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Continuation ... My previous thread..Snooping my Husband

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by soni1987, Feb 4, 2015.

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  1. Feb 4, 2015 #1
    soni1987

    soni1987 Bronze IL'ite

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    Hii ladies,

    In my last thread I told you my Husband is going India for vacation for his mom's birthday. He promised me first that he wont go for any vacations with any of his friends; then later he said it is difficult for him to avoid going with friends and tell them NO. So later we came to a compromise that he can go for vacation to goa or any other places for 3 or 4 days with his friends (these are same friends with whom he went to Thailand and dubai last time)

    Now he is in India from last 2 weeks, and this sunday he told me he left for lavasa with his friends, i was ok with it as i knew and discussed about it before.

    Yesterday by chance when i opened his mail i saw flight tickets ..the tickets was for Thailand from India on the same days he told me he going for lavasa.. So, he didnt go lavasa he went to Thailand instead.

    He lied to me, i was totally shocked and shattered. Couldnt believe my eyes..My BP went high and nose started bleeding, but nothing more happend.

    I messaged him and said i know where are you now, i dont want to talk to you any more and our relation is finished.

    I wish i could live this house right now and go india and leave my husband. But my mom has come for visit to my place for 3 months and even my bro is coming with my DH to my place for visit for 2 Months..because of this problem i dont want to spoil their visit as they are visiting first time abroad.

    But i have decided that i will not talk to him and give him silent treatment. As fighting and threatening is not helping this situation.

    Kindly suggest, how to handle situation in front of my mom n younger bro..as i dont want to hurt their feeling too.
     
    soni1987, Feb 4, 2015
    soni1987, Feb 4, 2015
    #1
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  2. Feb 4, 2015 #2
    Khushi78

    Khushi78 Silver IL'ite

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    What did he reply?
     
    Khushi78, Feb 4, 2015
    Khushi78, Feb 4, 2015
    #2
  3. Feb 4, 2015 #3
    soni1987

    soni1987 Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Khushi78, he didnt reply anything..he may be worried n scared how i know this. But i am sure he is in Thailand, as i told one of my common friend to check with him where is he, DH told him tht he is in Thailand with friends
     
    soni1987, Feb 4, 2015
    soni1987, Feb 4, 2015
    #3
  4. Feb 4, 2015 #4
    blackbeauty84

    blackbeauty84 IL Hall of Fame

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    He is continuously lying and going around. If I were you I'll talk to my mom and brother, pack the bags and leave.
     
    blackbeauty84, Feb 4, 2015
    blackbeauty84, Feb 4, 2015
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  5. Feb 4, 2015 #5
    Harini73

    Harini73 Platinum IL'ite

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    It is better to keep your parents informed at least your brother.
    Better pack things and leave.
     
    Harini73, Feb 4, 2015
    Harini73, Feb 4, 2015
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  6. Feb 4, 2015 #6
    shari2003

    shari2003 Silver IL'ite

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    I remember having written the same as response to your last thread too; stop trusting him (he has been telling lies, lots of them), speak to your mom and brother, act mature and wise, leave your husband. I think he is not worth a life with you.

    Also, are you working? Then, be strong and independent.
     
    shari2003, Feb 4, 2015
    shari2003, Feb 4, 2015
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  7. Feb 4, 2015 #7
    soni1987

    soni1987 Bronze IL'ite

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    Yes I am working, so cant leave my job in one go. Here i cannot afford to stay in separate flat as well, even if i separate in this country wht about my son, my DH will never let him stay with me..He will fight for his custody..

    Now i am planning to let him come here with my bro... let my mom n bro finish their 2 months visit here normally.. meanwhile i will not talk to my DH but wll not fight also.. give him silent treatment.

    After my mom leave i will decide what to do...from now on i will not give a single penny from my salary to him also
    Only spend for me and my family..even my son he is responsible. not me right?

    Lets hope i dont get emotional and blast when he comes..
     
    soni1987, Feb 4, 2015
    soni1987, Feb 4, 2015
    #7
  8. Feb 4, 2015 #8
    Khushi78

    Khushi78 Silver IL'ite

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    If u wish not to hurt feelings of your Bro and mom react as if u don't know anything. Once they leave u can sort out things. But I feel being frank with your people will be better in case of any eventualities.
     
    Khushi78, Feb 4, 2015
    Khushi78, Feb 4, 2015
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  9. Feb 4, 2015 #9
    stillwaters

    stillwaters Gold IL'ite

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    Dear op ,
    i think deep down you know what he is doing . A woman has instincts for this . That is the reason why it is upsetting you so much and is constantly on your mind. You are afraid that if it is confirmed then you have to make a decision about your life . Your parents background and their support for him is not giving you enough confidence .
    That is why you are desperately looking for reassurance that things are not so bad. Basically he is a good man .
    What is the definition of being bad ? Is it only misbehaving or being violent ? That is only one aspect .
    Cheating , lying and not caring for the effect on you does not show that he is a good person.
    You have to sit and think about everything deeply and calmly . First accept the total reality . Think what are the options for you - choose the best one and put an end to this mental and emotional torture .
    If you want to leave prepare for it wisely and take the step. If you want to continue then take measures for your financial and health security and stop torturing yourself thinking about what he is doing.
    Do not let your parents also influence your decision . Now you are an adult and you should be independent in all ways - financially , emotionally and physically.
    Be calm and think deeply and truthfully . You will get your solution.
     
    stillwaters, Feb 4, 2015
    stillwaters, Feb 4, 2015
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  10. Mar 10, 2015 #10
    soni1987

    soni1987 Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks Still Waters,

    My DH came back and after giving him a silent treatment for 2 weeks, finally he busted into tears and all... i had to forgive him. But kept on giving him taunt time to time for this act n incident.

    But i know he is not sorry but full heart, he is not scared of loosing me as he knows i love him so much that i will not leave him ever.. or i dont know what.. After i forgive him, i saw he send messages to his same friend... his friend asked... is ur wife ok n talking to you.. DH replied, not yet but everything will be alright not to worry... I will manage it. (with a smili).

    Now after 1 month of all this, we always go out with my son, my DS is only 3 yrs so its difficult to take him everywhere, so day before yesterday i went out with my mom n bro alone, as my husband was feeling tired to come out... I made DS sleep n went out, my DS woke after 3 hrs.... we came after 2 hours of DS woke up... When i reached home, DH started shouting at me in bedroom for why you didnt take son if u getting so late n bla bla bla... My mom n bro got very hurt.... Even from before he never takes care of DS if have any work outside....

    I brought a new shirt for him also, he threw it as well, that was it.. from that day we are showing cold shoulders to each other... not spoken a work to each other... n this matter doesnt seem to be solved a well...

    Really worried....y these fights keep on happening.
     
    soni1987, Mar 10, 2015
    soni1987, Mar 10, 2015
    #10
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