Please Help...

ChillySnow · Feb 27, 2015

Hi All,

Need a solution for my friends problem. She had been married for past 10 yrs and have a girl baby studying in 4th std. Husband is a government emp and she works in a IT MNC. She was married (arranged marriage) at the age of 19 yrs.

Her husband thinks her as a burden. After 1 year of marriage he sold all my jewels which her parents put to me. When she refused to give my jewels, he just asked me a question is jewellery important or husband. She just said u r important for me than anything else and gave. It had been 9 yrs till now he had not even brought a saree or jewels for her. He always demands money from me. He is only having my debit card. As soon as the salary gets credited he takes all the money and per monthly expense he gives me only 500 Rs and within that 500 rupees she need to do all my personal expense. And he says all earn lakhs and why not you? She also tried once by saying - will not give my salary we will put in saying and invest on jewellery for child's future, he didn't say anything and for two months she didn't give and he tourchered with words saying tht I am not taking your salary u see your expensence and i will see my life don't interfere in mine. And also he started saying you are giving money to your parents, etc and also used more abusive words. Always he shows anger and scolds for silly things. Beats a lot, once even her right hand got factured. Often he says her if you die i will be happy leave me and go. Even we spoke to elders but he didn't listern to them, he didn't change.

She is a person who usually get up at 4 am do all house work and go to office and evening return home and prepare dinner and teach her kid. In short she does all A to Z works at home. He never talks to her, even if she call to his mobile he will not answer any calls. If she ask why are you not attending, he simply says i am not willing to talk to you, what is there to talk to you. He abuses with valgour words. He never takes her out. If she go near him and sit and talk, he just moves away from her. If she ask what you want me to do or you want anything to be changed, he will just give a one line answer "Please DIE i don't want u in my life".

She only needs his love and affection. And also she can't live without him, she loves him a lot..

pear · Feb 27, 2015

You /friend whoever it is apply for divorce.We all deserve to be happy and peaceful in our life.And what kind of life you are giving your child by adjusting with this negative fellow.Stop giving salary and let him curse /cuss .Subjecting yourself to his control is not going to solve any problem.If the next time he asks you to die ,tell him that in case of my death i would see to it that you got arrested.You are wasting your beautiful life loving this worthless fellow.Do something before your child too getting affected by this sick mind.You have a duty to give a better life to your daughter.

Harini73 · Feb 27, 2015

Hi,

Just get out of this relationship.

I have already mentioned in one of my posts,
Never chase love,affection or attention.If isn't freely given it is not worth having it.(I heard this from somewhere,but i liked the meaning)

He is there with you because of your money and by staying with him you are spoiling your child's present and future.

Live your life happily and your child deserves better.

shivani1 · Feb 27, 2015

In my opinion u should inform both parents about this. Don't stay with him. U work in a MNc. So not dependent on him. You could take care of the child.. Go and stay with ur parents. See if it makes some difference. don't be afraid of him. Today we woman have all laws supporting us. As hes a govt.Emp you could always inform his superiors about this..
take some action.. All the best.

Khushi78 · Feb 27, 2015

OP,
Pls write either for her or for you.
Your/Her identity is anyways hidden behind the user id of IL.
How can some one love somebody who beats her and is harsh to her. It was very ok for him to have a baby also?
Please also think about the child. Should she see her mom being abused in such a manner?
Financial independence should not only mean bringing salary home. Be confident and stop begging for love and affection.

yellowmango · Feb 27, 2015

And also she can't live without him, she loves him a lot..
Click to expand...

Of course she loves him a lot.What is there not to love in this wonderful man?He provides regular beatings, allowed her to be his slave ...in return for a good pay check .How could she ever live without such a wonderful husband.

Have some self respect Op!!....the jerk loathes you ,humiliates you ,beats you ,asks you to die ....and expects you to be paid in return. Why is a financially independent woman taking such **** and making her daughter a witness to this sick abuse?What are you teaching her as a mother?You may have self esteem issues but why are you making this poor child a part of this .

Sahana1 · Feb 27, 2015

Hi @ChillySnow
So sorry for your friend
Why did you give him your debit card?
They should break the relationship
Regards,
Sahana

Vanilasky · Feb 27, 2015

The only option left is DIVORCE. There is no solution for ur friends problem. Such a filthy man does not deserve a loving wife and kid . Better late than never . Ask your friend to give that dirty creature a tight slap and move out of this loveless abusive relationship ASAP. Being a financially independent lady she can easily lead a happy life with her kid and not reducing her self respect any more. She can also file a case against him for claiming back her jewels which was given to her by her parents.

Rise · Feb 27, 2015

Dont tell me you are working in MNC and dealing with this nonsense. Daughter & Self more important than Abusive hus.. he fractured your hand , wow the love is so much!! i would have made sure the police fracture his life!!

Do the below NOW !
If you cannott take your debit card from him... open new bank account go to HR and tell them you need to change the salary account or go to bank and say ur debit card is lost and canncel that card
get a new one.

Give him apt warning that you nomore take this abuse... if he tells you go and die , say BS with you and pack ur bags and move to a rented home(get a rented home first before walking out)

Spread the news like virus that he is an abuser and make sure his seniors and work ppl get to know of his behaviour

Ask ur parents to come stay with you for a while if you cant handle things initially

Get some self respect teach your kid its not ok for a man/woman to emotionaly/physically abuse and harras you like that and take action if you see tht i also wrote a post in snippets read the phoenix in me hope it helps you

gauridinesh · Feb 27, 2015

"Your Friend" works in an MNC. Meaning, she is probably a self dependant and self sufficient strong woman. What does she see in this abuser? This is a CLASSIC case of abuse.
The "love" that she feels probably crops out of the fear of society or fear of being a single parent. It is better for the kid to get out of this atmosphere and give a healthy atmosphere for the child to grow.