how to deal with stupid H?

Hi,
Bring him to any counselor. Everything fine!

 

OP, We are all there. Not all husbands are great and very accommodating. THey can push our buttons everyday and every moment some times. With a kid you feel like taking a swing at husbands too sometimes. Yes, That's right it happens.All you need to do it is try to spend as much time with the baby and not depend on hubby's for help.All I ask my hubby is can you change the diaper , that's it. It becomes easier with them doing less.

First of all do you see warnings on tv against using powder on baby . It causes some pretty damaging things they say. Try not to use it. Also keep a box with baby things like creams, powders, bibs, wipes and diapers near places where the baby plays and sleeps. In another box clothes to change for messes.The only time I ask my husband to take care of baby is when I am kitchen or in bathroom or doing laundry.

With one on one interaction with hubby lay down some rules like if you are in bathroom and baby is active he/she needs to be played with. Otherwise if its feeding time , tell him exactly how to soothe until u are back. I have a particular way of feeding baby , the baby prefers it that way too. If my hubby tries to, he will take 2-3 spoonfuls and later loose interest, becoz he doesn't like the method. If the baby is sleepy ask your hubby to try to put the baby to sleep.

I know you are exhausted with baby work whole day. There is light at the end of tunnel. Get the baby to play around in the play area while u keep an eye from the sofa or recliner nearby. I do that and the baby loves it. When the baby needs me , he runs to me himself.Get a novel and read a few pages in those times. Try to cook before baby wakes up in the morning. I do the same. When he wakes up he is ready to shower and have his bf and its ready for him. That's starts our day. Hope this helps. Good Luck.

 

OP, i think your husband is immature. So I think you should become the man in this marriage and drive things. Give him exact instructions, what to do, how to do etc. Just tell him, if he creates a mess, he needs to clean it up (powder, food, etc). 80 degrees is too high and can cause dryness and would be a problem for the baby as well. Do you have humidifier? Else, get a personal heater for him. Costco has nice one. So you can have the room temperature to 68 or 70 and if he needs more heat, he can use the personal heater. Get some help for cleaning at least once a week.

Other issues (anniversary, bday, not calling, etc) just ignore it or tell him upfront what you would like him to do for you on that day. Just instruct him everything.

my DH is forgetful, if we don't have salt and if i send him to get salt and then of course a few other grocery items, he would get all the other stuff and some extra stuff and forget to get the salt. Also, he never looks at the price. Whatever he looks and likes, he just gets it. So now, i tell him that I will text you the items. I tell him exact things what color is the package, where it might be located, count of tomatoes, onions, etc. Now with the list, he his happy as he doesn't have to think and i am happy that i get all what i need. So sometimes, we have to drive these guys.

 

There is nothing to worry about. Some men r pathetic at the biggining.

 

@sanjuruby3:
Is your husband getting angry/annoyed about messy stuff only after your baby's birth or was he this way from the time you knew him? When there is a baby there will always be a mess. Parents should first accept this fact. Setting a routine should help here. Explain to him in a soft tone that if there is some mess, either he can clean the mess up (since you mentioned that he helps in cleaning) instead of just getting angry, or that you will clean up later when you get time. If he is not the type to ignore powder patches/ spilled food for few minutes, tell him in advance that these things will keep happening till your baby grows up.

@sanjuruby3:
Does he exercise? Do you think he will listen to you if you ask him to workout? Sinus problems can be controlled by regular workout and proper diet. Plus it might help in reducing his crankiness/anger as such.
Try and do those things you think you can manage by yourself without expecting his help. That way you can reduce the arguments and comments from him.

@sanjuruby3:
Very sorry to hear about your husband's attitude towards you. If you have been quietly taking this attitude for a long time, its time to speak up now. Anything he says about you, if you feel is bringing you down or insulting to you, just ask him to stop. In case you have friends who can help (or parents/ILs), involve them and explain your situation.

 

First of all, those demeaning things he says about you are what bother me. I really think that everytime he start says something like that, you should firmly tell him, "it is not funny. Back off." In front of other people too. Say it in a calm voice and with eye contact. Then repeat the same line or "it is rude. Back off." Then be normal.

About his anger, and stupid actions because of that, tell him clearly that he has no business losing it like this when he ought to be role model for your child. If he has trouble with self-control, he can attend courses for that - CBT or anger management. Repeatedly. Wear him out by being firm with him everytime. No argument. Just state it and walk away. Or alternately, announce that you are going to book him in for an anger management course and do it.

as a parent he needs to give his child space to explore. Otherwise it is not a healthy environment for the child. Constantly remind him of that. Tell him if there is a mess he MUST clean it up. NOT add to it. Can he please be the adult here?

look dear, from what you say, he sounds too flaky; you need to take charge. If he acts like you are the one in control, great. Be the one in control. If he jokes about it, say proudly, "someone has to wear the pants in the family." Or at least I can get things done to a high standard. Be the one who is in charge and flaunt it proudly.

About screen time, have a "talk" with him. Tell him he needs some self control; there is a lot of stuff on the Internet; he is not about to catch up with it all without sleeping and browsing all the time. He needs to ensure he gets his sleep. If he doesn't, don't cover for him. Delegate non baby related jobs to him and follow up. He ought to get the point

 

@sanjuruby3,
I think all men are same. I am also in the same boat, with baby and DH irritating with small/silly things. I am not sure if we can really change them, as you said "[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif]kutte ki poonch". My dad used to say, if try to straighten a dogs tail with pipe, the pipe bends but to dogs tail. [/FONT]:rotfl[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif]
This applys best to them i guees. My advice would be do what you can and don't beat your self. If you can try to train your DD rather than fight with DH.
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