.
     
  6. priyanka12345

    priyanka12345 Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I think as per indian laws you can move with your daughter against your husband's wish as well.
    I had contacted a family lawyer and she had mentioned that mother has full right on child atleast till age of 10 years. she is primary caretaker and natural guardian for the child.As long as she earns for living she can very well showcase that right.

    If you dont intend to leave the country, then i would suggest you start some job here to show your independence and capacity to support your child.

    as others mentioned if you get any property or any savings you do.. do it in your name and childs name if need be.nothing for your husband.
    he just wants to get easy money and easy living at your cost.
    so open your eyes and fight for your rights.
     
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  7. Rsrisha

    Rsrisha New IL'ite

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    Hi all,

    Thank you so much for your reply. esp [FONT=vegur_regular]yellowmango, [/FONT][FONT=vegur_regular]thanks for your love to my daughter. [/FONT]:).

    But I would like to mention that my parents migrated after nearly 2 years of our marriage only. It's been 9 yrs since we've married. his behavior changed only in the recent past. He very much know that he do not have anyone except my self and our daughter. but I do not know why he is not realizing the same. for the sake of money he is behaving like this. He is very adamant. If he sit calmly and think, he will realize this. but he is not.

    why I am trying to live with my parents is I actually miss them a lot. And also I wanted my child to with their love and care. I am a person who wants love and care. I wanted people around me. All these days I've spent alone at home. putting my self into all household work. looking after my kid etc. even my daughter doesn't have anyone here even my in-laws.There are no kids at my neighborhood. the time she spends out is only while she goes to pre-school.

    Actually my parents live in Auzi. we've tried few migration agents but all their answers were negative. I even tried to see if I could get admission for my kid. but that is not possible atm as she is too young. At last I asked my parents if I could come over there on visit visa with my kid and stay there permanently. but that will affect my daughter's education. (I know this is not correct. but As I didn't have any options I just opened my mouth)
     
  8. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    You have a child and that is why you need to take care of your future. Do you have an education, are you able to get job? To get a visa you need to prove to the immigration authorities that you are able to get a job and have enough of income to provide for your family. Going to stay on a tourist visa permanently is not allowed and you could run into trouble doing that.
     
  9. catwalk

    catwalk Gold IL'ite

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    If your marital status is ''married'', you will have less troubles for taking your daughter abroad.

    Right from VISA application, processes will become very complicated if your marital status is ''Separated / Divorced''. Daughter would need consent from father, Court order for the custody of daughter etc are minimum requirements for any embassy.

    I don't think you have any SERIOUS issues with your DH. So it is better to talk openly with the DH and convince him that you would go back to your native country with your daughter, find a job and then he can join with you. If you stay like this in India, nothing will work out.

    ( You must always talk with a tone that HE will be the BENEFICIARY if this plan is materialized. You must present it as you take all these pain / effort to make him happy )

    ( I hope, he is not reading this..gigglingsmiley..)
     
  10. indoc

    indoc Gold IL'ite

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    @OP..
    we have visa-on-arrival facility for almost 150 nations.. ask your parents to come and spend time with you...let it be only for 30 days... but you will atleast get some support.
     

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