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planning for kid and my husband wants to get in laws here

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by mirrorimage, Mar 2, 2015.

  1. mirrorimage

    mirrorimage Silver IL'ite

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    Hi all,

    We are planning for kid..my husband wants to get in laws here during my pregnancy time.
    I am ok with them coming after baby but not during the time of my pregnancy.
    Please help me how to convince him..
    he asks for a solid reason.
    I cant say anything bad..because he will start pouncing on me if I portray anything bad about his parents.
    Basically Its a torture to have them around..they will keep insisting and adding rules on to me by talking talking and talking....it will take away my mental peace..I am free being alone...and cant expect my life with them during that stage....
    I would just hate it....
    and I cant tell this to him..
    what solid reason do I give him to say that I dont want his parents to be here during my pregnancy.
     
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  2. pear

    pear Gold IL'ite

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    Tell him that by coming after the baby is born they get to spend more time with the baby.And it would be of more relief for you two.
     
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  3. ivlakshmi

    ivlakshmi Platinum IL'ite

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    Tell him that u need rest at this point of time and cannot serve aged inlaws as it might effect baby
     
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  4. mirrorimage

    mirrorimage Silver IL'ite

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    he tels that he will get them both times with one month gap again n again..i dont know how it will work here...
     
  5. resmij

    resmij Silver IL'ite

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    no reason to stop them,

    I experienced same thing, and after delivery, mentally I suffered a lot, and still going on.

    remember, ur child will be always theirs, but not you.

    regards,
    resmij
     
  6. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    I understand your stress... Don't stress much since you are TTC now.

    There is absolutely no reasons that could convince your hubby to stop his plan. So, wait and see. You have not even conceived yet, so leave it to God, and stay peaceful about their trip and drama. Work hard on building a positive relationship with hubby, specially you need him beside throughout your pregnancy. More importantly when your PILs are around. So, focus on that.

    Anything said against his parents prior to their visit only will impact your relationship with your husband. So beware about it.

    Now, what if PILs are to come... During the preliminary round of discussion, tell your H casually that you need MIL the more after the baby is born. Give him reasons like, you need elder's care, expert advice etc..etc.. as you are inexperienced in that area. So, you would be grateful if MIL could be staying with you around that time. That will be also beneficial to the baby, and helpful for MIL to spend more time with the kid. Good for their bonding... etc..etc... something of that lines.

    Tell him, you are perfectly fine now, and hope to be better during your pregnancy as it is advised to treat pregnancy as normal, and not as an illness. Stay brave and confident about it. So, here you are passing him a remark that you don't need MIL during your pregnancy for support.

    Leave it at that... Focus on pregnancy...

    One more tip... During your second trimester, casually but repeatedly tell him that you are craving for your mom's food, and to see your mom. Do not mention as if you want her here, but do this repeatedly to make him understand that your craving is so severe that it could impact his child. So, chances are there that your H will look into bringing your mom instead of his... Somehow you can postpone MIL's trip until you come back to pre-pregnancy mode.. Both physically and emotionally fit for the drama.

    I hope, by that time, your H will be in good term with you, as your bonding will be really great with a kid in hand. So, dealing with MIL won't be a tough task.

    A good foundation is important for a happy marriage. Stay blessed, and best of luck for TCC
     
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  7. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    You let him know that you would be hormonal; you won't be able to order them about during the time of your need; you would be very uncomfortable with his parents doing seva to you.

    beyond that, if they do come, regardless of what they say, don't take the bait and take full rest, making them take care of you
     
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  8. desichica

    desichica Silver IL'ite

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    are you planning to have a baby shower ? it will be kind of tough to justify if you are having one.

    you can just say something like it will be easier for you to manage the self in this situation since you will be in pain and all. This is tough time to take care of aged parents and the self. Once the baby comes, they can stay. you would love to have grandparents around the young child (add few sweet words) :p ;)
     
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  9. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    Is there any plan for your parents to visit you. You could say you want to have your mom during pregnancy and then Mil after delivery
     
  10. beanstalk

    beanstalk Gold IL'ite

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    Another thing to stress is that during pregnancy and delivery you need to be comfortable. Pregnant women feel very hot and roaming around comfortably and with lighter clothes on might be difficult with inlaws around. Your inlaws might not like you going around in shorts, dresses or comfy pjs or without inner garments. Stress that your comfort is really important during pregnancy without offending inlaws.

    ANother thing that I did was to stress to husband that I have been managing on my own and can manage but after baby a mother required a lot of help to catch up on housework, sleep and job if you have one and the same time they want to spend before the baby would be highly valuable if added to the after baby time. Plus, they would be able to enjoy time with young one.
     
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