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Husband not spending time with us

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Mathi123, Mar 4, 2015.

  1. Mar 4, 2015 #1
    Mathi123

    Mathi123 New IL'ite

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    Hello ladies..im married for 6 yrs now and have a 2 year old. My husband doesnt want to spend time with us. He finds some reason to be away from us. He works from home on and off, but when he works i wont bother him. If he has time he talks with my kid sometime. After 5 in the evening..during tea time he plays with kid for 10 - 15 mins.watches tv and then start to gym or shopping around 6.30 and comes home take bath.. and plays with kid for 10- 15 mins arnd 10 pm. He doesnt help me in any household chore or take care of kid. When he goes to office he comes home and not even hug the baby...its like any other day..and my baby also doesnt miss him. Oncw my hubby went 2 days for business trip...my kid didnt even once asked for his dad.I cant even go to loo without my baby screaming mom..my baby is super clingy..he want me near him all the time...i cant even cook without he pulling my pants. Im getting sick of me taking all the responsibility and my hubby having nice time pampering himself. I was working before baby and later my hubby forced me to be a SAHM. I take my baby to playplace, library, shopping everwhere by myself..but im not getting any time for me...when i ask him...he says..this what every hubby does or do you not wsnt me to take care of my health n all the BS. Weekends he just gives bath to my kid, watches tv and sleep..still no help for me or take care of kid. He doesnt take us to any outings or to any restaurants..weekly once buys pizza and he thinks its a big thing. Pls ILs suggest me what i can do to keep my cool. Am i being ridiculous here or my hubby is being selfish here ??
     
    Mathi123, Mar 4, 2015
    Mathi123, Mar 4, 2015
    #1
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  2. Mar 4, 2015 #2
    KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi Mathi123,

    Please think about sending your kid to daycare/playgroup for 3-4 hours everyday. It gives some time for yourself, and you can start working when he adjusts there. Life with toddler is crazy, you need some time for yourself to relax. my almost 2 years son also wants me all the time, if he is at home. I try to keep him busy with one activity after another, he gets bored easily. I am sending him to daycare now.

    I don't know what are ideas to make your dh understanding and helping towards you. sorry.
     
    KashmirFlower, Mar 4, 2015
    KashmirFlower, Mar 4, 2015
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  3. Mar 4, 2015 #3
    hope2b

    hope2b Silver IL'ite

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    Hi mathi, yes your H is being a bad parent and selfish. Kudos to you for taking care of your baby. I know it is tough. But hopefully your H loves you and your kid and he is just lazy. In that case, I suggest taking videos of you and your kid doing stuff together. The kid is so small and they do adorable stuff which are keepers. I hope you know what I mean. When you take such videos, play them back when your H is around. You can keep talking to your kid showing the same and letting him know how much cool it is to have fun together and how you will cherish later on when he grows up. Sooner or later, your H will want to join you, I am hoping. Think of involving him in fun stuff first, then later on include him in responsibilities.

    Also joining your kid in playschool or letting them spend time with their grand parents, if it is a possibility is a good idea, to reboot your self.

    Encourage your H about how much he would enjoy your kid can learn from him.
     
    hope2b, Mar 4, 2015
    hope2b, Mar 4, 2015
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  4. Mar 4, 2015 #4
    Srijapvr

    Srijapvr New IL'ite

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    Hi mathi

    i feel very bad for u. Initially wen v have kids our life will be very pathetic.
    only way to relax urself s send ur kid to school. U will get some free time . But don't spend that time in cooking n cleaning. Go out n feel fresh , listen to songs etc.

    2. Leave ur kid to ur husband during weekend saying u r sick. At least if u r sick he could take care of ur kid. Feed him n give it to ur hubby to take care of him.

    3. Everybody goes to office of course many ladies with 2 kids even work. Work will be there all the time. We need to spend time for our family as well

    good luck friend.
     
    Srijapvr, Mar 4, 2015
    Srijapvr, Mar 4, 2015
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  5. Mar 4, 2015 #5
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    When he is watching TV, you quietly leave the house. On tippy-toes, holding chappals in hand if needed. Neither husband nor kid should know you are leaving. If you have a Prius or Leaf, great, else just leave by foot.


    When he is giving bath to kid, quietly leave the house.

    No one is going to take your child and do your work for you, and tell you "Your me-time starts now. Go Mathi go" You have to grab it like this. After a few times, it'll become routine and all will get used to it.
     
    Rihana, Mar 4, 2015
    Rihana, Mar 4, 2015
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  6. Mar 4, 2015 #6
    CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    Sign up for some class or similar activity 1-2 hours per week. Inform your dh that you will be out for that time and he needs to be with the child.

    Agree with your friends to meet for dinner at some family friendly restaurant, going to the mall or the park and ask if he wants to join.
     
    CrayoNess, Mar 4, 2015
    CrayoNess, Mar 4, 2015
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  7. Mar 4, 2015 #7
    girlieyonee

    girlieyonee Senior IL'ite

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    only If wishes were dreams
     
    girlieyonee, Mar 4, 2015
    girlieyonee, Mar 4, 2015
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  8. Mar 5, 2015 #8
    Mathi123

    Mathi123 New IL'ite

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    Thanks ILs for your wonderful suggestions..i know for sure i will get answers here..will try them out. Especially true that no one is going to give your me-time..u just have to grab it
     
    Mathi123, Mar 5, 2015
    Mathi123, Mar 5, 2015
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  9. Mar 5, 2015 #9
    VanithaSudhir

    VanithaSudhir Platinum IL'ite

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    @Rihana.. Are you always this crazy ? Or today you are on fire ? I thoroughly enjoy your responses..
    p.s:- Though it is insanely crazy.. strangely makes lot of sense...
     
    VanithaSudhir, Mar 5, 2015
    VanithaSudhir, Mar 5, 2015
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  10. Mar 5, 2015 #10
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Been there done that. :) Though I used to leave with lot of noise the instant DH came home, no tippy-toes. What OP is experiencing is actually pretty common, and across cultures. If the mom is home, it is mostly assumed the kid is c/o her. For real relaxation and me-time, either mom should be home alone, or go out leaving kids at home.

    Thankfully these phases fly, and kids get older. Then instead of kid following mom to loo and kitchen, mom will try to follow him to his room and get a peak before he shuts the door. :)
     
    Rihana, Mar 5, 2015
    Rihana, Mar 5, 2015
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